The American mentality is the first thing that catches the eye of people who come to the United States as a guest (and some people stay here for this very reason). So what makes people stay in the USA, what makes this country so attractive for immigration?

American mentality - simplicity

Americans are simple people and, as a rule, communicate with each other informally. The official form of address (for service personnel) is sir (for men) and ma"am (for women). When people address you like this, it’s nice. You feel like a lady! :)

They also dress simply. Unlike Moscow, you won’t find girls in heels almost anywhere; everyone wears flip-flops or sneakers, jeans or shorts, T-shirts or T-shirts. Muted tones, nothing bright. Only in nightlife establishments do young ladies “have a blast”, allowing themselves a celebration of color and silhouette.

On buses and subways, you can sit in any position you like, you can even lie down. This is all accepted here. In high school, there are separate tables for each person, and you can put your legs on top of this table right during the lesson. Nobody will tell you anything either. You can also safely go to school in your pajamas if you haven’t had time to change. This is also not forbidden. I already wrote about this in the article. 🙂

Americans like to make fun of each other and, as they put it, talk shit (this is a manner of teasing of a slightly aggressive nature, usually such conversations are only between close acquaintances).

In general, the frames here are more erased. You can say to the person in the elevator: “How dare you buy lasagna and tease everyone around you?” Therefore, my American tried, out of habit, to talk to everyone in our Moscow metro (I wrote more about his trip to Russia). No one gets offended by such phrases; people will keep up the conversation and laugh together.

American mentality is good natured

Almost all Americans say hello to strangers. They say “Hi”, “Hi, how are you?” or “good morning”, while usually smiling, sometimes from the whole mouth. 🙂 Sometimes they just show you the back of their hand as a sign of greeting.

If you meet a person more than once, in order to smooth out an awkward moment, people start talking. What can they talk about? For example, about the weather. If you run or ride a bike, they ask how many laps you do, and they tell you how many laps they do. They call it small talk.

Some people don't say hello at all, which I already find rude (usually Mexicans or African Americans).

In some establishments, the atmosphere is so friendly, as if you have known these people for a thousand years. This is cool!

Last Saturday we went to a communication salon, we sat and waited in line. Some people's children can't stop playing with phones intended for sale. One girl lay down on the floor and plays with a tablet. Nobody makes any comments to her. When it was our turn, we approached the seller and began to talk about the topic of our visit. When the topic was exhausted, the guys decided to talk about sports. At this time people are waiting. And the seller chats about sports with the buyer! 🙂

American mentality & Google translator

I have often noticed that the meaning of words, as Google translator would translate them, is not at all what they really are. That is, like those, but by 20 percent. For example:

1. dork - “moron.” In fact, this word is good for those who are a little crazy;
2. silly - “stupid”. In fact, it is more similar to our “stupid” (not to be confused with stupid);
3. dumb - “stupid”. In fact, the meaning is softened for those who are a little dumb. 🙂
4. hot is something between sexy and beautiful. This is slang, but you can even use it when communicating with your parents, talking about your new boyfriend. Or tell a person to his/her face that he/she is so hot! 🙂 Not allowed to be used in a formal setting.
5. ugly - ugly, ugly. This word is used quite rarely in Russian because it is considered very rude. IN English the word doesn’t have such a strong meaning, you can easily say that about someone. But not to your face.

These are just five examples, I, of course, do not urge you to say whatever you want, you can get punched in the face. But the understanding of words here is softer than in Russian, where you would definitely get punched in the face!

American mentality is positive

People around you must think that everything is great with you. You can't discuss your money problems if there are people nearby. You are wealthy, happy and have no problems a priori.

I like the American mentality with its friendly attitude and freedom to behave in some situations as your soul wants (I wrote about other freedoms in the USA)

Money relationships

Americans pay money for the slightest services rendered to them. For example, when my MCH went to Russia to visit me, he paid his father $200 for a week of his absence. The father’s responsibilities included coming to his house once a day, feeding the dog and cleaning up after it. And also his father takes money for what babysits her granddaughters sometimes! This is accepted and in the order of things. They pay their friends when they come and start your car (we had battery problems one time), and for many, many other things. It's just their way of expressing gratitude. 🙂

How do Americans solve problems?

To solve problems, they resort to very interesting tricks. 🙂 Maybe we can learn something from them?

1. To solve the problem of long waits for baggage at the Houston airport, management decided (attention!) to increase the time it takes to transport passengers from the plane to the baggage claim hall by 6 times. Passengers no longer complained about baggage delays.
2. To solve the problem of long waits for elevators in high-rise buildings, it was decided to hang mirrors next to them so that those waiting could “spy” on the people standing next to them or admire their loved ones.
3. To solve the problem of long lines at Disneyland Park, the administration decided to hang electronic displays near the attractions with (attention!) deliberately increased waiting times. Visitors now knew what they were getting into when they joined the queue and were always very happy when they passed before the specified time.
4. The small items we all know at checkout counters (chewing gum, lollipops, chocolates, etc.) appeared there because people didn’t like standing in line for a long time. And now they are still shopping, waiting for their turn. By the way, in connection with this, supermarkets began to earn $5 billion more per year. Tricky, isn't it? 🙂

I hope the article was interesting! If so, then I suggest you subscribe, because it will be even more interesting! 😉 Bye-bye!

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IN lately there has been much more talk about how different worldviews Russians and Americans have. The mentality is really different, but is it fundamentally different?

The whole world is enemies

Outsiders really cannot understand the mystery of the Russian soul. IN at the moment, if we measured this misunderstanding, the device would go off scale. But they did not come up with either a device or a way out of this misunderstanding. Even jokes on the topic of differences in mentality have recently become much more numerous.

Probably because after the decades-long Cold War, perestroika provided an opportunity to get closer and get to know each other better. Well, we found out. The Russians, who never lost their trust, came and knocked on the door. And then, according to blogger Olga Tukhanina, the door opened to put a bullet in the stranger’s forehead. Why is this so?

History will answer for everything

This is the reality. Americans, whose mentality is based on confidence in own strength, and therefore rightness, are quite cruel. Besides, it's weird high degree sentimental, which, however, is quite inherent in real cruelty. It's all about the origins, so it makes sense to consider the history of the two states. Both Russians and Americans know war quite well.

The mentality, however, has not ceased to be different. This is because the Russians defended and won, while the Americans attacked and also sometimes won. America does not have a single song about enemies who burned down their home and killed all their relatives. They do not know real suffering, and therefore there is no real compassion in them. That is why the mentality of Americans differs from Russians. Russia knows what it means to protect its own land.

Impunity

After the notorious September 11, when not twenty million people died, like the Russians did in the Great Patriotic War, but several thousand people, an act was adopted that grossly violated what the Americans were especially proud of. The mentality has been enriched with a new characteristic touch. They are able to give up a little of their freedom for the sake of security. And someone else’s can be completely destroyed.

For the United States, this event was the most outrageous in the entire history of the country. Not Indian genocide. Not atomic bombs to Japan. Not the children of Vietnam running in the fire of napalm. No. The Americans then sincerely pitied the murdered children; paper cranes flew across America in flocks in honor of the Japanese baby who died of radiation sickness. But the Americans did not repent, no. This whole situation - self-importance and disregard for the rest of the world - has every tendency to continue in the future: Yugoslavia, Afghanistan, Iraq, Libya, Syria... They bomb wherever they want. And as much as they want. Are they that brave or do they have nothing to fear?

Dead end

In Europe they remember the war, and even more so in Russia. But in the USA they don’t know anything about it, although they fight constantly. Thousands of kilometers from home, why not fight? Most often, in front of the monitor, it’s as if they’re playing a game, like they’re watching a Hollywood action movie.

"Wow!" - Hillary Clinton exclaimed enthusiastically when she was shown footage of the terrible death of Muammar Gaddafi. And she clapped her hands. Isn't that what the rest of America is for the most part? Hence the difference between Americans, Indians and British. If most people in a country like to kill foreigners, then that country is a danger to the rest of the world.

Dialogue?

The Kremlin is unusually active right now. This, by the way, is a feature of the purely Russian mentality - to finally wake up, look around and be amazed: wow, what have they done here without me! Many steps of our foreign policy - in Syria, for example - clearly show that there is an urgent need for a tough dialogue between Russia and the United States. Is it really possible to come to a peaceful agreement with those who like to kill everyone and who are accustomed to doing this? And the indisputable fact is that they will also try to kill us, and not reach an agreement at all; the American mentality does not suggest anything else.

