It is very difficult to ignore people who upset you or greatly upset you. This can be even more difficult if you regularly see or interact with them at school, work, or with your family. Learn to distance yourself from such negative people and replace them with positive individuals who will contribute to your happiness and well-being.

Steps

Part 1

Learn to keep your distance

Avoid going to places where you might meet such people. The simplest way ignore a person - avoid meeting him. To reduce the likelihood of a meeting, it is enough to avoid places where you often spent time together or where this person often goes.

• Visit new restaurants, bars and cafes. Choose places that are located in other parts of the city, away from the person’s usual place of residence.
• Go to stores that are away from the person's home (if you know where they live).
• If you are invited by a mutual friend, then ask if the person you are trying to avoid will be at the meeting. After that, make a decision.

1. Limit interactions. Limiting contact is a great way to ignore someone without necessarily cutting them out of your life. It is very difficult to break all ties, especially if you are somehow connected or work together. If you stop seeing a person regularly, you will immediately feel better.

   • Reduce conversations and interactions, as well as the frequency of your meetings, as much as possible, always answering briefly and unemotionally. For example, it might look like this: “I'm fine. It’s time for me to work.”
   • Resist the urge to say something mean or hurtful so as not to escalate the situation.
   • By limiting contact and avoiding unnecessary interactions with undesirable person, you can effectively cut ties with him without closing the door to polite social interaction in the future.

2. Stop such a person from trying to start a conversation. If you work together, have mutual friends, or just occasionally cross paths, then you need to be able to resist attempts to drag you into conversation. Ignore the person who tries to talk to you.

   • Try to ignore what is said to you and resist the urge to respond.
   • When you are in a situation where you absolutely have to say something, you can express your own thoughts/feelings on a topic that is completely unrelated to what this person said.
   • By outright ignoring what was said or speaking about your own interests as if you did not hear the person, you are communicating that you are not interested in the conversation at all.

3. Take a mediator with you if a conversation cannot be avoided. Knowing that there is no way you can hide from such a person at work or a social event, take a trusted friend with you. He will act as a buffer between you and the unwanted person while remaining polite. He will also be able to direct the conversation in a neutral direction if an unpleasant person tries to offend you in some way.

   • Explain to your friend what you expect from him. Make sure he is comfortable with the role so that he doesn't end up being offended or feeling used.
   • Come up with a non-verbal signal where the two of you can apologize and let everyone know that you need to leave immediately.

4. Be polite to people with whom you cannot avoid contact. If you cannot avoid meeting certain people, you can always behave with them as politely as possible. Sometimes good attitude can overcome negative behavior in those people you are trying to avoid.

   • Resist the urge to be rude to people you don't like.
   • Be strong and confident. Think about your positive qualities and remember that you are worthy person who deserves happiness.
   • Don't let negative people spoil your mood with their negativity. Rise above this by not taking part in such games.
   • If you want to be rude, say something polite, then apologize and leave. For example, you could say, "You did a great job with your presentation. If you'll excuse me, I'll go get myself some coffee."

5. Stay strong and calm. If the company of a certain person is unpleasant to you, then with a high degree of probability this is not good man. These people are usually trying (consciously or unconsciously) to annoy you. They may call you stupid for trying something or belittle your hopes and dreams. When deciding to avoid such a person, you must remain strong and not allow yourself to be influenced.

   • Even if you don’t feel like a strong and protected person, it is important to maintain faith in your strength. This way you can create a buffer zone between yourself and negative people.
   • Don't let other people's negative words or actions affect how you view yourself or your life. Using positive statements and internal dialogue, you will be able to overcome negative thoughts provoked by another person.
   • Remember that you are a good person and you are dear to your loved ones. This means that you have positive qualities, which a negative person simply does not want to see.

   Part 2

   Stop electronic communications

   1. Block the unwanted person's phone number. If you want to stop communicating with an unpleasant person, you can block his contact so that he cannot call you or write messages. This is not necessary unless such a person is bothering you on the phone, but it certainly won’t hurt.

      Stop communicating with social networks. Even when you successfully avoid communicating with a person in person, he may contact you through social networks. If you are on your friends list or follow a person on social networks, then he will always be aware of your activities or location, and can also send you threatening or offensive messages.

