A vain person. – Does this happen involuntarily or consciously? Explicit and hidden vanity

24.09.2019

Contents of the article:

Vanity is the feeling of fame, recognition and arrogance of a person without visible reasons. The root of this problem lies in the distortion of self-esteem to create a certain image that can somehow help you feel better. In its pure form, vanity means sweet self-deception, arrogance, pride, which does not lead to anything good and only pushes other people away.

The influence of vanity on life

Vanity is a lie to oneself that revolves around self-esteem and is fueled by self-praise and flattery. Naturally, such a person is not able to correctly assess the level of his capabilities, because vanity increases the number of positive qualities and elevates him to a new pedestal. This normal desire to be recognized and the pursuit of praise often exhausts a person internally. And after this it is very difficult to find internal balance.

Inadequate self-esteem distorts the perception of a person by others and makes him look like a braggart. Usually in such cases, close people and friends are lost. Pride exalts a person above others to the maximum and makes him higher only in his consciousness. Outwardly, it looks like he thinks too much about himself and, naturally, does not inspire confidence in others.

Vanity excludes the possibility a sober look for life. A person is unable to understand the feelings of others and correctly assess the situation. Problems are growing in the family due to misunderstandings. A vain man in the street will demand too much from others, which he himself does not deserve. He expects calling, praise and honor for his actions, which, in fact, are worth nothing of the kind.

A woman’s vanity turns her husband away from her, who begins to consider his wife too arrogant. She loses her friends by demanding constant praise from them and speaking negatively about them. Such a woman is convinced of her own superiority and does not doubt it at all. Moreover, she persistently tries to gain recognition from the people around her, while not being very polite towards them.

The problem of such a person is self-esteem, which is not motivated by anything, but is simply inflated due to internal conflict and unresolved personal problems. Over time, children stop treating vain mothers the way they demand, and family conflict increases. Naturally, any relationship will deteriorate in the future, because no one will recognize the cult of an undeserved personality.

Vain men very often turn their women into submissive followers of their immodest persona. Such a person will choose the most meek and quiet girl, which will constantly confirm and support his “pseudo-title”. If a family develops, it will be only on the basis of the indispensable veneration of the man in the family and respect for his vain ego. The husband will build any relationship around himself and his person, while overshadowing all the merits of his wife and children.

Inflated self-esteem and the constant demand for recognition from loved ones will slowly destroy family relationships, which will immediately lead to the quite expected collapse. The situation with children in the family will be the same as in the case of a woman. Vanity encourages you to put yourself above any interests of other family members. That is why mutual understanding in such families is completely absent.

The main reasons for the development of vanity

Vanity is always a consequence of internal conflict, a split in self-perception. A person mixes the real with the desired and believes what he likes best. A split occurs due to a traumatic situation or prolonged exposure to an unfavorable climate, for example, growing up in a dysfunctional family.

Vanity is considered as a variant of the psyche’s distorted compensation for missing feelings. But, stuck on the feeling of their acute lack, a person is deprived of the opportunity to soberly assess the situation. Sometimes this feeling develops as a result of long-term maintenance of a false image in an artificial way.

Arrogance can arise as a result of the fact that a person was treated too kindly, praising and exaggerating his achievements, although, in fact, there were no reasons for this. Unfortunately, both options happen quite often, but depending on different situations may take on slightly different shades.

Perhaps the reason lies in childhood. Difficult relationships with parents or loved ones who allowed themselves to insult the child and belittle his dignity can quite realistically influence the formation of an unhealthy psyche in the child.

Constant belittlement causes a feeling of lack of certain emotions that accompany pride and recognition. After all, every person sincerely dreams of being recognized or hearing praise. Those children who have never heard it turn simple words into value and appropriate it to themselves. This seems to be a way of compensating for damage done in childhood. A person who has been humiliated creates an aura of pride and recognition around himself, literally demanding honor from others.

Arrogance manifests itself in every situation and acts as defensive reaction. Sometimes this is a way to prove to yourself that your parents were wrong and that the person is really worth something. In any case, the compensatory reaction goes far beyond the scope of that initial family conflict, and the average person learns to live with pride and takes it for granted.

