You can often hear the following phrases: “We need to be more modest” or "Modesty adorns a person". What do they mean? What is modesty? Modesty– is this an advantage or a disadvantage? Is being modest a necessity or a choice? Before answering all these questions, let's understand the question: “What is modesty?”.

There isn't one precise definition this word. Modesty- this is a character trait, a set of personal qualities of a person, which are expressed in moderation: in demands on the people around them and on life; to luxury and wealth; to vanity; to arrogance while maintaining human dignity and rules of decency.

When answering the following questions, you need to take into account the individual character traits of each person. Living and growing up in society, people do not become similar to each other; each person retains characteristic habits and traits that are unique to him.

Is modesty a virtue or a vice?

In society as a whole and in each individual community, it is usually established certain rules. Can a person who follows all these rules be considered modest? IN in a certain sense- Can. But what then about the manifestation of leadership qualities inherent in the very nature of this person? There is an opinion that for leaders, modesty is more a disadvantage than a virtue. For "leaders in life" It is precisely necessary to be very attentive to yourself; the manifestation of leadership qualities should in no way turn into arrogance, arrogance, arrogance and vanity. By demonstrating himself as a leader, a person can cross the line that separates confidence in his own rightness from impudence, arrogance and arrogance. When people communicate with each other, it is necessary to be extremely correct, so as not to intentionally or unwillingly offend or humiliate the dignity of another person. And how pleasant it is to communicate with a person who does not flaunt his knowledge, his superiority over others. Such a person can be called polite, well-mannered, and modesty "goes hand in hand" with all these qualities.

Thus, we can conclude that modesty is rather a virtue for all people. Being a leader while remaining humble is life position people who, above all, respect themselves. No self-respecting person will allow himself and others to humiliate anyone.

Are modesty and shyness the same thing?

With definition "modesty" We have decided, but can quiet, inconspicuous people also be called modest? They say about these: "He wouldn't hurt a fly". Maybe it's innate modesty? Or is it from lack of self-confidence? Most likely, the second one. This behavior is called shyness. How do these two concepts differ from one another?

Shyness manifests itself from lack of self-confidence; a person is afraid to express his point of view, afraid of being wrong, afraid of being ridiculed by others. Shyness has nothing in common with modesty.

A modest person is confident in himself, knows about his strengths and weaknesses. His upbringing will not allow him to declare loudly, demonstrate his knowledge, or compare himself with others. Therefore, in order to become modest, a shy person needs to develop confidence, self-esteem, and get rid of an inferiority complex.

Religion and modesty

In all world religions, modesty is praised; all canonical texts call for modesty. It is believed that modest behavior can cleanse the soul and thoughts from sins. All religions practice fasting, during which a person consciously demonstrates modesty, abstinence, moderation in food and drink; at this time it is not permissible to swear or be angry; compassion and renunciation of excesses are encouraged, and there is a call for forgiveness and humility. And this is no coincidence, because by cleansing the soul, a person cleanses the body. He becomes more balanced, calm if he shows irritation, learns to ask for forgiveness from the Almighty, and then from the people to whom he reacted with irritation. Religion helps us learn to be humble.

Is being modest a necessity or a choice?

Let's summarize, in order for a person to be treated with respect and valued, one must not only be knowledgeable and intelligent, one must be modest, well-mannered, and have self-esteem. And to be modest or not is everyone’s choice.

Modesty in psychology is what it is moral quality, which characterizes an individual depending on his attitude towards himself and towards others. He is not characterized by boastfulness and arrogance, and with others he behaves on equal terms, even if he has something to be proud of. The basis of this quality is positive, but there are times when modesty is a bad thing.

When does modesty become a negative trait?

1. It happens that modesty takes on an ostentatious character. This technique is usually used by people who are insecure. A person who pretends to be modest and shy is thus asking for compliments and praise. Such manipulations are called false modesty.
2. True natural modesty could be considered positive feature character, if it did not threaten to turn into a complex over time. Often, excessive shyness and constant self-doubt become a problem and prevent a person from developing. A shy person limits his capabilities in all areas of life. It is difficult for him to take a step towards the girl he likes. At his workplace, a mass is swarming in his head interesting ideas, but he is embarrassed to express them. In communication with others, he is silent and boring. Therefore, the question “does modesty decorate a guy” cannot be given a definite answer. When this quality manifests itself to a moderate extent and does not interfere with normal life activities, it is positive. And if there is too much of it, then it can be attributed to negative qualities.