      • If you are on your friends list or follow each other on social networks, you can unfriend or unfollow. You can also block a person to prevent them from seeing your posts and contacting you.
      • If you are not on the friends list and do not follow each other on social networks, or have already been removed from friends, then change your privacy settings so that only friends can see your posts.

   2. Filtering emails. If such a person has your address email, then you may be wary of aggressive or unpleasant letters from him. To prevent this, you can block emails from this person or set a filter on all messages from him (depending on the mail server you use).

   Part 3

   Keep yourself cheerful

   1. Learn to identify the details that upset you. Sometimes there is no way to avoid the company of negative people. These could be your colleagues, relatives or neighbors whom you periodically have to see or even communicate with. In such cases, it is important to understand what details upset you in order to avoid such irritants.

      • Make a list of people, places, and things that might upset, anger, or irritate you.
      • Understand why these people, places or things provoke a negative reaction.
      • Consider how these stimuli might manifest themselves in everyday life, and then create a plan to prevent or minimize such situations.

   2. Learn not to complain about people you don't like. Even if you think it will save you from feeling hopeless, such actions can lead to you withdrawing from other people altogether. These may turn out to be friends of people you dislike, or people will simply get tired of you constantly speaking badly about others. If you constantly complain about a person, the friends and colleagues you spend time with may want to distance themselves from you.

      • Instead of complaining about a person you dislike, agree not to discuss him in your conversations with other people.
      • Talk about things that make you happy. Otherwise, the person you don't like will eat up too much of your time and energy.

   3. Take responsibility for your words and actions. By blaming others for your own negative words and actions, you give them power over you and even lose self-control. No matter how much the other person upsets you, you are the one who makes the decision to get angry and lose your temper, or to simply let it go. Your words and actions, even those caused by the attitude of another person, are yours own choice and responsibility.

      • Your words and actions do not exist in a vacuum. You can't blame others for what you said or did, even if you were upset by someone you don't want to associate with.
      • Try to change your thoughts about this person. Your thoughts determine your words and actions, so identifying and containing negative thoughts will help you stop making them so important.
      • Once you have learned to ignore the person who upsets you, stop thinking about him. Stop wasting your time and energy thinking about the person you don't like.

   Part 4

   Fill your life with positive people

   1. Identify and express your best qualities. Positive people usually attract each other. If you want to fill your life with positive people, then it is important to show them that you are also a positive person. You can deal with this subtly when you learn to control and express your best qualities.

      • Think about what makes you a positive person? Are you nice to people or show kindness in other ways?
      • Make a conscious effort to express yourself more often. good qualities. Not just to get noticed, but to form your own positive image life.
      • When it comes to your character and lifestyle, your actions should speak for you.

   2. Learn to find positive people among your friends. Surely you are already familiar with very strong and positive personalities. When moving away from people you don't like, it's important to replace them with people you enjoy communicating with. Remain a positive person, always take care of your loved ones, as they become good friends and encourage you to improve yourself.

      • Think about friends, family and co-workers who have a positive attitude in any situation. Also, remember the people who show you the most kindness, consideration, and compassion.
      • Reach out to such people. Try to spend more time with them and invite them to everything social events to see each other as often as possible.

   3. Meet and spend time with new positive people. In addition to existing friends, you can actively look for new acquaintances. By finding new positive and compassionate people, you will cement your social circle even more firmly, filling it good friends. This way you yourself can become a good and desirable friend to others.

      • You can meet new people in gym, churches, sports club(like a travel club) and other places visited by positive individuals.
      • Become a volunteer. If you do good to others for free, you will feel great and will be able to meet people who are focused on a good cause (they are always friendly and compassionate).
      • Even a short conversation over a cup of coffee or breakfast will improve your mood.
      • Take the initiative. If the people you enjoy spending time with are often busy, then stay in touch with them and schedule time so that the meeting is convenient for both of you.
   • If you meet someone you don't like in a store, you can pretend that you didn't notice him. Slow down, stop, or turn to the side. If someone turns to you, you can say that you are in a hurry. If the above options don't work, then just stay calm.
   • Having social relationships does not mean you have to accept negative behavior. If you feel uncomfortable or uncomfortable in a person's company, then you have every right politely and respectfully end communication.
   • Don't act rude or ignorant. This will not correct the past in any way, but you yourself may well turn into a bad person.