Often a person's arrogance develops after difficult school years. No matter how adults are, children can sometimes be very cruel. School years accompanied by intensive development of the child’s psyche. Bullying by peers and public humiliation can cause serious harm to an unformed outlook, including self-esteem. Moreover, adolescence with characteristic hormonal surges enhances the effect and can even lead to negative consequences.

These events, in fact, cause a split in personality and some change in one’s ego. A compensatory defensive reaction develops in the form of high self-esteem. A person creates an image and reputation for himself that will not be tarnished, and is very worried about it. Begins to perceive himself much higher than he really is.

Most often, vanity develops as a result of poor upbringing. No, for this it is not necessary to scold or humiliate the child; it is quite enough to allow him to behave the way he wants. The absence of established boundaries of behavior and prohibitions creates pathological permissiveness.

Over time, such a person begins to get used to the fact that everyone will treat him the same way as his parents, becoming more and more confident in his own superiority. Self-esteem grows with the child over the years, without denying himself anything, and an image of his own unsurpassedness and perfection is formed. High demands towards society and arrogant self-conceit bring up a vain self-lover.

The main signs of vanity in a person

It is quite easy to recognize a vain person in communication. They usually give themselves away thanks to their high self-esteem and looking down on their interlocutor. First of all, he talks about his merits and superiority, focuses on his own qualities, slightly embellishing his achievements and qualities.

In a conversation, he tries to either dominate and lead the conversation, or look down on his interlocutor with an evaluative or even contemptuous look. The thread of conversation is constantly trying to pull you into a familiar topic, to talk about yourself. Never asks about others and has little interest in the affairs of his interlocutor.

Of course, all of the above is characteristic of an extreme degree of vanity, but some similar signs are easy to notice in your acquaintances and friends. Vanity is manifested by the characteristic centralization of conversations. Such a person uses any occasion and topic to tell everyone about a new event in his life, an achievement that is actually not very important.

Updates unimportant events and tries to become the center of attention, turns the conversation from others to himself. With all this, internal vanity makes you feel a feeling of discomfort if your pride is hurt or if someone else is in the center of the conversation.

Vanity sometimes does not allow you to do some simple things that are common to people, for example, apologizing, asking for something. These are ordinary concepts, but it is very difficult for a vain person to stoop to them. To do this, you need to lower your pride scale and “condescend” to simple requests or apologies. Signs of this condition may include an inability to approach people tactfully, insistence on getting one's own way, and a lack of flexibility in life situations.

At work, such people often achieve success, but they also fail because of their pride. The person is very proud of his place and values it above all else. Vain bosses love flattery and praise; praising someone like that in time can even get you a significant bonus or promotion. But, having heard not very pleasant reviews about yourself, everything changes: the anger of vanity is a rather unpleasant thing, and it is better not to encounter it.

How to overcome vanity

Vanity, after all, internal conflict, and it must be solved from within. Only by finding the root of the problem can you get rid of this unpleasant quality forever. Naturally, ideal solution For this task, there will be a timely appeal to a specialist - a psychologist or psychotherapist. With the help of several sessions of cognitive behavioral therapy, you can correct your self-esteem and set the right priorities for your life. life path.

For men, the importance of the question of how to deal with vanity is rarely raised. It is quite difficult to hurt their pride and shake it to such a level that they begin to doubt the veracity of their ideas.

But still, some of them, who notice this not very pleasant quality in themselves, want to get rid of it as soon as possible. This means that the first stage of revaluation has already begun and minimal criticism has appeared own feelings.

Women have a much harder time fighting vanity than men. They have a stronger sense of self-esteem and pride, which is motivated by social attitudes. How to get rid of vanity will be of interest only to those women for whom it has already caused a lot of problems and complicates social adaptation. Only then will she begin to look for means and ways to combat this condition.

For both sexes, it is important to realize the value of one’s own person, to critically evaluate one’s abilities and capabilities, or, in other words, to be honest with oneself. The last thing is the most difficult for people who have been deceiving themselves all their lives and showing themselves to be better than they really are.

We need to appreciate and accept the importance of other people, learn to respect their rights and dignity, recognize best sides and share the opinions of others. You need to understand your role in the big mechanism and accept it, be able to appreciate the importance of others, be able to admit your mistakes and shortcomings.