Feminine modesty

With the weaker sex, everything is much simpler; their shyness, weakness and lack of assertiveness are forgiven and even encouraged. We grew up on classical works, in which the meekness and shyness of girls were glorified. Since ancient times, a woman’s modesty testified to her inner dignity and restraint, while arrogance and impudence were signs of bad manners. But even among girls, modesty can cause some inconvenience and cause stress and depression. In this case, it is necessary to fight excessive modesty.

Reasons for excessive modesty

Psychologists believe that excessive modesty can arise due to the following reasons:

Genetics. Scientists talk about the existence of a gene for shyness. It manifests itself from birth in people with an unstable nervous system. upbringing. Improper upbringing and insufficient communication skills constrain a person and make him overly shy. psychological childhood trauma. As a result of the shock experienced in early childhood Many character traits suffer, and modesty is no exception.

How to get rid of modesty?

There are two ways to combat excessive modesty. The first involves character training, special exercises and training. The second way is to contact specialists.

For self-therapy, you can apply the following recommendations:

If these methods do not help, you need to seek help from a psychologist. He will carry out the necessary diagnostic measures and, if necessary, come up with an action plan and explain how to overcome modesty.

Fight your modesty only if it is excessive. If she is moderate, enjoy and be proud of this feeling and do not forget the golden words: “modesty adorns a girl.”

• Modesty gives freedom - from self-confidence and vanity.
• Modesty makes it possible to learn from the people around you, adopting them best qualities.
• Modesty ensures independence - from excessive comfort and luxury.
• Modesty provides an incentive to achieve more; humble person believes that before people appreciate him as a person, he must achieve results in his business.

Expressions of modesty in everyday life

• Hearing. A person who loves and knows how to listen to his interlocutor with sincere interest is modest.
• Concessions. By yielding in ordinary everyday situations, a person shows modesty and respect for others.
• Charity. A person who does charity work and does not advertise it demonstrates whole line virtues; modesty is one of them.
• Family education. By instilling in a child a sincere interest in the people around him and suppressing manifestations of selfishness, parents instill modesty in him.

How to achieve modesty

• Modesty is largely the result of upbringing and the result internal work person above you. Modesty is controllable by a person, and it can be cultivated in oneself, avoiding vanity in every possible way.
• Relationships with family. By showing respect and reverence for elders, interest in equals and concern for juniors, a person develops modesty.
• Interest in the people around you. A modest person is genuinely interested in those around him; each of them has something to learn. By being interested in people and not sticking out one’s own self, a person learns modesty.
• Help those in need. By helping those who need it, and not expecting a return in the form of fame, a person shows modesty.
• Forbearance towards mistakes. A modest person does not boast of education and does not point out to others their mistakes; be it ignorance of any literary quotation or wrong choice cutlery for eating fish.

Golden mean

Vanity, arrogance | complete lack of modesty

Modesty

Self-deprecation | modesty elevated to absolute, the other side of pride

Catchphrases about modesty

Excessive modesty is nothing more than hidden pride. - A. Chenier - In 1969, I published a small book about modesty. This pioneering work , as far as I know, remains unsurpassed.- Lord Longford - One must beware of carrying modesty to the point of humiliation. - A. Bakikhanov - Achieve modesty if you want to achieve wisdom. Increase modesty if you have already achieved wisdom.- E.P. Blavatsky - Be modest - this is the kind of pride that least irritates others. - Jules Renard - Venerable Macarius of Optina / Letters of St. Macarius of Optina. About humility, self-reproach and patience of sorrows

During his lifetime, the Venerable Optina Elder Macarius was an example of special modesty and humility. And his letters to the laity are imbued with the same spirit of acquiring true Christian virtues. Fedor Dostoevsky / Poor people Dostoevsky's novel "Poor People" is interesting not so much for its social pathos, but in a bright way

the modest official Makar Devushkin, whom the author managed to reveal in all the beauty and nobility of his soul, using the form of correspondence between the hero and his beloved.

Personality, which is expressed in the fact that a person comes into a state of extreme awkwardness from some life events.

The concept of modesty originates from childhood. If a child is constantly pulled back, not allowed to realize his dreams, scolded for showing a bright individuality, then he will not develop the habit of realizing his goals. But it is so important in our lives to be able to express our desires, to know what you want to achieve as a result of certain efforts. A modest person will hardly allow himself to somehow stand out from the crowd, and this is extremely necessary if we are talking about a mature, accomplished person.