We've already tried to talk. Gorbachev not long ago threw down his weapon and extended both hands. And then: he was handcuffed, and the country received a bullet in the forehead. We are strangers to them. And they are the masters of the whole earth. We missed a bit that time, we made a mistake. And a second instance of dialogue, if it happens, is unlikely to give America the opportunity to take another shot. The only thing Russians should be afraid of is a knife in the back.

Elections

To understand how the mentality of Americans differs from that of Russians, it is worth comparing the election situations in both countries and the attitude towards them. Since parliament and State Duma pass almost simultaneously, the pictures are easy to sort and classify. The mentality of Americans and Russians is especially clearly visible in the fresh tracks. The difference is that in America the same Hillary Clinton shouts that she will return US hegemony and destroy Putin and Russia.

In Russia, they do not know such a purely American trend as the infrastructure of influence on the whole world: the Russians did not invent a world currency that has enslaved them and are also not distinguished by their military presence around the world. It’s also worth looking at the map to confirm: they covered the entire planet, concentrating around Russia. And even with such an external threat, the Russian mentality is invincible: in the recent elections, more than half of the population hoped for chance and did not attend the vote.

From the point of view of modern psychology

Despite the fact that Russians and Americans have the same physiological body, many psychologists believe that this is completely different types people. And their differences are almost entirely in the subconscious, that is, actions are performed absolutely automatically. It is impossible to even compare the mentality of Americans and Russians in the perception of themselves and those around them, because there are practically no points of contact from which comparisons could begin. The American relies only on himself, does not see any obstacles to achieving his goal, and simply sweeps away those that get in his way. This gives rise to unjustified self-confidence.

I want to grow myself long fingers, like Chopin’s, and I will! Oh, they haven't grown up. It means that he wanted it somehow weakly, he didn’t try. These are the main features of the American mentality. I want to be the strongest - I will weaken the rest. But the Russians look mostly around and do nothing most of the time, relying on circumstances. I wanted to do something, but historically it didn’t work out, the weather was bad, the government got in the way. That is, in the Russian mentality there is an apparent and unfounded lack of self-confidence. But everything is historically going well, the weather is not a hindrance, the government will help if the people are faced with a common task. Conciliarity is what is most important for Russians. And this is how the mentality of Americans and Russians differs.

Conversations in different languages, although everything is in English

It is very difficult for Russians and Americans to even start a conversation. Russians remain silent for a long time and stubbornly, creating a false impression among others of either cowardice or stupidity. In fact, they calculate how right or wrong they will be if they speak. Russians really don’t like to be wrong. It is not in vain that there are popular sayings: “The word is silver, but silence is gold” and “The word is not a sparrow; if it flies out, you will not catch it.” Personal opinion is very valuable for a Russian, but he will almost always prefer public opinion.

For Americans it's the other way around. They are confident that they have a complete understanding of everything in the world. They are taught at school that it is necessary to express their opinion on any matter, and therefore they chat and chat non-stop, otherwise it is difficult for them to exist. But this does not mean at all that the American is braver, stronger or has a better mind. No. Taking an unreasonably high position of know-it-all, even the most prominent American experts cannot understand either the Russians or Russia. Even if our countries begin negotiations, both have the impression that they are being conducted in different languages.

Don't say "yes" or "no"...

Children's game. Such simple words, which cannot be avoided, may even serve as a reason for starting another war, if we do not take into account the mentality of the Americans and Russians. The difference is that among Russians the word “no” has gradations, but among Americans “no” is used in a single meaning - only no, solely and exclusively. They do not like those who use this word, and they themselves almost never use it - only in exceptional cases. With the word “yes” it’s exactly the opposite. For Russians there is no other meaning of this concept, but for Americans it has as many meanings as they like. They even use it instead of “no” so that nothing threatens their private boundaries, in case the interlocutor gets angry at a refusal.

And therefore, cultural communication between two people, companies or countries quite often comes to a dead end. Russians consider hearing “yes” instead of “no” to be hypocrisy, and “no” is considered something like “well, almost yes.” Americans begin to behave aggressively if they are not understood or accepted: they said the word “no”. The Russians scratch their heads in amazement when the American partner, who clearly and loudly said “yes,” suddenly did not fulfill his promises. And since the mentality is almost completely different, it is incredibly difficult for Russians and Americans to agree on anything. Although there were such joyful moments. True, a long time ago. And they immediately disappeared for a long time. Let's hope not forever.

Intermediaries

If an insufficiently comfortable situation is created for an American due to the fault of others, then he, as a Russian would do, will never sort things out himself, make comments and generally teach how to live. He will appeal to the authorities - the police, the court, any regulatory authorities. For the Russian mentality, fiscalism is not in honor; a Russian will definitely be offended, because he had no idea that he was bothering someone, and any “buffer system” is of no use so that he stops bothering others. "Sneak" from early childhood is one of the worst insults. Russian parents teach their offspring: don’t complain, figure it out yourself.

In America it's the opposite. Complaining to the teacher is the right thing to do and is much better than just straight away punching, for example, the offender of the girls in the face. For the first, he will be praised by both the teacher and his classmates; for the second, he may be expelled from school. In the United States, the average American always strictly follows the laws. In Russia, it’s even scary to think about complaining about your neighbors to the building manager - everyone will condemn you, even the building manager will be surprised. And if there are no cars on the horizon, any Russian will definitely cross the street at a red light. Because he has a different vision of expediency. Conflict is also a type of communication. Showdowns with neighbors easily turn from fights into long and true friendships. And this is a normal, open and honest relationship for Russians. Say what you think. Defend what is said not in a litigious manner, but directly with each other. For Americans, any conflict means good neighborliness. What is especially bad is that this mentality greatly affects international relations.

Communication with Americans is an inevitable stage of socialization for everyone who finds themselves in the United States. Even if you come just as a tourist, you can only get a real taste of America once you start interacting with the locals.

Let me make a reservation right away that it is extremely difficult to understand the phenomenon of the “American mentality” - at least because here, in the country of emigrants, there live a huge number of different people from all over the world, with different histories, different levels education and various years of living in the United States.

America is made up of Chinese students, Indian programmers, Ukrainian businessmen, Japanese artists and even former Russians working for the American Department of Defense. The diversity of nationalities and cultures is what makes this country successful and fascinatingly interesting.

And yet, many emigrants from the post-Soviet space complained that in the first months and even years of their stay in the United States they encountered certain general features of the “American mentality” that were unusual for our culture.

Below I have tried to list some observations of such emigrants, which may be useful to newcomers and will help them avoid annoying mistakes and inflated expectations. So, when communicating with Americans, do not forget that:

1. Being praised doesn’t mean anything. . Americans are almost as generous with compliments as they are with smiles, and their compliments often carry the same meaning. People from Russia and post-Soviet countries are accustomed to the fact that praise and professional approval entail some consequences: they will hire you, recommend you somewhere, support your activities, promote you, etc. In the absence of such consequences Many emigrants are left with the feeling that they were deceived or shamelessly flattered.

However, in America you have to get used to the fact that if your work is noted as “extraordinarily necessary, important and very necessary for us,” this may mean absolutely nothing. You should not hope that your interlocutor will try to find material reinforcement for his words. And this also does not mean that he is a liar and flatterer. Praise and expression of approval in America is valuable in itself; it is perceived not only as politeness, but also as support for a person, helping him to believe in himself. The question of where support and encouragement ends and manipulation begins is, in fact, not so simple, since both are widely represented in American everyday culture. But just in case, be prepared for the fact that you should expect and demand only what is enshrined in the relevant agreement. Everything else is just words that you should learn to appreciate on their own.

This also includes the expectation of “barter”. In Russia or Ukraine there is unspoken rule, according to which, if you have done something good for a person, you have the right to count on goodness in return. In practice, such expectations are not always realized in our country, but the very legitimacy of such hopes is usually not questioned. We are accustomed to accepting the complaints of people who did not receive the expected gratitude with sympathy. In America, most likely, such expectations simply will not be understood. If you were not promised anything specific, it only means that you are not owed anything. If you did something for another person that he himself assessed as necessary and useful, this was the realization of your own desire– this is a free country, isn’t it?