Ideal people It doesn’t happen, everyone can find a flaw in themselves that characterizes them as a person, and people are prone to making mistakes. It must be remembered that admitting your shortcomings is the greatest courage, which not everyone can achieve. To overcome internal conflict, it is necessary, first of all, to pacify your own pride by taking the first steps towards success.

How to get rid of vanity - watch the video:

Human strength is far from material benefits, achievements or competitions. They forever remain only memories and pictures from memory. The real value is the people who are nearby, no matter what, those who will remain when there is nothing left. You need to be able to distinguish inner self-respect and fortitude from vile vanity, which drags you into the abyss of envy, pride and loneliness.

As he says explanatory dictionary, vanity is the need to prove one’s own superiority over other people. On the one hand, this is a sign of painful pride. On the other hand, the desire to be better than others is an excellent, and sometimes the only, way for self-development. Perhaps nature went a little overboard with this evolutionary tool. Competitive spirit and self-affirmation as motivation work great if they do not lead to outright humiliation and tyranny.

Trying to be better than others by playing by the rules and developing personal skills is a completely healthy motivation. Perhaps the whole point is that nature encourages human development, rewarding those successful in this endeavor with a sense of satisfaction. And man, a cunning creature, has learned to deceive himself and experience satisfaction from pseudo-development. This is self-deception, in which, in order to “keep your mark”, you don’t need to grow yourself, it’s enough just to humiliate other people. To stay on the level, it is much easier to let others down than to actually advance in your own evolution. But the surrogate for “development” by belittling other people is a fake, an imitation of development, a dead dummy, which in reality is rather degradation.

Vanity of nothingness

Vanity is a way to deceive yourself, gaining satisfaction from the illusion of your own greatness. In advanced stages, vanity develops into star fever and further in delusions of grandeur - smug paranoia with which a person empty space one imagines one’s own power, beauty and genius. All this - reverse side humiliation. Vanity is exalted baseness.

Sometimes, when we ask for help, or when this help is offered to us without our request, we can experience humiliation, because there is a stamp in our heads that help is required by weak, helpless, or inferior members of society. Some proud people will not ask for help, even if someone’s life depends on it.

We are humiliated not so much by “kings” as by people equal to us, but in their vanity, who imagine themselves to be kings. And if this happens, it means that our position is below average; people can spit and pour slop in our direction as long as we allow it. In a certain sense, the desire to be “above” others is baseness, which is trying to rise at the expense of others.

A vain nonentity rejoices in the pain of others and becomes an “energy” vampire who feeds on the suffering of others. The insignificance seeks out people's sore spots in order to feel power over them. From here the legs grow, including: selfishness, snobbery, ambition, pride, star fever, etc. By putting on all these pompous masks, we flaunt our own humiliation within ourselves. We exalt ourselves to the skies, trampling our own suppressed insignificance into the dirt. This is how we create and maintain an internal mental split in which our greatness is the other side of our insignificance.

When a person experiences humiliation long time, he loses self-respect, and self-esteem becomes low. He closes himself off from others, hides his pain, protecting himself with a mask of a false personality, which is artificially constructed to hide mental trauma. As the internal split grows, the psyche becomes less and less stable, and the person is in constant tension, because he cannot be himself, cannot reveal to others, or even to himself, his insides, disfigured by the bleeding wound of humiliation.

With such a wound in the soul, a person painfully perceives any criticism, accidentally heard outside laughter takes it personally as mockery, and even an innocent remark reminds him of suppressed humiliation.

At the same time, an outside critic is sometimes perceived as if he saw through the humiliated person, revealed his secret about a mental wound in his soul, got under his skin, and, having learned weak point, injected into its very epicenter.

All these are personal hallucinations of a wounded soul. That is why the psychotherapist, while listening to the client, at some appropriate moment may ask a question about similar cases from the past. Perhaps, in distant childhood, when the child was unable to digest humiliation, this experience was repressed into his unconscious. And in the unconscious, mental wounds do not heal, but continue to bleed. To heal, you need to patiently open up, eliminating all false disguises, and face your own fears.

It is not surprising that even innocent criticism can evoke hatred in a wounded soul. A humiliated and vain person is susceptible to flattery, and is extremely dependent on the opinions of others, which others sometimes consciously or unconsciously use. Once humiliated man often plays it safe, defending itself even where there was no sign of an attack, which makes it seem unreasonably harsh and aggressive.