Not all people we meet in life evoke our sympathy. Perhaps each of us has encountered an annoying and boring interlocutor.

How to ignore a person, delicately letting him know that you are not interested in him?

Proper upbringing does not allow us to be rude even towards an unsympathetic person, so we have to look for other ways to get rid of him.

What to do

Ignoring is one of the most effective methods eliminating unwanted interlocutors and admirers. This tactic largely helps to avoid conflicts with rude and arrogant people. However, not everyone is able to correctly ignore a person and achieve the necessary results in this way. More often than not, we do not hold back and still enter into a debate with our opponent, wasting our energy and time on a completely uninteresting person. In ancient times, this method was used in relation to the dregs of society: thereby showing disdain for them and the desire to isolate themselves from communication. IN modern families the ignoring method is more often used as a tool for resolving conflicts. How to ignore someone you don't like?

Set the distance

In most cases, this comes down to establishing a distance (social, psychological or emotional) with an unwanted interlocutor. First, try to distance yourself from the person emotionally. Calmly accept his attacks, as if observing the situation from the outside. This method is especially effective if you are forced to frequently communicate with an unpleasant person. IN once again, when the interlocutor tries to provoke you and piss you off, look at the situation through the eyes of a director who is thinking about what angle is best to shoot this scene from.

Other options for ignoring a person are changing your social circle. Simply stop maintaining a relationship with an unwanted person, doing it gradually. By changing your social circle, you can quickly get rid of a person without offending him. More radical measures are geographic distance, that is, a change of place of residence. In some cases, it is she who helps get rid of the annoying admirer.

Be natural

If a person is unpleasant to you and you have no desire to continue further communication with him, do not hide your feelings. Of course, insults and attacks in this case are unnecessary, but it will not be possible to sit on two chairs, maintaining friendship and remaining calm in society with him. Talk to your interlocutor honestly, putting forward logical arguments instead of emotions.

Sometimes there are situations when all other tried and tested ways of influencing a man come to an end and it’s time to be ignored. So, what is IGNOR or ignoring? If we consider it within the framework of a relationship, then this is a MANIPULATIVE technique aimed at forcing the other side to bend and make concessions. To put it even more simply, it is intimidation, the threat of breaking a relationship, pressure on feelings of guilt, fear of uselessness, fear of being alone, etc., in order to force a person to do what the manipulator needs.

At the same time, it is important to understand that IGNOR is not only about leaving or intimidation by leaving. This also includes techniques when a person does not pick up/hangs up the phone, does not answer SMS, does not talk to you.

For manipulation to work, to BEND a person, force him to give up his position, make concessions, he needs to react to the manipulation, he needs to be pulled for something. That is, either he must have an attachment to you and a fear of losing the relationship, or an inferiority complex and a feeling of guilt, or a fear of being left alone, not finding anyone better, etc.

There are different types of ignorers. For example - ignore punitive. It is tougher and has its own conditions.

Condition 1

For ignore to work, there must always be a thread or threads that need to be pulled.

Simply put, if you have been married for many years and your wife somehow doesn’t care about you, and she is also financially independent, then she will not care about your ignorance. And if she also has a lover, then she will only be happy. There's simply nothing to scare her. She is not afraid of losing you, you are not valuable to her. Ignoring will only work if you represent some kind of value, if losing you is worse than giving up some of your goodies.

It is also complete stupidity to ignore at the beginning of a relationship, when there is not yet sufficient interest. When the threads that can be pulled have not yet formed. It's like trying to pull a fish when it hasn't taken the bait yet, pulling too early. First, some emotions, some plans about you, some connections must be formed. Then ignoring will work for you. Otherwise, you simply disappear, the person understands that the game is on or he is perplexed and breaks off the beginnings of a relationship that has begun to develop.

Well, it’s obvious that if the threads are weak, then you need to pull them carefully.

Condition No. 2

In order for a person to bend, the thread you are going to pull must be stronger than the principles on which you are going to bend the person.

That is, if you put a person before the choice “me or the cat,” you need to be sure that he will choose you, that your value is higher.

A mistake is made when they try to pull weak threads and blackmail (and if you call a spade a spade, then this is psychological blackmail) a partner by leaving. And suddenly it turns out that it is easier for a person to break up than to make concessions. Then suddenly the one who just wanted to leave begins to frantically return back. And now he has to bend over backwards and ask for forgiveness for his failed blackmail, which only makes the situation worse.