2. If people don’t argue with you, it doesn’t mean they agree with you. . American culture is based on tolerance and respect for all opinions. From childhood, Americans are taught to be calm about the differences between one another and one another. It is difficult for them to understand that many of the beliefs of “our people” are based not only on stubbornness or inflexibility in relation to the opinions of others.

Often, the “radical” views of emigrants from post-Soviet countries hide the difficult experience of pain, war and repression, and therefore tolerance for outright evil seems to us an unforgivable luxury. However, Americans who do not have such experience will think first of all about not hurting your feelings, and will listen to both you and your opponent with equal patience - no matter how unprincipled it may seem to you.

However, do not rush to blame the Americans for being soft - who knows, maybe someday you yourself will need to be accepted for who you are, and condescended to your mistakes - even if you are wrong.

3. Your past doesn't matter to Americans. . This point logically follows from the previous one. In America, it is not customary to reproach a person even for being wrong in the present, and even more so it is not customary to judge him for the past. The opportunity to start a new life with a clean slate is certainly a wonderful thing, even if some people begin to abuse it. For example, you can find former KGB employees and agents in the United States who have made a fortune by telling “thrilling stories” from their past. Devoid of our negative experiences, Americans do not perceive such a past as sinister or shameful. Rather, for them it becomes just another “exotic” that attracts curious adventure lovers.

However, despite all the costs, this point carries much more positive than negative. This means that you can correct your past mistakes and make choices again. No one will bully you for something that, even if you wanted to, you cannot change.

Americans believe in second chances - and some, due to their naivety, also in third chances.

4. Americans don't always keep their word. . It would seem that optionality is a trait considered an attribute of the post-Soviet mentality. However, practice shows that many American promises have approximately the same meaning as compliments. As has already been said, if the obligation to do something for you is not fixed in the contract, and the person you are dealing with is not your close friend, his promise to try to do something for you may only end in fruitless hopes - even though , that lying in this country is formally severely condemned. However, promises in the eyes of Americans are still one step lower than just lies. In this case, your expectations are no longer perceived as as unreasonable as the hopes from point 1, but this doesn’t make it any easier for you, right?

5. With all the costs, Americans, for the most part, good people . Even if sometimes they don't seem like it to you. Just don’t expect too much from them and attach too much importance to beautiful words, the habit of saying which is an inevitable feature American culture. Maybe over time you will even come to like this culture.

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Since we are already talking about such delicate problems, we should note another feature of the Americans, which is not always known among us. Almost all American men are circumcised at birth. The procedure is as routine and is considered mandatory, just like, for example, cutting the umbilical cord. Circumcision in America has nothing to do with religion, unless, of course, the child is born into an Arab or Jewish family, and is considered a procedure necessary to prevent certain diseases and maintain hygiene.

American women who come to Europe always note that the sight of an uncircumcised male organ is very unusual for them. Americans hardly know that in developed European countries circumcision is not accepted and is not considered necessary. Where did this “ritual” come from? American soil? Let's start with the fact that circumcision itself arose as a religious procedure back in the days of Ancient Egypt, as evidenced by wall paintings, and then came to Semitic and Arab countries. And it came to America from England, which around the 18th century practiced circumcision as a procedure necessary to protect boys from masturbation, which, in those distant and very recent times, was considered the cause of many diseases, including madness and blindness . And for greater persuasiveness, so that it would not be common to even think about sexual pleasures, English priests recommended circumcising all boys whom their parents accidentally caught in a “shameful act,” and, moreover, doing this without any anesthesia.
Somewhere in the 20-50s, circumcision in America began to be performed in all maternity wards in order to prevent masturbation in adolescence. Since all serious charges have now been removed from this intimate communication with one’s body, the basis for circumcision in America is now the need to maintain the hygiene of the organ, and American hospitals and doctors do not want to abandon this operation. (Why, guess for yourself.)
Parents are given a choice whether to do it or not, but the rare ones who refuse will cause sincere bewilderment, as if they do not want their son’s well-being. Yet, quite recently, a few voices of American doctors and mothers against this procedure have emerged. They explain that there is no scientific evidence of an increase in the number of diseases in the uncircumcised organ, moreover, the circumcised organ becomes less sensitive, since the uncovered tissue hardens over time (which is what those struggling with masturbation were counting on), and this in turn requires stronger stimulation or even the predominant use of oral and anal sex for this purpose. (I have a suspicion that this is not the reason why homosexuality is so widespread in America).
The mothers themselves who allow this procedure are compared by opponents of circumcision to representatives of African tribes who practice circumcision of girls, which caused horror among Americans when they learned about it. Mothersagainstcirc points out that mothers who allow circumcision are depriving their sons of the opportunity to experience more of normal sexual intimacy, and men who have had the procedure as adults report a big difference in terms of less sensation after the operation. Well, the struggle has just begun, and let's continue the conversation about the relationships between men and women in two cultures.

Unlike those of us who are so attracted to a woman’s weakness and defenselessness, which we associate with tenderness, Americans will be primarily attracted to a woman (except for her appearance - where can one go from that), self-confidence, the ability to solve complex everyday problems, optimism and an open, sociable nature.

Shine and independence will interest them more than tenderness and defenselessness, and complaints and “poorness” will have a downright repulsive effect, just as a partner’s excessive affection will more likely push him away from him than serve as proof of great love.
In fact, Americans are very fond of pity and saving - remember all these calls to save the jungle from deforestation, whales from crawling ashore, wild animals from furriers, women from abortions, humanity from terrorists, and soon they will begin to save the “organ” from circumcision, but pity has nothing to do with sexuality. The meaning of our saying “he regrets means he loves” remains completely incomprehensible to them. If a Russian girl constantly complains in letters to her American fiancé about the hardship of life, then most likely he will lose interest in her, or she will get a husband with tendencies towards control and violence. We must also not forget that men looking for a bride in other countries, as a rule, are not young, successful, attractive representatives of the male half of America with an uncomplicated open character. Something from this description fails, otherwise there would be enough of their brides, who can be feminine, cook well, and dress well. That is, we are now talking not about the characteristics of our American grooms, but about typical American behavior.

The desire for independence, the reluctance to complain even under very unfavorable circumstances, is expressed in advice and manuals for American women, how to find and charm Mr. Right, that is, your prince. The ability to present oneself from the best side comes to the fore. That is, to be independent, attractive and attentive, it is recommended not to talk about your problems at all, but to radiate optimism and smiles. And if love becomes the only meaning and completely enslaves you, Americans say “Get the life” - don’t live someone else’s life, and consider such a strong attachment as unhealthy. What we might consider a manifestation of strong love can be a manifestation of imposition for Americans, and what we consider a manifestation of care can be felt as control.
It is very interesting to compare how some of our marriage agencies describe Russian women, wanting to present their clientele to the Americans as advantageously as possible. On one of the Internet sites where photos are posted for dating, there is a comment that a Russian woman is a “motherly type”: she takes care of her husband with great care, trying with all her might to create a strong and happy family. And here is what the Americans themselves advise men regarding what type of women should be avoided: along with the aforementioned “gold digger”, who is only interested in the material level of a man, the “bambi” - who, apart from a pretty face, has nothing and can’t talk to her what, “gulen” - who will shamelessly cheat at every opportunity, is also called the “maternal type”, that is, a woman who straightens your collar before leaving home and will drive you with her care (and therefore control!) to a madhouse . Yes and American psychologists They always warn wives not to take on the “role of a mother” towards their husband, as this kills any sexuality in a man towards his wife. So, not everything that is good for us is always suitable for an American.