The more advanced the “situation”, the stronger man tense, the more difficult it is for him to communicate with other people, the more lonely a person sometimes feels. In such a situation, the role of a psychologist may be indispensable. A suffering person needs to be simply listened to, allowed to be himself, accepted without any judgment, sensitively and with respect for his essence.

The love of a vain nonentity

At the opposite pole, it is convenient for the sick psyche to attribute internal self-aggrandizement to “victories” on the love front. Such a person in a relationship does not so much build a relationship as assert himself, trying to prove to himself with another victory that he is not a pathetic nonentity. And if this self-affirmation is resisted, “love” suddenly turns into hatred.

Why do we hate our beloved? He did not stroke our pride, did not exalt our person, showed that we are unworthy of such treatment, and therefore our vain majesty falls into the other extreme - humiliation. Hatred is mixed with love, because refusal of reciprocity tramples pride, which in fact was just a cover for one’s own inner insignificance.

And by the way, the more our beloved tramples our pride into the mud, the more we “love” him! Remember? One extreme supports and strengthens the other. This kind of painful “love” goes hand in hand with vanity, hatred and humiliation.

Let me remind you that we're talking about not at all about any real insignificance, but only about his conflicting feelings and guesses about his own account. We do all this to ourselves. This is how mental mechanisms work. We trample ourselves into the dirt in order to exalt ourselves later. Most of us suffer from such mental “wounds” to varying degrees.

Vanity of civilization

Our entire civilization is based on self-affirmation of our own worthlessness. Think back to your childhood. We have always liked heroes who stroked their egos especially skillfully. The cooler the hero, the more masterly he exalts his ego: the indestructible Terminator, or the powerful Neo, defeating the neurotic Smith, Cinderella, who made her way from the bottom of society straight to the prince, Barbie, born in the wealth and luxury of pink glamor.

What is one fairy tale by Pushkin about magic mirror! The crafty mirror inspired the proud queen that she was “the dearest in the world.” And so, a whole mess ensued around the queen’s low self-esteem! The “cruel” truth that the young princess was more beautiful, the queen’s sick psyche could not accept rationally, and in order to keep her image at its best, the queen was ready to go “all the way.” The list can be endless. Every story has a suitable example.

A the greatest masters in this difficult matter of vain self-aggrandizement we stand on spiritual path when, renouncing pride, we indulge precisely that – pride on ever more sophisticated and refined levels. I believe this should be approached with calm understanding.

Vanity and humiliation

A long experience of humiliation does not mean that one can give up on one’s personality. On the contrary, by overcoming imbalance, we gain wisdom and become stronger than we could have become without this strengthening experience. All mental “illnesses” are surmountable. Our weaknesses are simply those mental “muscles” that need to be worked on first, turning weakness into strength.

Often when we see others being criticized, we can easily recognize the critic's subjectivity. But if we are criticized, then we begin to take the criticism seriously. A kind of “coupling” occurs when the hallucinations of the critic seem to coincide with the hallucinations of the humiliated one.

For example, a dominant boss scolds a subordinate, reaching the point of tyranny, and towers over the person who depends on him. And the subordinate, actively participating in the “game” not on equal terms, is humiliated, establishing himself in the position of a weak junior manager. The subordinate perceives this as an “objective” reality, a “common” space in which this single process of humiliation and elevation occurs between two subjects. All this feels so realistic, as if it really were an objective reality. And the reciprocal hatred of the boss also seems justified and appropriate.

However, this whole situation occurs in the head of the subordinate. There is no “objective” reality where the boss, in the role of alpha male, humiliates the subordinate. These are all subjective perceptions, dualistic mind games that most people play in their heads every day.

What's really going on in the boss's head doesn't matter. The boss's subjective experiences do not go beyond his head. If the boss masturbates in public strokes his pride - this is his “national” problem. The subordinate only hears the timbre of the voice, sees facial expressions, and characterizes all this in accordance with his own life experience. And if in his experience there is a psychological trauma of humiliation, it is naturally projected into a new, similar situation.

In psychology, there is a term “classical conditioning”, which refers to the process of developing a conditioned reflex. Perhaps you have heard a joke about laboratory monkeys?