In general, there is a good technique that seducers often use. In order to persuade a person to do something serious, you need to start with the little things, with those things that are easier for him to part with for the sake of a relationship. By giving up their positions little by little, the partner invests more and more each time, and accordingly, the thread that can be pulled becomes stronger, because the value of the relationship grows in proportion to the amount of investment.

Condition No. 3

If you decide to play this game, be prepared to really go all the way. This means that it is advisable to play it from a strong position, when your partner needs the relationship more than you. Because if you need them more, then you will not only get a bummer, but also be punished for your attempt. As a result, you will fall even lower than where you were before. Because IGNOR can be perceived very differently depending on when and how it is carried out. If you left, showed off and came back, then this makes you a little offended, crap-up child. If you left on principle and stand by your position, then this will be perceived differently (if, of course, your demands are adequate), even if the relationship falls apart.

Condition No. 4

IGNOR must be presented correctly. Depending on the situation, on the context in which you conduct it, a person perceives it as punishment, your rightness and your wrongness, or as a tantrum/hysteria of an offended jealous boy/girl.

That is, if you start leaving, or rather imitating leaving, every time you are offended, then this is exactly the second thing. The partner will get used to this and will perceive it as childish insults.

If you ignore/leave a person after a serious problem, once and harshly, then this will be a strong lesson and will strengthen your dominant position. That is, it would be good to use this technique precisely as a punishment and so that the person understands why.

My personal opinion is that such a harsh technique should generally be used occasionally, when the problem is really serious. And use it to the fullest so that you never want it again in the future.

Ignore playful (flirtany)

They can often use ignore in games closer and further. This is a slightly separate topic. This is a game of uncertainty, not blackmail. This is a different kind of mechanism. That is, the same mechanism works here as in sales, when a person has already been given something to hold/try, and when he is in the mood and wants to buy, they begin to stall for time and increase the price. In this case, due to the fact that a person is ignored after he has received the first portion of attention and interest has appeared, he begins to think, cheat, INVEST psychologically. When people draw to themselves magic pictures, they thus engage in self-hypnosis, creating for themselves perfect image partner, invest a certain energy in him. And its value is growing. That's how it appears strong desire receive it, LOVE appears.

But in this case, there are also conditions for the correct execution of playful ignoring:

1. It should be carried out when a person is hooked. For example, after a good time together.
2. You need to be able to show up on time so that interest does not disappear. That is, you need to maintain interest, feed his hope. The titmouse is almost in the hands, but last moment will fly away.
3. Better when official reason It is not you who are being ignored, but some circumstances. Like “I was busy, had an urgent business trip.”

So, if you still decide to do IGNORE, before doing so you should run yourself through the above conditions and check whether the circumstances correspond to these conditions and what you generally want to get from these actions. If some conditions do not match, then most likely it will only get worse after being ignored. It’s good to be able to look at this ignore through the eyes of another person and imagine his reaction.

Alternatively, you might want to ask yourself the following questions:

• Am I valuable enough for a person, will he run to return me and ask for forgiveness?
• Am I ready to go all the way? If he doesn't run, am I ready to end the relationship?
• Will this be a punishment for a serious puncture or just me being offended for no reason because I don’t have enough attention?
• What result do I want? Where should you stop? What should my partner do to make me stop punishing him?

The latter, by the way, is very important point. There are cases where it is enough just for the partner to apologize and say “I understand the lesson.” After that, I personally say “we’ve passed” and immediately forget. And there are cases where a person must work out his forgiveness quite seriously, invest, ask for it back with tears and show how important this relationship is to him/her. Because if you forgive and return immediately, the result will be zero. Lesson not learned.

You fell in love. But the guy who carried you in his arms just recently stopped sending tender messages every five minutes, calling in the middle of the day to find out how you were doing, and yesterday he was completely late for a date. Your friends convince you that ignoring - best way tie the person you like to you.

Before you decide to take such steps, think about what result you want. Do you want attention and “Shakespearean” passions? Or do you need reliable person, on whom you can rely? Perhaps right now you are eager to prove to everyone that you can rock guys no worse than Irochka, whose fans no one can even count?