Jealousy is also considered not a manifestation of love, but a desire to control. Americans trust each other much more in personal relationships, and infidelity in the family, which happens, as elsewhere, is much more rare than in Russian families. The attitude of even very close friends to the fact that you are cheating on your husband or wife is sharply negative, because this is a deception that speaks about your character. In such cases, there is only one piece of advice - get a divorce first, and then start affairs. For example, Sandy writes to a magazine asking for advice on what to do. Her best friend recently admitted that she has been unfaithful to her husband, and Sandy asks if it would be morally right to tell her husband everything, since she can no longer be the friend of such a cheater. In the magazine, however, she is advised not to tell her husband, since she should not interfere in other people's family affairs, but to help her friend find out why she is cheating. Let her tell it herself.
Infidelity usually leads to divorce, and those who put up with it are not a common occurrence.
And now another case described by Lynn Visson. Natasha returned after a four-month absence, and suddenly her American husband admitted to infidelity. She cried and cried, but then she forgave him: he’s so cute, so everyone hangs on him. “Why did you tell me about this?” - She was the only one who was perplexed. If she had a Russian girlfriend nearby, she would probably say: “Why do you leave a guy alone for a long time?” (This still has its own wisdom.) Both would hardly have occurred to an American woman. Lynn Visson is trying to explain to Americans this incomprehensible behavior of Russians: Russians believe that a man should not be frank with his wife about everything, and should protect her feelings by not talking about his “adventures.” Yes, of course, we agree. How about protecting her feelings without doing these “adventures,” the Americans will say.
Muriel and Joyce, having married Russian guys, were very surprised that their husbands never wanted to talk about their ex-girlfriends and did not want to hear anything about former relationship their wives with other men. The idea of ​​complete frankness, which is cultivated in many American families, is absolutely alien to Russians, writes Lynn Visson and is very surprised that infidelity is allowed for a man and is much more strictly condemned for a woman. Americans consider this attitude patriarchal, outdated, acceptable for cultures where women do not have equal rights with men.

And here again it’s time to remember how we contrast “feminism” with “femininity”. If you look at magazines and websites where they talk about or advertise marriages with foreign men, then without a doubt you can find lines that our women, unlike “Western feminists,” are family-oriented, like to take care of themselves and dress beautifully, cook and clean up, and in general the husband is respected and will not be offended. And at the level of the simple-minded American man in the street, a feminist is a lazy and ugly woman who does not take care of herself, to whom men do not pay attention, or a lesbian who hates men. As you can see, both ours and theirs almost have the same opinions. But in vain, since we completely forget that there was no socialist revolution in America, and no one presented women with economic rights equal to men, for example, equal wages for the same work. We have completely forgotten that we ourselves have been real feminists since the beginning of the 20th century, when American women did not even have the right to vote. We don’t even think that paid maternity leave for two months before giving birth, and the opportunity to sit with a child after childbirth, is an unheard-of luxury for working American women. And during a divorce, we are always sure that our child will remain with his mother, but what about taking this child away, despite your bitter tears, since your ex-husband best conditions educate him? Or will the male population decide what you do with your body, whether you can have an abortion or not?

The word “feminism” itself is defined by the American Dictionary as the belief in the economic, political and social equality of women and men. As you can see, feminism has nothing to do with the ability to dress beautifully. It’s one thing that feminists went further and turned their attention to everyday, family relationships. It was then that the men attacked them with particular zeal. But unequal relationships in the family lead to domestic violence, control, and emotional and psychological humiliation of women. After all, if a woman has to put up with her husband’s infidelity, drunkenness, unreasonable jealousy or lack of emotional support and spiritual warmth, not to mention insults, then this is psychological humiliation, which must be fought and explained to women that this should not be the case.
Feminists cast a ray of light on all the dark, secret corners of family life; they were the first to talk about the fact that sexual relations without a woman’s desire are not humane. Can you imagine how some men reacted when they heard that pornography is not a humane thing, and a woman is not a sexual object, and even let her dress as she thinks is comfortable and beautiful, and not in order to sexually arouse a lazy man with her provocatively - revealing clothing. At this point, the townsfolk completely hated them.

Of course, some supporters of women's rights in the heat of the struggle clearly went too far . We know very well that many great ideas can easily turn into their opposite. I completely agree with one Russian guy who wrote that it would be better if feminists were now engaged in the fight for increasing maternity leave, than for allowing women to serve in the Marine Corps, but on the other hand, if in this she sees the meaning of her life, in the Marine Corps, and she’s doing well there, then let her go, whatever.
Relations between men and women in America have shifted significantly in favor of women, not without the participation of feminists, which has given room for the development of all female personalities - from modest housewives to independent supporters of free sex. But ordinary American women work, manage the house, take care of their children and look after themselves, each to the best of their talent and capabilities, just like women all over the world. But there is no division of household responsibilities into male and female. “And this is because they force their men to work in the kitchen,” one of my Russian friends reacted to this. This is where we find the essence of the difference between “American feminism” and “Russian femininity”.
We know very well that most of our women cope well with the double burden of a full-time job and a full-time day of household duties, while maintaining the desire to dress beautifully and take care of their appearance. It is difficult and not easy, but despite women’s constant complaints about this, as Weston Rogers writes in his book “Love Letters...from Russia,” “if a Russian man wants to help his wife in the kitchen, he will most likely be kicked out.” And then there is a slightly different twist on this topic, unexpected for us, but immediately understandable to Americans: “Many Russian women prefer to constantly complain about the lack of help from their husbands, while continuing to stubbornly take on most of the household responsibilities.
Such traditional self-sacrifice is a kind of method of maintaining domestic power, a way of maintaining the status and image of a “real” woman. Russian women are proud that they can bear such a double burden, which gives them the opportunity to completely “rule” in the kitchen and in the house.” This is how the image of a “feminine” woman from our point of view may look in the eyes of Americans. And moreover, as Weston Rodgers writes (by the way, Igor Kon also wrote about this), in contrast to the generally accepted stereotype about the “strong Russian man,” some of them suffer from impotence as a result of the fact that the domineering wife completely controls everything in the house.
On the other hand, a domineering wife wants to see a stronger, caring and reliable partner in a man, and if he cannot effectively resist her domestic aggressiveness, then she will consider him weak, ceases to respect him and becomes disappointed in the man. Disappointment in Russian men, along with complaints about alcoholism, are often heard from the lips of our women who want to find a husband in the West.
When we contrast feminism with femininity, we forget that here we are already familiar with the difference in understanding exact value words in two cultures. For a Russian woman, when she emphasizes her femininity, contrasting herself with a Western feminist, attractiveness, the ability to take care of herself, dress well and tastefully, the desire to please men and gladly accept signs of attention and gifts from them, the ability to create comfort and a warm atmosphere in the house, appreciate a man’s love and know how to maintain his interest in her.