Two monkeys talking in a cage:
- Friend, what is a conditioned reflex?
- Well, how can I explain this to you... Do you see this lever? As soon as I press it, this man in a white coat immediately comes up and gives me a piece of sugar!

Conditioned reflexes occur when, for example, we react to a neutral situation emotionally because in our head it is associated with another situation from the past, where we have already shown exactly these emotions.

That is, when a subordinate hates the Boss, perhaps he actually hates his father, or a bully classmate who in the past subjugated our subordinate by suppressing him. Perhaps the boss's comments were innocent, but some subtly similar shades of his actions awakened repressed feelings in the subordinate and caused an inappropriate reaction.

That is why it is advisable to maintain healthy self-esteem in a child, because the child’s consciousness is not yet able to fully realize the illusory nature of mental duality. Injuries caused in early childhood are suppressed into the unconscious, and can haunt the person all his life. After all, it is in childhood that our basic ideas about the world and society are developed. Change them to mature age extremely difficult.

Humiliating others is a much worse form of pride than extolling oneself beyond what one deserves.
Francesco Petrarca

Pride is an echo of past humiliation.
Stepan Balakin

Don't humiliate yourself before anyone: don't look down on anyone!
Leonid S. Sukhorukov

If you have not humiliated yourself, nothing can humiliate you.
Richard Yucht

Conscious humiliation

Sometimes humiliation is chosen deliberately various reasons. For some, humiliation is a kind of psychological extreme that gives a liberating feeling of uninhibition, overcoming boundaries and freedom from fear.

Fans of extreme sports, for example, during skydiving, feel something similar, with a characteristic rush of adrenaline. The relaxedness of feelings gives you the feeling of being “knee-deep in the sea.”

In other cases, some people like to feel like a subordinate thing, with which the owner will do whatever he wants. This, I believe, is a distorted need for acceptance and trust, somewhat analogous to the trust a child has in his parents.

I already said above that humiliation is the other side of vanity. Perhaps people with great power over others (supervisors, bosses, etc.) may deliberately choose humiliation to smooth out their self-esteem and defuse tension.

In our society there is even a separate psychosexual subculture “BDSM”, which is based on humiliation and dominance in sexual relations. Followers of BDSM get excited and release emotional tension by breaking social conventions and taboos in their role-playing games.

Sometimes they humiliate themselves in order to manipulate the vanity of another person, whom they elevate by their humiliation. For example, humiliating himself, a person in the role of a weak person simply seeks to relieve himself of responsibility in order to leave all difficult matters for a “strong” person, susceptible to flattery and vanity. The one who is humiliated at the same time may consider himself smarter, since he managed to achieve what he wanted with his “cunning” manipulations. Or the humiliated person simply wants pity, and longs to remain forever in a place where it is convenient for him to be helpless and weak.

Beggars and beggars also play on pity for their humiliating situation. They say that some of these “beggars” earn much more decently from humiliation than their benefactors.

Sometimes people resort to deliberate humiliation in order to avoid punishment from the dominant authority. If authority is played into a “game,” it also increases the split in its psyche, swinging the pendulum of vanity and humiliation.

Another, rather rare version of conscious humiliation - with the spiritual goal of pacifying pride and vanity. But with such a goal, a person does not so much humiliate himself as learn to show humility. And such humility, I believe, should not be confused with humiliation. Ordinary humiliation is always a certain kind of self-deception and rejection of the current situation. Humility on the spiritual path, on the contrary, is associated with acceptance of life as it happens. Humiliation is different from humility, just as neurosis is different from holiness.

Inertia

Understanding how our psyche works, how we become attached to the pendulum of humiliation and vanity, helps to draw attention to these mental mechanisms. But even their conscious understanding does not guarantee complete liberation from these experiences. I can judge from my own experience.

Inertia is like one of the key laws of the mind. A mind without habits is the mind of a Buddha. And if a person claims that he does not have pride and a sense of self-importance, most likely, this means that his pride is developed so strongly that it prevents the person from recognizing its presence.

The way out of this painful duality is self-knowledge, diligent systematic awareness, sensitivity and attentiveness to the manifestations of one’s own psyche. To avoid getting involved in this game, be honest with yourself. Does it really matter what leads other people? What drives you?