Passions “burn out” quickly, often leaving painful traces in the soul, and many fans do not give a feeling of happiness and love. And a person who is confident in his and your feelings will not communicate serious intentions five times a day. He understands that you can talk in the evening, in a calm atmosphere, and in the event of force majeure, you will turn to him, and if you don’t call in tears, then everything is fine. Mutual confidence is an element of a mature relationship.

Dasha drew attention to her new colleague at a seminar organized by the company for employees in one of the Turkish hotels. Having decided to outshine everyone with a beautiful, even tan at the evening banquet, she carefully smeared herself with cream and headed to the beach. When she returned to her room, she discovered that she was covered in spots like a cheetah - the tube turned out to be self-tanner. There was no talk of going to the event.

The next day, a handsome colleague approached her himself and asked why she was not there. He was pretty tired during the evening from the flirting attempts of the entire female part of the team, and singled out Dasha from the crowd only because she didn’t try to attract his attention.

Ignoring a man is necessary when he is too accustomed to female attention. Dasha did not plan this option in advance; in this case, the situation developed naturally and naturally, which only enhanced the effect.

Ignoring will be effective if your man is a hunter by nature.

He will put all his strength into achieving the goal, winning, winning. Then interest fades away, he cares little about the result. This feature can be quickly identified: he spends days and nights at work launching a project, but a week after success he has already started something new. Or, as a child, I devoted a lot of energy and time to training in clogs, but after winning a city competition, I abruptly quit. As soon as such a man realizes that he has conquered you, his feelings will be replaced by indifference. In this case, you need to strictly follow the chosen tactics, be sure to take pauses. Light flirting with men is quite acceptable - competition is a very powerful incentive for such a person. The main thing is to stay within the bounds of decency - he will not forgive an offended sense of property.

The basic principle of ignore

You already understand that before you use ignore, you need to arouse the man’s interest. Look how children do it - they are born psychologists. A little girl came to the playground where other children were playing. They don’t pay attention to her, then, seeing a big beetle, she says loudly: “I’m afraid!” And that's it, it's done! Half of the boys immediately run to scare her with bugs, the other half protects her. Then she turns around and goes to the swing, the boys throw bugs and start arguing about who will swing her.

Give a man the opportunity to be strong, smart and courageous: ask a colleague to explain a diagram to you, ask for advice on car maintenance, ask to accompany you from a party because it’s late. Ask for help on small things several times, thank them, and be sure to tell them how you liked the result. And then abruptly and without comment, stop these requests, greet politely when you meet, but do not engage in conversation, sweetly apologizing, and agree on a lot of things to do. But keep him confident in your sympathies, smile and look into his eyes. You will see that he himself will begin to look for a reason to attract your attention. Ignore is best used after successful flirting, perhaps even at the beginning of a romantic relationship.

If you hurry, you can scare off a man with your indifference.

The Phantom Menace

Ignoring tactics can bring great results, but they must be used very carefully. You must understand that this is a type of manipulation. A man will be interested in you, but this does not mean that sympathy and love will automatically appear. Their place can be taken by painful attachment, turning into dependence. A man artificially deprived of freedom of choice can become obsessive, suspicious and even aggressive. In such a situation, both of you will suffer, and there will be no happy ending; the result of the relationship will not bring happiness. Be careful if you are trying to improve an existing relationship by ignoring them. Indifference does not intrigue close people, but hurts them.

You have already figured out in what cases it is worth using such a technique as ignoring a man, you have studied the “pitfalls” and are ready to act.
Be gentle, sweet and polite if you refuse to meet him. Be sure to express your sincere regret that the circumstances have turned out this way.

You can’t refuse constantly - the man will decide that you are not interested in him. It’s better to refuse the meeting several times, and reschedule a couple of times to a time convenient for you. You can agree to a date, but call at the last moment and apologize, citing a change in plans.

It is important that the initiator of the date you agree to is a man. But give it some time special attention details. If you are going for a country walk, take food with you: bake pies or simply cut sandwiches. For a walk around the city, make an approximate route and find out a couple of things interesting facts about streets, houses, monuments, or make up your own funny story“from life” that will enliven the conversation. You should not go to the theater or cinema on your first dates - there will be no opportunity to communicate there. An exception may be the option of visiting a cafe or restaurant during the evening. Then you will have one more convenient topic for communication and exchange of impressions. The date you give a man using the ignore tactics should be very bright, memorable and unusual.