According to American concepts, a “feminine woman,” in contrast to a feminist, is primarily a woman who adheres to conservative family values, serves her husband and children, and does not pursue a career . Where does the ability to take care of oneself, dress beautifully, and not refuse gifts fit in? Probably the latter, since it involves large budget expenses that are not provided for a conservative family woman who, moreover, does not work. What do Americans really want to find in Russian wives that American women don’t have?
Let's see what not ours, but American marriage agencies, who certainly know what their clients need, write about this. “Russian women are distinguished by modesty, simple taste, they are not spoiled by consumerism. If a Russian wife goes to work, it is not at all to satisfy her ever-growing appetite for shopping, but to help her husband deal with financial difficulties. Russian wives are wonderful mothers and caring friends, your age (!?) is not important to them, since in Russian culture marriages with men much older than their wives are accepted and a Russian wife wants to see a reliable, financially secure person in a man.”
This is where the bait lies. Such crafty deception cannot be avoided, since grooms very often choose those who are 10-15 years younger, and they are unlikely to be able to find such a wife at home given their earnings and appearance. As for the intellectual wealth of the Russian wife, and what the Russian side especially emphasizes, this is the last thing that interests the Americans. After all, the intellectual level of the suitors is often not up to par, and communication at this low level with someone who cannot freely express their deep thoughts in a foreign language does not promise much intellectual brilliance.
When asked why he wanted to find a Russian wife, one of the agency’s clients replied: “American women are very materialistic and finding a good wife among American women is like trying to catch trout in a river infested with barracudas.” Once, an American newspaper conducted a survey among men who decided to go on a group trip at the invitation of one of the agencies to meet Russian women. They were all united by the strict conviction that American women were terrible materialists and poisoned by the ideas of feminism. They saw themselves as victims of this feminism. “Once upon a time,” explained one computer engineer, “I supported the idea of ​​​​equal opportunities for men and women, and I still hold such views. But since the mid-seventies, the women's movement made a sharp leap to the side, adopting the slogan “women of the whole world unite against the bourgeois-proletarian domination of men.” As a result, women began to view relationships between men as a struggle for power. Every American woman I've dated has turned our relationship into a power struggle. They think there’s no other way.” I leave the opportunity to analyze this quote, in the light of the personal problems of the groom himself, to the readers.
In fact, the opposition of femininity to feminism is, so to speak, the “ideological lining” of the decision to go “on a campaign for the Slavs,” and according to Lynn Visson, who carefully researched this topic and conducted many surveys, there is a more significant reason for this choice. Most men are fascinated by photographs of young attractive women from a marriage catalogue. “I want a stunning twenty-year-old beauty. In the USA my chances are zero, but in Russia they are close to one hundred percent,” says one of the agency’s clients. It is precisely these feelings that numerous catalogs and Internet pages with Russian brides are designed for. The dream that a young beauty will fall in love with an elderly and not very successful (by American standards) groom beckons in the same way as the dream of getting rich in one day or losing fifty kilograms in three weeks.
There are others, more modest, from small towns, where the choice of women is extremely limited or non-existent. Some describe themselves as too shy, unattractive to women, or accustomed to a bachelor lifestyle and having difficulty communicating with American women. Others want to find an “exotic wife” to discover a new world. Some know exactly what they want - a woman raised on conservative family values, religious and hardworking, hoping that such a woman is easier to find in Russia than in the United States. Youth, beauty, unpretentiousness in everyday life, simple taste and not being spoiled by expensive clothes and cars, love of housework and subordination to her husband, and most importantly, the undemandingness of a young beauty in terms of money - this is what reflects the dreams of Americans and makes them look for Russian wives. And having found it, after some time they note with great surprise that unpretentiousness in everyday life actually turns into an inability to save and contempt for the petty counting of money, beauty and youth go hand in hand with the expectation of shopping for fashionable and good quality, which means, dear, clothes, subordination to her husband suddenly turns into demandingness and rigidity, and intellectual wealth manifests itself as intellectual snobbery.
As one poor fellow wrote to his agency, which had arranged a bride for him: “Russian women are actually very stubborn, they want to do everything their own way, and their soft velvet hides their iron claws.” Yes, our dominant position in the kitchen has nothing to do with softness, pliability and reliability, or with a lack of desire to spend our hard-earned money on fashionable, beautiful clothes and personal care.
Those who managed to find happiness with a Russian wife always note the unusual persistence of Russian women, at the same time their politeness and good manners, as well as their quick adaptability to various life circumstances. In general, it’s not at all what attracted them.

It is clear that if there is no love in a marriage, which softens the rough edges, then the differences in cultures can become almost intolerable . And if the Russian bride was looking for, as the Americans say, a “marriage of convenience,” that is, a marriage of convenience, then when will she understand that her groom, who has a car for fifteen thousand dollars and a house for one hundred thousand, actually does not belong to the category of millionaires at all , but leads a very modest lifestyle, and may well show dissatisfaction if she wants to buy an extra jar of yogurt that is not on sale, then she will be bitterly disappointed.
The worst option is when the husband raises his hand against his wife or morally and emotionally humiliates her. Taking advantage of the fact that women, as a rule, come without a dollar to fully support a man, do not know the laws of the country and language, do not have friends or any support, such suitors gain complete control over her. Therefore, even before arriving, you need to find out the attitude of your future husband to how he is going to support you, if you cannot work, will he give you an “allowance”, that is, small money that you can spend at your discretion, how will he react? , if you want to work or study, will he teach you to drive a car, will he give you the opportunity to go to evening school to learn the language well. Always know your worth and immediately stop any attempts to treat you rudely.

Well, in conclusion a little interesting information about American weddings. Little do we know that a traditional American wedding is fully paid for by the bride's parents. It's traditional. Just recently, the former mayor of New York, Guliani, a very rich man, married his nurse, and the description of his wedding was accompanied by the explanation that the wedding was fully paid for by the groom. In ordinary cases, the groom's expenses for the wedding are limited to the purchase of a very expensive diamond engagement ring, or rather an engagement ring. According to the sly advice of the famous jewelry concern De Beers, it doesn’t hurt the groom to spend his two to three months’ salary, that is, several thousand dollars, on this ring. The ring is given as a pledge of the wedding when the groom proposes, and his love for her is “determined” by the size of the diamond. The bride proudly shows this ring to everyone, and her girlfriends immediately come running to look at it.
This often causes American men to reproach the commercialism of American women, but on the other hand, it’s the bride’s parents who have to fork out the money for the wedding, not him, so he shouldn’t be offended. If the wedding does not take place, then the ring is usually returned, and if some bride does not want to part with the spoils, the groom will sue the one who does not give up the ring. Such courts are no exception, and each state has its own approach to this - sometimes they consider whose fault is in breaking the engagement, but more often they give a clear answer: no wedding - no ring.
The wedding follows a clear ritual and includes “viewing gifts” (at least the next day) with an expression of admiration for everything donated, be it a simple photo frame or a set of towels. The bride's good manners are especially appreciated if she says which of her favorite photographs she will put in this frame, or what she is going to spend the money given in lieu of a gift on.
Modern enterprising brides have long been practicing the so-called “bridal register” - a list of stores with goods that they want to receive. In stores, you note on computers what you bought so that there is no repetition. Before the wedding, they hold a “shower” - the bride’s bachelorette party, which is basically a reception and discussion of gifts with dinner together (“shower” means “rain of gifts”), but for the groom, as usual, there is a “bachelor’s party”, where other brave grooms may even invite strippers.
According to American etiquette, for a gift received for a wedding or “shower”, or indeed for any other significant occasion, you must write a letter of gratitude. Accepting a gift without unwrapping it and expressing admiration is considered a very offensive act among Americans. In our culture, this is sometimes accepted and is due to the fact that the hosts show the guest that they were not waiting for a gift, but for him. This should always be taken into account by both us and them.

Do they shout “Bitterly!” at an American wedding? Imagine yes. Only instead of the screams themselves, they knock with forks or knives on glass glasses or dishes, and when using plastic utensils they will imitate ringing with the sounds “Ding-ding-ding!” Here the bride and groom, just like ours, will stand up and kiss. But where did the Russian hussar tradition of breaking glasses of champagne for the health of the bride come from at an American bachelor party - this still remains a mystery to me.

Additional photos

TATYANA ALGAIER
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DOES THEY SCREAM BITTER AT AN AMERICAN WEDDING? RUSSIAN WIVES FROM ABROAD

I constantly catch myself thinking that it is difficult to talk about the American school using the words we are familiar with. In the Russian language there are simply no terms to convey some categories, since we do not have these categories themselves. Above, I already gave an example of the criteria and indicators by which a teacher’s work is assessed - to our ears this is pure rubbish. On the other hand, Americans do not use many concepts that are familiar to us: it is possible that they seem absolutely meaningless to them.

For example, in the USA they do not say: “This student has deep knowledge of the subject, and that one has superficial knowledge,” since knowledge of the subject is not the main goal of learning. Instead of the concept of “knowledge”, they operate with the categories background (base), skills (skills), success (success), achievements (achievements) and others. Instead of the word “smart,” they use smart, which more closely means “smart.” In a discussion, Americans will rarely say, “You’re wrong.” The harshest wording would be, “I don’t agree with you.”

What can we say if the word “education” itself is absent from American pedagogy! Accordingly, there are no such concepts as “well-mannered” and “ill-mannered” children.

In general, without understanding the American mentality, it is impossible to understand the features of the US educational system.

I am gradually coming to the conclusion that it is the mentality of a nation that determines one form or another of educational institutions. Japan will never teach the same way as America, and vice versa. In the same way, the American multiracial society, built on Anglo-Saxon culture and Protestant values, is very different from Russian society.

Contrary to popular belief, I am convinced that what is common in traditional values and the behavior algorithms of Russians and Americans are significantly smaller than the differences. For example, when raising our children, we take the belt as a last resort, and Americans in a similar situation go to court.

Differences in the mentality of nations are very important factor, and it must be taken into account when reforming the domestic education system according to the Western model. The institution of education must be organically inherent in the nation, must correspond to its mentality and traditions. It is necessary to understand that some things Russian society will never accept and all attempts to instill them in Russia are doomed to failure.

In view of the importance of this moment, let’s talk about the most significant, in my opinion, differences in the mentality of Americans and Russians.