If you don't play vanity and humiliation, it becomes boring to be humiliated. Not receiving desired result, the petty tyrant ceases to pester with his painful pride.

If you can laugh at yourself, no one can laugh at you. A person is humiliated not when he bows, but when he feels humiliated. The very experience of humiliation is a sign of internal split.

The strong one is not the one who rises, but the one who no longer needs it. It is quite possible to be a successful and prosperous person without becoming a vain idiot. Such impulses in yourself should be carefully examined so that they are extinguished on the vine. Vanity is just a game of power and a real internal split. True strength is our healthy psyche, creative will, developed abilities and talents.

© Igor Satorin

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What is vanity? Perhaps this is one of the qualities inherent human personality? Or something more that is associated with success, reverence, fame? Or maybe something fraught with danger and capable of leading to the loss of the most valuable property human soul? Obviously, the answer is not as simple as it seems at first glance.

The interpretation of the concept of “vanity” can be found in different sources: dictionaries, works of psychologists, works fiction. This problem is covered more deeply in the works of Orthodox hierarchs.

Interpretation of dictionaries

You can get some idea of what vanity is by consulting Russian language dictionaries.

For S.I. Ozhegov, it means a person’s arrogant desire for fame and veneration. The author provides an explanation of such a state as obsession, which, as a rule, accompanies vanity.

The meaning of the word in another edition is supplemented by such properties as arrogance and a clear desire to act as an object of veneration. Here D. N. Ushakov notes the futility and emptiness of such aspirations. T.F. Efremova emphasizes that this quality is unjustified, that is, not confirmed by the true merits of a person.

General meaning of the word

In this two-part concept itself one can find a general answer to the question of what vanity is. It comes from two words. One of them is futile, characterizing futility and emptiness, the second is glory, or, in fact, the goal of all these aspirations. Literally its meaning can be conveyed as “a vain thirst for glory,” or self-delight with arrogant pride. This is an internal desire to prove one's own superiority over everyone else. It's not only characteristic feature painful pride, but quite often one of the main motives for self-development.

Psychologists' opinion

Let's turn to science with the question of what is vanity? The definition proposed by psychologists reflects it as one of the socio-psychological qualities of the human personality, expressed in its obvious desires for veneration and glory. On this basis, there is a reassessment of one’s own abilities and capabilities.

The growing need to appear better than everyone else leads to hypertrophy of pride and the growth of what is called “vanity.” The meaning of the word can also be represented as one of the methods of insidious self-deception, the root of which is hidden under a heap of illusions about one’s own greatness. This self-aggrandizement can lead to dangerous consequences in the form of a “star” disease.

Vanity in the modern world

Today, a person, afraid of being worse than others and being dependent on the opinions of others, rushes towards goals that lead him away from himself. After all, as often happens: outwardly possessing all sorts of “attributes” of a good life, he can be deeply unhappy inside. There can be complete emptiness and disappointment here. It is possible that by acquiring the benefits of civilization and constantly thinking about them, a person is trying to protect himself from the emptiness that is in his soul.

The modern information world contributes to the development of vanity. Today, everything in it is created in order to be able to be in the sight of others, demonstrate yourself, your level of well-being, your achievements in work, business, and even in your personal life.

Vanity is justified because it is recognized as the incentive that allows people to achieve great success. A striking example This includes celebrities, figures from show business, sports or art. People who serve the idol of vanity and give it everything they need normal person priceless - motherhood, health, family, best years of your life. And all this in order to bask in the rays of glory.

This problem is not new. It is enough to turn to works of painting and literature, and it becomes clear: the search for an answer to the question of what vanity is has been relevant at all times.

Orthodoxy

In search of an answer to the same question, let us turn to religion. So what is vanity? In Orthodoxy, a lot has been said about this sinful property of the human soul. The venerable fathers saw his insidious nature and noted that this vice was hidden, many-sided and subtle. He is capable of tempting a person not only carnally, but also spiritually, growing towards both the sinful and the virtuous.

Basil the Great defines as vain the one who is capable of doing or saying something only for the sake of worldly glory alone. The attitude towards the latter among the holy fathers is completely different than among secular people. After all, no glory on earth can compare with that which God has prepared for those who love him. Everything earthly turns to dust and can only be compared with steam, which, having appeared, immediately disappears.