You should never hinder a child’s new beginnings or tell him that nothing will come of a new venture or idea. Children are extremely sensitive to various comments, so you should choose your words with caution and common sense.

Character trait - modesty

What is a modest person like? He probably often lowers his eyes, is embarrassed to say an extra word in front of strangers, and estimates his own capabilities very low. In fact, such an attitude towards oneself cannot be called adequate, because it does not take into account the individual abilities and talents that, without a doubt, each of us possesses.

You need to understand that modesty blocks a person’s capabilities and forces him to keep his prospects to himself. It is certainly convenient for people around you to be around a modest person. He does not cause inconvenience, does not pester you with questions, and, as a rule, is very delicate in communication. But you need to understand that modesty harms the individual itself, does not allow her to be herself, to develop her own capabilities. Such behavior can lead to very sad results when talents and abilities turn out to be hidden inside and cannot find a way out into the world.

Modesty of a woman

Female modesty has at all times been considered synonymous with humility and an easy-going character. It is believed that natural delicacy and reluctance to interfere in the lives of others are characteristic of the fairer sex. There is a widespread belief that modesty, to one degree or another, adorns a woman. She becomes soft, pliable, pleasant, and will not contradict anyone. Meanwhile, not all women who express obvious modesty in communication really agree with everything that others say. It’s just that these women, for one reason or another, have a strong fear of being misunderstood and offended. They try their best to hide their own position, so that when you look at them, it is sometimes impossible to imagine what they really think. Modest women, as a rule, underestimate themselves, and therefore are often forced to play other people's roles in society.

How to overcome modesty?

Those who want to get rid of the habit of living by the needs and desires of other people need to reconfigure their own perception of reality. It is important to learn to look at things differently, at life around you. It should be remembered that excessive modesty and shyness always harm personality development. In other words, we can say that modesty is synonymous with self-doubt ( read an article about). Below are useful tips, helping to minimize the appearance of modesty.

Thus, modesty is not so much a natural quality of a person as a habit of acting and behaving in society in a certain way. Of course, it needs correction, so that the person begins to realize his own value and significance.

Modesty is positive quality personality, which manifests itself in relation to oneself, and not in relation to other people. Almost always, modesty is directly proportional to talent. Modesty, unlike immodesty, knows how to listen and perceive new things.
Modesty is sincerely interested in others, respects the norms of morality and ethics accepted in society.
Modesty gives freedom from vanity and provides the opportunity to learn from others, adopting their virtues. A modest person is characterized by another positive quality - he is not intrusive in communication.

If a Modest person sees that someone communicating with him is not happy, he will try to avoid contact.
Modesty does not bother other people with your behavior. Modesty should not be confused with downtroddenness and softness.

Modesty is, first of all, a developed sense of self-esteem

Another concept parallel to Modesty is Downtroddenness. Congestion arises from the fear of losing something serious. Downtroddenness is an extreme manifestation of Modesty. Modesty cannot be used for selfish purposes. Modesty has its own purpose and therefore can always politely refuse. Modesty adds nothing of its own to the learned truth.
Modesty knows how to explain, because modesty does not get nervous when a person does not understand, but continues to patiently present its confident point of view in a friendly manner.

Often in society, the concept is fixed that modesty is weakness and indecisiveness, but experience and facts prove to people that this is a mistake. Modesty is Strength and Respect for character.

Anyone who deeply explores his inner self finds mistakes in himself and inevitably becomes Modest. He is no longer proud of his knowledge and does not consider himself superior to others.

Scale of values ​​andextreme manifestations: > > >

Strong man, modest and is devoid of Pride, he does not need honors and glory. The ability to humbly listen and hear another person is extremely important for relationships in family life. If spouses know how to listen to each other’s opinions, then the family is a single whole, which means it is based on mutual respect. The egoist does not listen to anyone, and no one wants to listen to him. To achieve the state emotional Happiness, Goodness - the character trait Modesty is extremely important!

Modesty according to Esoteric views

A modest person is, first of all, a peaceful person. However, a peaceful person can be far from modest and, as you know, there are devils in still waters. Modesty is very different from meekness. Humility means victory over anger, a person perceives all incoming information humbly, whether he is scolded or praised - he will react equally humbly.

Humility - top quality A holy person, it automatically assumes the presence of modesty. Modesty doesn't have to be humble.