First, I will say a few words about what cannot but impress the United States. All Americans are very friendly, kind, emotional and spontaneous. Aggressiveness, envy, gloominess - such qualities are completely unusual for most of them. They love children very much and are friendly with them. If you go somewhere with a child, everyone will smile and note what a wonderful baby you have. In the hierarchy of their values, family and career.

The vast majority of Americans are sincere believers. In church their faces are illuminated; they do not hold back their tears and smiles, gratitude and hope. This is in sharp contrast to the angry or judgmental expressions that, unfortunately, can often be seen in Russian churches. However, is it only in churches?

In the States, police don’t look at you with an impudent smile and don’t act rudely. The service workers are friendly and helpful. Drivers on the roads are mutually polite and do not try to show who is the most “main” here. People don’t carry a stone in their bosom, they don’t shit where they themselves live and relax...

The advantages of the American way of life can be enumerated endlessly.

However, a person is designed in such a way that the good is not always noticeable, but the shortcomings simply hurt the eye. In Russia - Russian, and in America - American. Or rather, not shortcomings, but simply the absence of what I was used to. If the difference is something with a plus sign, you don’t notice it. If it has a minus sign, it is perceived as a disadvantage.

Smile, please

Business card Every citizen of the world's oldest democracy has an American smile. It carries neither the semantic nor the emotional burden of a Russian person. Our man smiles when he wants to. An American smiles when he is supposed to. Therefore, if an American smiles at you, this does not mean at all that he has kind, warm feelings towards you. It's just their way of doing things. Of course, Americans can smile sincerely. But I mean the standard American smile that they will give you when they meet.

This smile has certain standards. A smile with closed lips is an incorrect smile. You need to smile so that all thirty-two teeth are visible. A different anatomy of the mouth area is not a reason to smile incorrectly. It’s very funny to watch how the younger generation does this. Some people get this smile naturally, while others just don’t get it. If you look at their group photographs, you can clearly see the unnatural, forced nature of such a smile. By the age of sixteen, young Americans, and especially American women, have already fully mastered this simple art.

Sometimes you see an American woman coming towards you. From the expression on her face it is clear from afar that her soul is completely disgusting. But, approaching greeting distance, she will certainly stretch her mouth into a smile and say: Good morning! Moreover, the rest of the face may not change its gloomy expression. After saying the greeting, the lips immediately return to their original position, even before she has disappeared from your field of vision. All this happens completely automatically.

If the mood is normal, then Americans will smile at you as if this is the best moment of their lives. And to your standard question: How are you? They will answer as if they had just won a million. A person who has recently arrived in America may get the impression that everything is really fantastically wonderful here. By the way, such greetings actually improve your mood somewhat. You smile in the morning, exclaim how wonderful everything is with you, and begin to feel that your tone is already a little higher.

But you have to smile - these are the rules of decency. If you don’t smile when you meet someone or, God forbid, you just walk by, then you’re not a nice person. And this means that you are not your own and that there is something wrong with you. Apparently you are not successful. And this is very bad for a career.

Americans have the right only to positive emotions from their own and everyone’s success. If you don’t have your own success, then be kind enough to rejoice in someone else’s. Of course, you have the right to other emotions, but where no one can see you. In public, especially at work, you must be nice. Showing anger and irritability at work means ruining your career. If you find it difficult to restrain yourself, then consult a doctor and he will prescribe the right pills, but you have no right to negative emotions in a team. American medicine takes very seriously any manifestation of negative emotions, including prolonged periods of depression, as a sign of serious mental disorders. So they smile, trying to convince others of the opposite. And then suddenly, out of the blue, they take a gun and start shooting at everyone, leaving behind mountains of corpses, no longer able to restrain the suppressed negative emotions.

At one time, I did not immediately understand what distinguishes American society from Russian society. This is the visible absence of negativity in life. Americans do not publicly display negative emotions. They don’t swear, don’t make troubles, don’t complain about life and don’t complain about how bad everything is around them. On the contrary, everything in their life is wonderful. They do not concentrate on shortcomings, shortcomings, etc., focusing on the advantages. Therefore, teachers never criticize students in any form for their shortcomings, but only praise them for their successes. The most interesting thing is that this gives American students the feeling that they are actually succeeding in their studies. They are accustomed to hearing continuous words of praise and do not allow the thought that things could be different.

I once started reprimanding an entire class for getting bad grades. test work. The work was easy and did not require much mental effort. All that was required was to memorize certain things. When, checking the work, I discovered that they had not learned anything, I addressed them with a fiery speech. I said something like this: “You are wrong to think that in my class you can not teach and get good grades. You did not learn what I asked you, and therefore now you cannot understand the new material. If you continue in this direction, you will simply fail my course." This happened in good class, where students are extremely interested in getting a high grade. Sixteen-year-old students were sitting in front of me, and therefore I expected understanding. Imagine my surprise when I noticed that my words did not find any response in their young hearts. The students looked at me with blank eyes - they say, what is our teacher talking about? And then I realized that they had never heard anything like that from the teacher in their lives.

American pedagogy requires an exclusively positive impact on the student. It is no coincidence that the word “positive” is found in pedagogical literature even more often than the word success: positive environment, positive attitude, positive impact, etc.

Positive behavior is also required in relationships between adults. Telling a scoundrel that he is a scoundrel is unacceptable; this is a rule of bad manners. And what kind of scoundrel is he if he smiles so sweetly? But with you, since you make such statements, apparently something is really wrong. Therefore, without exception, everything in their lives is nice and everything in their lives is wonderful. It seems that problems simply do not exist. In fact, there are plenty of them, they are just driven into a corner by willpower or the right pills.

Lonely individualists

The only thing that worries them in this world is themselves with their experiences, their family and work. Everything that happens around them occupies them only to the extent that it can affect them personally. In principle, many Americans are interested big politics, both internal and external, and at the same time they are very far from the life of their narrower environment.

As is known, Russian funds mass media In addition to local political and economic news, in each issue or issue a large place is devoted to events that are, let’s say, socially and socially significant. About whether or not to install a twelve-meter primus stove on the Patriarch's Ponds. About what the monument to the defenders of Kazan should be like. That an architectural monument, a nineteenth-century building, is being used for other purposes. That in the N library, due to lack of funds, unique publications are stored in inappropriate conditions. About the fact that the park, a favorite vacation spot for city residents, is being polluted.

We are really interested in all this, and the most active among us are not averse to writing a letter to the relevant authorities or even holding a rally if such an opportunity arises. And not because we have nothing to do. It’s just that, unlike the Americans, we are much more active people in this regard. We really care appearance hometown, because we rightfully consider it ours. We were raised to be collectivists, taught that everything around us was people's. And if it’s people’s, it means it’s ours.

In the USA, as is known, there is no collective property. Every patch of land belongs to someone, and only the owner decides what to do with this land. Only tiny islands of parks are municipal property, which are simply teeming with people, like our venues for public events. There is no subject for discussion, and there are no discussions themselves. In this sense, Americans can be classified as individualists, in the most extreme form.

Another reason for their indifference to their surroundings is that America is a country of immigrants. Even if we do not talk about numerous immigrants, Native Americans themselves are immigrants. And not only because their ancestors moved here from Europe at one time. Many Americans constantly move around the country. This is their way of life. To a greater extent this concerns qualified specialists. It is customary for them to get a higher education in one state, then write a dissertation in another, undergo an internship in a third, work in a fourth, fifth, and finally, finally settle down before retirement in a sixth. Therefore, a significant part of Americans find it difficult to answer the question of where their home is. And only a few manage to live their entire lives where they were born and where their ancestors are buried. So it turns out that there is nothing close and dear for which the soul could ache. There is no land that we are used to calling home.

Nothing lasts forever in the USA. In Russia, as in most other countries, every more or less historical city has preserved buildings built in the last century, or even two, three or even seven centuries ago. This is an asset that we value. You feel a kind of thrill when you come into contact with history. Historical monuments are the pride and symbol of a city or even an entire region...

In all of America there are hardly a few hundred buildings that have survived from the last century. And not because there never were any. There were, but they did not consider it necessary to preserve them. Why? This is impractical, since old buildings do not fulfill their functional purpose well. It is much better to demolish everything and build something new in this place. This is the value system.