On dates during this period, you should not be sarcastic or capricious. A man should see everything positive traits the character that he has been striving for so long.

Using the ignore strategy correctly, you can get ideal relationship. Remember that this is a delicate and complex process that will require iron willpower from you. And if you want to attract the attention of a handsome, but timid and shy guy, it’s better to choose a different path.

Finally - an unusual technique

Let's do a thought experiment.

Imagine that you have the superpower to “read” men. Like Sherlock Holmes: you look at a man - and you immediately know everything about him and understand what’s on his mind. You could get any man and have an ideal relationship, and you would hardly be reading this article now in search of a solution to your problem.

And who said that this is impossible? Of course, you can’t read other people’s thoughts, but otherwise there is no magic here - only psychology.

We advise you to pay attention to the master class from Nadezhda Mayer. She is a candidate psychological sciences, and her technique has helped many girls find ideal relationships and feel loved.

If interested, you can sign up for a free webinar. We asked Nadezhda to reserve 100 seats specifically for visitors to our site.

Ignoring a person – emotional abuse and more

July 2, 2016 - 4 comments

In psychology, there is a phenomenon that we call “ignoring a person.” How can psychological neglect manifest itself in communication between people? Can completely ignoring a person be called emotional abuse?

Ignoring is a multifaceted phenomenon. Therefore, the answers to these questions will be ambiguous.

Reasons for ignoring a person

Let's consider the reasons for ignoring a person from the point of view of system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan. Groups of innate desires and mental properties are called vectors, there are eight of them in total. Each vector gives its owner the ability to perform certain types of activities, his own type of thinking and value system.

Such a psychological technique as ignoring a person is used differently by people with different vectors. Ignoring may have various reasons and motivation. Sometimes it's resentment or just disinterest. They can also ignore a person in order to teach them a lesson, to mock them, or simply to torture them. Let's consider each case.

It is necessary to clarify that ignoring can also be a lack of interest in people in principle. This happens to the owner of the sound vector, because subconsciously he feels “above everyone else.” In addition, the sound artist is so immersed in himself that he simply does not see those around him. He is busy thinking about the meaning of life. Such a person is considered arrogant and strange in the team. But in this case, complete ignoring of a person by the sound engineer is not psychological technique, but a feature of worldview.

Ignoring a person: benefit - benefit

Some will ignore a person who they simply will never need again for anything. He is used material, and one can walk past him as if he were empty space. Such people are found among owners of the skin vector. For them, the main thing is “benefit-benefit” - therefore there is no need to waste emotions, even in the form of a simple “hello”.

A skin person, as Yuri Burlan’s system-vector psychology shows, can economize on feelings. He may ignore requests from his family for emotional intimacy and warmth in the relationship. The child, in his opinion, should not be pampered, and his wife should already know that he loves her. At the same time, he receives pleasure from the very fact of limitation and refusal. “No” and “impossible” are the keywords of the skinner.

The skinner can also punish by ignoring someone for what he believes has been an offense committed. After all, it is necessary to somehow comply with the law in a single unit of society: a family or a work team. Ignoring a person, in this case, is one of the ways of forcing obedience.

Psychological neglect - I want to hurt

Some people with the anal vector are capable of completely ignoring a person. Those with the anal vector are naturally gifted with phenomenal memory. According to the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan, they are focused on information about the past in order to fully transfer to subsequent generations the experience and knowledge accumulated by humanity.

But when a person begins to live in the past, he slows down the present. And in the past - grievances and insults. And he will remember them for a long time. The reasons are different - the slippers were in the wrong place, lunch was not prepared on time, did not receive enough attention. He will find a million reasons to be offended.

Unfortunately, in order to ignore a person, some of these people become silent, thus demonstrating their resentment. Although the offender is in fact not an offender at all, because he did not want to offend. Such stories most often occur in families between husband and wife or parents and children.

It is important with what intention a person with an anal vector decided to ignore another person. If he wants to hurt, cause suffering, then this can be called emotional abuse or a type of sadism. In this way he seeks to take revenge on his offender, to punish him. Most often, he punishes close people in this way.