Manifestations of Modesty

If modesty is scolded or insulted, the manifestation may be Anger. Modesty is indifferent to glorification, honors, gifts, but when its human dignity is insulted, Modesty can manifest itself in the form of an outburst of Anger.
Humility is generally the absence of anger, and modesty is the absence of desire for honor. Modesty is a necessary step towards humility.

Properties of immodesty

If a person cannot evade honors, this in no way speaks of his immodesty.
Manifestations of immodesty are when a person focuses attention on himself, behaves in a mannered manner, speaks loudly, with pathos and commanding notes in his voice, is flashily dressed, and shows Envy.

Immodesty, as a manifestation of pride, constantly comes into conflict with others, and this leads to suffering and pain.

When a person does not speak sincerely, with pathos, people consciously or unconsciously resist his immodesty.
The negative energy background in communication with an immodest person can usually be clearly distinguished.
When communicating in society or society, the risk of conflict increases, and this means pain and suffering. The ego of immodesty collides with the massive ego of others.

Unlike immodesty, modesty is always in a state of peace, that is, its mind is calm. Peace is the calmness of the mind, that is, the mind of a peaceful person is not agitated by his ego, he is constantly at peace.

An immodest person, without showing honor to him, experiences envy. Immodesty without honor grimaces and comes from envy. Modesty behaves calmly, unpretentiously, and always performs his duty well, with or without honors. Immodesty, if lured by honors, will fulfill her duties; it will not even occur to her to disinterestedly fulfill her duty.

Lack of modesty is a burning desire for honor

Immodesty is not stable; without rewards, privileges and honors, it is unworkable.
In other words, it is difficult to have a relationship with an immodest person. He does not work consistently, conflicts with people, and is not respected. Working in a team with the manifestation of immodesty by one or more employees will corrode envy.

The test of modesty is the praise of the Flatterer.

A flatterer will always find a corner of immodesty in the soul. Immodesty is manifested by a laudatory statement addressed to a person. Expecting honors and an indiscreet person, she blurs with praise, unable to hide her reaction. Indulging your Pride is what awaits immodesty.

Modesty, indifferent to praise. Modesty is the opposite of arrogance.

These two qualities form a scale of opposites such as Modesty - Impudence When modesty becomes the manifested side of a personality, we consider such a person to be modest. According to the esoteric laws of personality development, Modesty is the quality of a Holy person.

Real, not ostentatious Modesty attracts Modesty. As an example of life - if a modest girl wants to get married, then like attracts like. An arrogant girl will attract the attention of men who are interested in her body, and not her inner world.
Modesty manifests itself within a person - it is internal purity and the ability to preserve and protect this purity.

Modesty is the most powerful weapon of a Woman in the fight for a Man

Modesty is one of the qualities of a Strong personality. Strong personality a modest person is not burdened by Pride. A strong person sees Events and the society of the outside world without bias and Egoism.

Modesty does not tend to find faults in other people. This is the fundamental property of this quality.

Envy is a sign of lack of modesty

Modesty lives in harmony with one's desires and capabilities; it is not pretentious and restrained. She is disgusted by excesses, luxury and destructive lust. Therefore, modesty will reach a material goal faster than immodesty. The external goal is achieved through the implementation of the internal goal.

An internal goal means to cultivate the best possible personality traits, and then external goals are realized automatically.

As an example: The husband’s goal is for his wife and children to respect him.

Forcing yourself to be respected through external manifestations - giving gifts, showdowns and scandals - will not achieve the Goal.

But if he sets an Internal goal - to transform and become a responsible person and strives for this goal, the result will not be long in coming. Women respect responsibility in a man. Having felt changes in the behavior of the father and husband, his loved ones will change their attitude towards him for the better.

Immodesty is unable to listen

Active listening involves Humility. This personality quality is opposite to Pride, so immodesty cannot claim it. Pride grows and activates the Egoism of a person’s Personality.

Gradually, a person’s Ego destroys Consciousness, and he begins to feel omniscient, the most intelligent and irreplaceable. The disease is progressing. This means that modesty is lost, the ability to further develop, improve, and progress is lost. When a person and Personality was modest, he could listen to other people and learn from them. That's when he was happy. Based on the baggage of past merits, a person tries to confirm his importance.

Selfishness, immodesty and greed

The character trait Greed manifests itself as a negative manifestation of immodesty. A person who has lost modesty suffers failures in life. When a person’s consciousness is infected with Egoism, he is unable to convey his thoughts and knowledge to other people. When a person is in Pride, he cannot convey anything to people, they simply do not understand him.

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