In Russia, even today, any peasant, when building a personal house, does everything so that both children and grandchildren can live in this house after him. And the house is standing. And children live with grandchildren. For them, this house is the most sacred thing on earth, the most important part of their family life and history.

In America there is a completely different way of thinking. Everything here is determined by expediency. Why build to last? The certified service life of most individual houses does not exceed fifty years. The period of residence of one family in a particular house, as a rule, is no more than ten years. After this, the house is sold and a new one is bought, either due to a change of job or for financial reasons. Americans do not attach the same meaning to the word “home” as we do. In their understanding, a house is simply a place to live, as well as an object for games in the real estate market. Today it can be bought, and tomorrow it can be sold and another one can be bought if this promises financial gain.

Very often in the USA I have a feeling of the unreality of everything that happens around me. In less than a year, an entire residential complex has been built at fantastic speed. Where yesterday there was a vacant lot, today there are houses or shopping centers.

Building here is cheap and easy, as all the buildings are essentially plywood with a wooden slatted frame. We must pay tribute: the inside of the house is very comfortable to live in. Last generation houses and looks quite decent. But for some reason these nice-looking houses remind me of decorations made of cardboard and papier-mâché. It seems that the performance will end and the scenery will be changed. And along with them, the actors will be replaced. Nothing lasts forever. Everything around was created for reasons of momentary expediency. Sometimes it seems to me that the country itself may disappear, as imperceptibly and quickly as a building that has lost its purpose...

Let me make one more comparison with Russia. Just imagine what our lives would turn into if we were taken away from the ability to communicate! Imagine a granny sitting in her apartment all day and not coming out to chat at the entrance... Teenagers who meet only at school or in the gym... A woman who does not want to attract male attention... Can you imagine? This is the life of Americans. Zealous Defense private property and all kinds of individual rights has led to the fact that generations of people have grown up who simply do not know how to communicate and do not feel any particular need for it. My home is my fortress. Everything else doesn't concern me.

Houston, America's fourth largest city, does not have a single pedestrian street. There is no place where you can walk, sit, drink coffee, smoke a cigarette, sprinkle seeds for pigeons and just enjoy the life around you. In a huge city, no one walks on foot. There is no public transport, which inevitably brings people closer together. Life is arranged in such a way that people simply cannot physically meet. True, there are numerous bars and nightclubs where dating probably takes place. Neighbors, as a rule, are only vaguely familiar with each other, and sometimes they don’t even know what their names are.

Your compliment to a woman is fraught with consequences. At best, they simply won’t understand you. At worst, you will be sued for sexual harassment. American women don't need compliments. As, however, they don’t really need courtship, flowers, or a candlelit evening. The best gift is a certificate of financial well-being. Recently, American sociologists found that the majority of potential brides and grooms are not only favorable to arranged marriages, but also directly indicate the size of the fortune for which they would give their hand. The heart has nothing to do with it anymore.

Friendship boils down to periodic meetings at various parties, where people eat a lot, smile sweetly, have meaningless, empty conversations and disperse after a couple of hours. At the same time, many people think that they had a good time. For two years I had the opportunity to attend many such events personally and hear reviews from my friends about such parties. I don't want to go there next time. Our Russian relations, even just friendly ones, are in many ways warmer and more humane than what Americans call friendship.

The system itself forces Russians to be friends. We need to be friends to survive. And in order to live well, as one of my friends noted, you need to be able to be good friends.

It's not like that in America. To survive, you only need to have a well-paid job. Too many Americans don’t socialize with anyone at all except their work colleagues and acquaintances at church on Sundays.

As for friendship from childhood, that period when children are naturally drawn to each other, these childhood relationships are intentionally or unintentionally blocked.

The system of social life is structured so that children simply cannot communicate with each other in an informal setting. First of all, they are not left unattended in yards or on the streets. At school they simply do not have the same class, nor do they have classmates. Every year, every day, in every lesson, they see absolutely different faces. Can they have any kind of close relationship, similar to friendship, with such communication? Will they miss each other and get together after graduation?

Let's take it school timetable. Lessons are 90 minutes long without a break. The break between lessons is seven minutes! Can you imagine this? This time is only enough to move from one class to another. They don’t even have time to go to the toilet during recess. Do you think American teachers don’t understand that children need rest? What is it that eleven or fifteen year olds simply can’t do to sit in a classroom for 90 minutes without a break? They understand, but that’s exactly how the lesson schedule is set. For what? So that children are alone with each other as little as possible without the supervision of a teacher. Quickly drive them into the classroom, and there, teacher, do whatever you want with them. This is partly due to the fact that the school is responsible for the students while they are at school. The administration strives to avoid possible incidents in the form of fights and drug use. As a result, the American school deliberately cultivates individualists, just as in its time the Soviet school deliberately cultivated collectivists.

See point two

Speaking about the American mentality, I cannot help but dwell once again on their commitment to literally following instructions, or, more precisely, diligence. As I said earlier, the existing system of values ​​elevates diligence to the rank of a virtue, while independence and independence look almost like vices.

This is most clearly manifested in such a characteristic area as safety technology. This is not surprising in a country of lawyers and barristers, where for any damage to health caused at work you can sue the employer for crazy amounts of money. Therefore, the employer tries to protect himself one hundred percent. This attitude contrasts very strongly with the devil-may-care approach to safety in Russia.

In the USA it is the other extreme. Here, for example, it is impossible to meet a single construction or technical worker working without a safety helmet. What the employee is currently doing is not of great importance. One day I called a telephone technician to my home. Wearing a protective helmet, he stood on the threshold of my house, and he did all his work in it. What in a client’s house could fall on the telephone operator’s head? When did he, poor thing, put on this helmet: when getting out of the car or is he in it all the time? What are company management afraid of when they force their employees to wear a helmet all day in forty-degree heat?

However, it's not just the employer. Thus, Americans are required to wear safety helmets during family bike rides, although no one forces them to do so. What can threaten your head when riding a bike slowly? Is it like falling off a bike to hurt your head? Americans don't ask these questions. The instructions for the bike recommend wearing a helmet, so they do.

Chemistry teachers regularly encounter safety issues at school. By order of our district leadership, students are required to wear safety glasses at all times while in the chemistry laboratory. Moreover, it does not matter what exactly they are doing there. No one is interested in the level of danger of the experiment. At the very beginning of my work, I did not know this requirement and at my own discretion determined the need for such precautions. On one of these days, the head of the department, seeing my students without glasses, reported me to the head teacher, and he called me to the carpet. I tried to argue reasonably that there is no danger in our classes, and students are uncomfortable wearing glasses. But the head teacher politely and firmly informed me of the existing order.

The funny thing is that real, not imaginary, dangers were very close. So, on a shelf in the laboratory I found a heavy jar of potassium cyanide, accessible to anyone. And students in laboratory classes used methyl alcohol as a common solvent year after year. When I saw this, my hair stood on end. Chemists will understand my feelings. I even tried to use this fact as an argument - they say that you are doing nonsense here, but do not see the real danger. My words did not make any visible impression on the head teacher. And this is understandable - about potassium cyanide and methyl alcohol, nothing is written in the order, which means they won’t be asked for it. But it’s written in black and white about glasses...

A few more words about the severity of the instructions. Remember how in American films When detaining criminals, do the police quickly pronounce the phrase that, by law, detainees can remain silent? It turns out that this applies not only to arrests and interrogations, but also to procedures that are not so dramatic. For example, before any qualifying exams, test takers are read about their rights and responsibilities. Teachers do the same thing in schools during state and other tests. At the beginning of my work, I did not know how strict this was. And during one of these exams, the head teacher came into my class and asked if I had read the instructions. I answer, no, I simply explained them in my own words. You should have seen this lady's face. She first blushed, then turned blue and with the words “You should have read this word for word,” she ran out of the classroom in a panic, apparently to report to the director about the emergency that had happened. Nothing terrible happened that time, but the case is very indicative.

Instructions for using the products can be read like jokes - all of them, without exception, are worthy of the repertoire of Mikhail Zadornov. Here, for example, is the end of the instructions for baking a pie from a semi-finished product: "... Remove the finished pie from the oven. Do not touch it with your bare hand - this can cause a burn. To cool the pie to a warm state, wait 20 minutes, to room temperature - 50."

Sometimes it seems that, having been taught to follow instructions, most Americans are simply no longer capable of making decisions for themselves. I will describe one case that amazed me.