Answering the question of what a person’s vanity is, Orthodoxy calls on him to fight this passion, which entails many other sins:

people-pleasing;
idolatry;
gluttony;
pride.

The way a person thinks about himself determines the direction of his entire life. It is known that, ascending to a higher level, he begins to feel differently: smarter, more beautiful, or simply better than others.

In Orthodoxy everything should be the other way around. Here external advantages are complete emptiness. How more people climbs the ladder of life, the more acutely he feels how unworthy of this ascent, because the level of development here is determined by the degree of humility. And the Lord will judge not so much by deeds, but by heart intentions. A person, doing good that is not intended for God, but with the goal of showing that he is better than others, through his vanity only moves away from God.

The root of this behavior lies in the fallen nature of people, and if you do not consciously fight this, you can fall very low.

How to overcome vanity

Having answered the question of what vanity is to some extent, let’s figure out how you can fight this disease.

The first is to try to be honest not only with others, but also with yourself. Recognize your shortcomings and work on them.

The second rule is to accept criticism adequately. Of course, it is difficult to treat well someone who scolds us. We must remember that by doing so it brings us invaluable benefits, indicating the direction of development.

Third, be careful with praise! It may have completely different roots that are in no way related to its object. This may be a desire to gain favor or simply to do something nice, etc. You should always remember this and try to be critical of praise.

The fourth rule is to set goals slightly higher than your capabilities. And upon achieving them, remember that there are people in the world who have achieved much more, but at the same time remain modest and simple.

The fifth rule is from the Orthodox priest Dmitry Smirnov, who suggests not expressing your opinion until you ask a question or ask for help.

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“It’s hard to be humble when you’re great like me,” said boxing legend Muhammad Ali. And few people can argue with a brilliant athlete. However, turning one's nose up is not best strategy in a world where success is fleeting and unsteady, like a house made of sand.

“Much good can be gained by bowing your head and kneeling from time to time,” these words from the novel “The Shadow of the Mountain” by Gregory David Roberts perfectly reflect the essence of what to do if vanity is slowly putting its claws into our lives.

Why is vanity harmful and why is it worth making an effort to get rid of it? Why shouldn't you let your imaginary crown become too heavy?

In this article we will offer some effective tips on how to eliminate excessive pride in your achievements.

What is vanity

God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.

Sources offer different definitions.

To simplify, vanity is the desire for “vain glory”, the need for universal veneration, the desire to boast and flaunt one’s achievements, real or imaginary.

Vain people need to constantly confirm their superiority over others, they love flattery and other manifestations of admiration for themselves.

Often this trait is combined with such character qualities as vulnerability, envy, hot temper, and inability to accept criticism - even objective criticism.

Share the victory

It helps a lot to get rid of arrogance by realizing the fact that very rarely we achieve anything on our own, without someone’s help, at least indirectly.

Did you manage to get a prestigious job with a high salary? The chances would have been much less if my parents had not paid for studies at a good university in due time.
Are we proud of our next promotion? Great - but perhaps this is partly due to the merit of his beloved uncle, who several years ago recommended a young and inexperienced student to the boss.
Is the grass on the lawn near a private house the most beautiful and well-groomed on the entire street? But you have to borrow a lawn mower from a neighbor.
We can't stop admiring ours unearthly beauty? So this is not our merit at all - thanks to God and mom and dad.
Did your son graduate from school with a gold medal? But it was he who pored over textbooks at night, while his parents snored in unison in the bedroom.

If you think about it, almost every achievement we are proud of has someone else having a hand in it.

The willingness to admit this and share success with those who helped achieve victory is a great help in the fight against vanity.

Be pragmatic

The fight against vanity is not only ethically correct, but also practical. The point is that when we are happy with ourselves, proud of our results and decide to rest on our laurels, we become complacent. And this is a direct path to degradation - having taken off too high and admiring the height of your own flight, it is very easy to lose control and lose everything you have earned through hard work.

To develop, you must always be a little dissatisfied with yourself, critically evaluate your achievements, and not be lazy, set new standards and achieve them.