September 2005. Texas is awaiting the impact of another hurricane named Rita, which is moving from the Gulf of Mexico directly towards Houston. A month earlier, in Louisiana, neighboring Texas, Hurricane Katrina literally destroyed the city of New Orleans. Then the authorities showed their complete helplessness in the face of the elements. The hurricane caused severe social upheaval and enormous public outcry throughout the country. Taught by bitter experience, this time the authorities met the new elements fully armed.

A general evacuation has been announced from the suspected impact sites. The coastal resort town of Galveston, located forty miles from Houston, has been completely evacuated. Evacuation of Houston itself is not mandatory, but recommended. All institutions are closed two days before the expected arrival of the hurricane, so that people can leave ahead of time. If not half, then a third of the population of Houston decided to evacuate. Some people are going to visit relatives and friends who don’t have any and have simply booked hotel rooms. The direction of movement for everyone is the same - to the north, where Highway 1-45 leads...

Dear Reader, can you imagine evacuating half of a city of three million? This whole mass of people rushes north along one single highway. In fact, the entire highway and the approaches adjacent to it turn into a continuous traffic jam. Interestingly, two lanes of oncoming traffic are completely empty (no one goes to Houston), but the authorities do not open them to traffic from Houston. Obedient Americans do not make any attempts to enter these lanes, nor do they create two additional lanes on the side of the road. They just obediently stand on the road one after another. After some time, it turns out that gas stations along the highway have run out of gas. Drivers do not turn off their engines, since the latter powers the air conditioning.

The heat outside is 35 degrees, the sun is 50 degrees. Gradually, gasoline in cars runs out, there is no longer any escape from the scorching sun, and no one can go anywhere, even if the road ahead suddenly opens.

As a result, this entire mass of people and cars remains on the highway under the scorching tropical sun throughout the day. People begin to relieve their natural needs right in the middle of the clean steppe in full view of each other, which is very inconvenient for Americans accustomed to comfort. After some time, a bus with nursing home residents catches fire right on the highway, and they burn alive in the fire...

It all ends with people not getting anywhere, but encountering a hurricane right on the highway. On the second day, the authorities deliver gasoline, everyone turns around and goes back to Houston.

Why did this become possible? Why didn’t people do anything to save themselves and their children? Why did they stand stupidly in this traffic jam with their engines running, watching the fuel indicator needle inexorably move towards zero? After all, they saw that the plug did not dissolve. We listened to the radio and understood that the entire route all the way to Dallas was at a standstill and nothing would change in the next few hours. Why didn’t anyone pull onto some secondary road and try to get at least somewhere: to a gas station, a store, a hotel far from the highway, or just to a tree providing shade?

Such decisions simply could not occur to most Americans. They were waiting for government officials to come and help. Non-trivial thinking is not inherent in them. Since they have booked a hotel in the city of N., that is where they will go, without turning anywhere. After all, no one told them that they needed to turn aside... Therefore, they will stand in traffic and wait until new instructions arrive...

Country of consumption

Speaking about the American mentality, one cannot fail to mention that the United States is a country of consumption. This is clearly visible already at school. Students come to class not to work, but to consume. When working, you need to give your labor; when consuming, you need to use someone else’s. I already noted above that the work is not “Fan”, and therefore is contraindicated for American students. They don't have to bother copying problems from the board or textbook; teachers bring everything to them on a silver platter. Everything has already been prepared for them. You don’t even have to bring pens and pencils to school, not to mention textbooks and notebooks. Just come - the teacher will give you everything you need. Most tasks are designed in such a way that you only need to check the appropriate boxes or fill in individual words in the blanks. The material resources spent in the learning process are amazing. American students are so used to this that they take everything for granted.

3a at the school threshold this effect is expressed even more clearly. The huge amount of money in the hands of the population and relatively low prices create Americans' addiction to consumption, the scale of which is shocking. For example, in a store they never buy one item of clothing at a time. If you went to the store, you bought at least five to ten. Such trips to the store are a frequent event. When you ask students about their hobbies, most, without hesitation, say: shopping. And indeed, this is part of the way of life, an element of culture.

I won’t say anything at all about the amount of food I buy. Eating food, especially in public, is also an element of culture. Sometimes the only purpose of an event is to eat food. Event names like Pizza Party or Cheese and Wine Party speak for themselves. Perhaps someone will say that we in Russia also love to eat. That's right, but for us food is not an end in itself. We gather to socialize and have fun, and from the heart. Americans gather to eat...

The volume of garbage produced by one American family exceeds the volume of garbage thrown out in Russia by residents of an entire building. You don’t need to cook anything - lunch, dinner and even breakfast in a restaurant. Dirty linen is simply handed over to the laundress, from where it is returned clean and ironed. They’ll even mow your lawn in front of your house, just pay the money.

The level of security and well-being determines the level of consumption. Often on weekends, Americans go somewhere to the suburbs just to spend two days in a hotel. The main goal is to change the usual home environment to something new, and of course, use the services of the staff. All these services are undoubtedly convenient and pleasant. In general, life in America is very comfortable in terms of everyday life, which still cannot be said about Russia.

It’s no secret that many of our people somehow become embittered with age, become irritable and intolerant: everyone has their own story about how steel was hardened. Having become a little stronger, they themselves begin to “temper” others. Americans don't have this. And they are carefree, leisurely and friendly. So don’t believe then that being determines consciousness...

Chapter 15. Someone else's pocket

It is common knowledge that America is the richest country, and American incomes are correspondingly the highest in the world. But how rich are they? In this chapter I will try to satisfy the interest of readers and try to assess the well-being of ordinary Americans. Americans themselves really don’t like questions about their income. If you ask them about this, they will be very offended and will not answer. But we will do this without their permission.

So let's begin. The world's best goods are flocking to America. The natural resources of other countries work for America. The scientific and technical elite of the whole world dreams of selling themselves to America.

Smart guys have built such a global economic system that the rest of the world sleeps and sees how to push their goods onto the US market. As a result of all this, we have facts that are very strange from a logical point of view. For example, gasoline in America costs exactly the same as in oil-producing Russia. And if you take into account the quality of gasoline, it turns out that it is also cheaper than in Russia. Any high-quality branded product can be bought in American stores one and a half to two times cheaper than in Russia. Even food is cheaper here than in Moscow. Interestingly, this applies not only to Russia. Products made in China and Latin America can be purchased in American stores at the same price as in the country of origin. And all this despite the fact that the level of wages in the States is ten or twenty times higher than in Russia or China. Americans ride like cheese in butter, you say. In terms of the level of material consumption, they really have no equal.

There is a lot of money in the country. But it does not at all follow from this that Americans feel rich... They are wealthy, but by no means rich. While they are working, they have everything they need for life: a house, a car, clothes, food, and with a relatively high salary, a cruise to anywhere in the world once a year. And no more. What else is needed? - a Russian reader who is not spoiled by life will ask me. Indeed, for many Russians who are barely making ends meet, such a life may seem fantastic. But America is a civilized country, so let's compare it with the civilized world, and not with today's Russia.

How much do those who moved there earn in the States? Russian citizens? Typically, in response to this question, figures from three to eight thousand dollars per month are given. This is really not uncommon. But these are the best examples. Meanwhile, there are also immigrants who eke out a semi-beggarly existence. We must not forget that the majority of Russians who moved to America are highly qualified specialists with academic degrees. Therefore, after a few years of staying in the country (and some immediately) they get a relatively well-paid job. At the same time, there are a lot of people in America who did not leave under a contract, but, for example, as a refugee due to Jewish immigration. Such people, once in the States, without qualifications, do not gain much fat. N personally knows many of our former fellow citizens who for many years have been forced to literally wipe the asses of patients in a nursing home for crumbs. It is clear that representatives of this category will never report their “successes” in the United States to their homeland.

Indeed, at the beginning of your life here you get the feeling that you are getting fabulous money for nothing. For example, simple teachers receive more than $2,000 a month. Not bad, right? Our teacher should have such a salary! But the euphoria passes when you begin to understand that all this money is spent on a life that is far from luxurious. I'm not even talking about accumulating something. However, a teacher's salary is by no means an indicator. So let's first look at how much Americans earn.

So, we reached into someone else's pocket.

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