Be hungry, do not allow yourself to be completely full. Nothing discourages and demotivates more than laziness, a feeling of abundance and a “glass ceiling” when it seems that there is nothing more to strive for.

In addition, vanity makes us biased towards ourselves - we lose the ability to evaluate our weaknesses and become more vulnerable.

Of course, this is not about not giving yourself a second of rest. Rest is necessary to avoid emotional and physical burnout, since any victory should be a joy. This can be compared to climbing a high mountain: from time to time you need to take a break, make tea, sit quietly, looking contentedly at the path already covered. And when the strength returns, keep going.

If all you do is stand at a halt with your nose in the air, new heights will remain unconquered. More precisely, someone else will achieve them - less arrogant and more hardworking. And he waves his hand from top to bottom.

Remember the faith

Vanity is discouraged by most religions of the world. Christianity is no exception.

In Orthodoxy, vanity is ranked among the eight sinful passions; in Catholicism, pride, the manifestation of which is vanity, is included in the list of seven deadly sins.

And the Venerable Optina Elder Leo called vanity “a poison that kills the fruits of even the most mature virtues.”

Make a comparison

Very effective way take off the pinching crown - compare your own successes with someone else. For example, someone began to look down on people because of their own impressive salary. Let him imagine the emotions on the face of Bill Gates, the richest man on the planet, whose fortune is estimated at $75 billion if you tell him your monthly income. It's unlikely to be admiration.

No matter how impressive our achievements are, there will always be someone who can easily rub our nose in the face.

This must be remembered every time you want to take a photo of your proud winner’s profile and put it in a frame: in our world everything is relative.

Accept criticism

No matter how painful it may be.

To become better, we need to learn to accept criticism from people whose opinions are authoritative for us.

Of course, what we mean is constructive criticism – essentially. Knowing your weaknesses although unpleasant, it ultimately provides a serious advantage.

Lead by example

Many great people have suffered from vanity, and if you look closely at their examples, it becomes obvious that it did not bring anything good either to themselves or to the people around them. Their desire to achieve greatness and convince the whole world of their superiority earned them a place in history, but did it make them happy? This will forever remain a secret.

To become less vain, it is useful to remember examples of people who do not suffer from this serious illness - star fever. There are many of these among our predecessors and contemporaries.

Mother Teresa selflessly helped people without trying to become a star, and yet, in a sense, she became one - a real symbol of kindness and compassion, an example to follow for many peoples and generations.
Hollywood actor Keanu Reeves, a world-class star, whom, after The Matrix, only people don’t know... But who doesn’t know him? So, this actor, millionaire, philanthropist easily travels on the subway, lives in an ordinary apartment, and one day, arriving at a club for a party in honor of the film, he took his leading role, waited his turn to go inside along with ordinary visitors, standing in the rain, because the club staff did not recognize him.

And there are many such examples. This is absolutely different people, but they have one thing in common: the lack of ambition to prove to the whole world that they are the best. They simply do their job, and society notices their work. This makes them even more respectful.

VANITY, -I, cf. An arrogant desire for fame, for veneration. Someone is obsessed with vanity.

View value VANITY in other dictionaries

Vanity- Boundless, immeasurable, endless, unceremonious, big, absurd, harmful, exaggerated, stupid, worthless, childish, cheap, wild (colloquial), excessive, frivolous,......
Dictionary of epithets

Vanity Wed.— 1. Unjustified arrogance, arrogance, desire to be an object of veneration.
Explanatory Dictionary by Efremova

Vanity- vanity, pl. no, cf. (book). Empty arrogance, arrogance, the desire to be an object of fame and veneration. Excessive vanity.
Ushakov's Explanatory Dictionary

Vanity- -I; Wed The desire for fame, honor, veneration. Do something out of vanity. T. is his characteristic feature. Feeling of vanity. Flatter someone. vanity. He has more than enough vanity.
Kuznetsov's Explanatory Dictionary

Vanity— This word, meaning “desire for glory,” was formed in Old Slavonic language according to the method of tracing from Greek, where kenodoxia is formed by adding kenos - “empty, vain” and doxa - “glory”.
Krylov's etymological dictionary

Vanity- when it is excessive, in its own interests it deprives a person of pleasure from any activity. Thus, vanity inevitably leads to indifference and boredom. His........
Philosophical Dictionary