Conflict situations are an inevitable component of our lives.

It happens that our interests differ from the interests of other people, and this is normal. Conflicts can happen at work and at home, with loved ones and strangers. Getting out of a conflict situation with dignity and diplomatically resolving the conflict with minimal losses is a skill that can be developed.

How to get out of a conflict situation?
1. Determine the subject of the conflict.
It is very important that the parties to the conflict understand what is at stake. The subject of the conflict is something that is of interest to all its participants.

For example, you want to go on vacation to your dacha, but your wife prefers a vacation in Sochi. That is, we are talking about a specific direction of a joint vacation. If you deviate from the subject, the conflict will grow and affect other aspects of life: there will be a dispute about respect and trust in the family, the remembering and listing of all previous sins will begin, the turn will come to discuss each other’s relatives, etc. and so on. - this is how a big scandal is born from a small disagreement, which can be avoided by focusing on a specific topic.

2. Don't get personal.

Yes, in a state of anger it may seem that you are surrounded by stupid, short-sighted people, but these are not the thoughts that will help you resolve the conflict. You shouldn’t stoop to comments like “all women are fools” or “you’re as good as a milk goat.” Do not insult human dignity, if you do not want to make an enemy in the person of a loved one, refrain from comments about age, gender, race, physical build. Focus on the subject of the conflict.

3. Do not get involved in the conflict with your whole being.

If in a conflict situation your hands shake, you start shouting and lose control of yourself - you are less likely to resolve the situation with maximum benefit, without crossing other people's boundaries. Pay attention to the state of your body and mind. In the end, this is just one of many life situations; you should not waste your health and nerves fighting with those with whom dialogue is possible.

4. Find the most acceptable way to resolve the conflict.

Psychologists identify five ways to get out of conflict, and depending on the situation, you can use the most appropriate one:

- Rivalry.
One of the most common methods is when each opponent defends his point of view. This method is appropriate if the life and health of other people depends on your decision. For example, if a wife decides to go on vacation to a place where it is currently unsafe, it makes sense to insist on another option. Or if the position of the company and many people depends on your responsible decision in business.

- Device.

One of the participants fully accepts the terms of the other. This method has two sides: the first is wisdom, when harmony and calm are more important than victory in a small conflict. For example, you don't like the idea of ​​buying a golden tea set for 12 people, but your elderly mother has dreamed of one all her life. Buying this set will bring her much more happiness than it will inconvenience you, so in this case it may be easier to give in.

The downside of this method is that it undermines your will. Accommodation becomes a habit, and over the years it becomes increasingly difficult for you to express your own opinions. If in a relationship with someone you constantly have to adapt to their wishes in order to avoid a scandal, most likely this relationship is toxic for you.

- Compromise.

This method is reminiscent of the buying process at an oriental bazaar: at first they tell you an inflated amount, but you negotiate until the price suits both you and the seller. Compromise is considered a reliable way to resolve a conflict, but it should be borne in mind that with rare exceptions, neither party will receive complete satisfaction. Good, strong relationships cannot be built on constant compromise.

- Care.

Unauthorized withdrawal from the conflict, without attempts to resolve it. This method is suitable in small and insignificant situations, especially with strangers. You should not get involved in a conflict with an ill-mannered person who is just looking for someone to quarrel with.

This is one of the worst ways to solve important strategic issues. If you regularly practice avoiding conflict with your other half, this will inevitably lead to the accumulation of discontent. It is also worth paying attention to the quality of your relationship if your loved one chooses to avoid conflict as the only way to solve the problem.

- Cooperation.

One of the best ways to resolve conflict. An option in which the interests of all parties will be taken into account. It will take time and creativity, but with due diligence, there will be a solution that suits everyone. You just need to rise above the conflict and look at the situation from the outside.

5. Draw conclusions.

It happens that people experience frequent conflicts on the same topic. A conflict situation brings many benefits: it helps to get to know another person better, identify painful topics, and build personal boundaries. Not all things in a relationship can or should be tolerated, and conflict situations will help reveal important topics.

Observe the situation, draw conclusions from conflicts, and they will stop repeating.

I wish you peace

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Conflicts are a part of our lives; unfortunately, we cannot escape them. But there are psychological methods on how to get out of a conflict situation correctly and without any losses, and even how to turn it to your advantage or gain great and valuable experience from it. The science of psychology is quite young, but has already made great strides forward in the study of human temperament and character. And many psychologists have developed some universal tips on how to behave during conflict. Anyone who has such knowledge has an advantage, but he also has a great responsibility.

Psychologists have found that during a quarrel, 90% of people consider their point of view on a conflict issue to be exclusively correct and categorically refuse to make any concessions. Whatever the reason for the conflict that arises, it ends either in your defeat or in a damaged relationship with a person who was very close 5 minutes ago. In such situations, it is recommended to make concessions and give your opponent a chance to win the dispute. Do not engage in open conflict or meaningless debate, even if your interlocutor is trying to provoke you. Use the tactics of the sages, with which you can emerge victorious from any dispute - admit that your interlocutor is right. This technique will confuse any opponent, cool his ardor and direct his thoughts in a different direction. If the interlocutor continues to behave aggressively towards you, in this case the best way out is to simply walk away from the argument, and in the most literal sense. This technique will give the interlocutor the opportunity to analyze his behavior.

Very often, during quarrels, people do not control themselves and utter words that would never be uttered in a normal conversation. Such emotional statements can forever break the relationship between two close people: husband and wife, parents and children, friends or relatives. Therefore, it is very important to prevent quarrels, but if this does happen, then try to avoid conflict situations and uncontrollable emotions and statements addressed to the second participant in the quarrel.

In any relationship there comes a certain point at which one of the parties wants to change something in the relationship. At the same time, people feel dissatisfied, begin to emotionally distance themselves from each other, microcracks appear in relationships, which, if behaved incorrectly, can destroy even the most seemingly strong relationships. During periods of heightened passions, one can often hear mutual reproaches and accusations, and such a conversation will sound in a raised voice. This is already the extreme stage of the conflict. When dissatisfaction and dissatisfaction with the situation are first kept silent, accumulated, and then find a way out in the form of an explosion. With this development of the situation, it should be remembered that shouting and reproaches will not help solve the problem, but, on the contrary, will aggravate the current difficult situation, because a person responds to any manifestation of aggression with the same aggression.

Criticism and accusations are also not the best option to fix relationships. Even the most loyal criticism, expressed in the heat of an argument, will always infringe on the dignity of the person being criticized and is perceived as an attack on his personality or territory. In this way, the subconscious mechanism will trigger the ancient archetypal instinct of primitive man, who is forced to defend himself from a hostile world by any means. As psychologists explain, criticism will sooner add wood to a flaring fire than extinguish it, since the “boomerang” principle inevitably works: in response to criticism, criticism or accusations of even greater emotional intensity will follow. Therefore, in all conflict situations, it is better to adhere to the recommendations of psychologists: start with praise and recognition of the merits of your opponent, and try to express the criticism itself very loyally, so that it does not sound like a reproach.
You should never resort to threats or blackmail. Such expressions will create a feeling of subordination in the interlocutor, which will exclude all possibilities of resolving the issue peacefully.

Whatever the situation, try to remember that it is human nature to make mistakes and sometimes act irrationally. Keeping this rule in mind, even in the most difficult, from a psychological point of view, situation, when your interlocutor has poor control of his emotions, makes incorrect remarks about you, openly expresses his dissatisfaction, be open and sincere, behave opposite to the behavior of your interlocutor. It has been scientifically proven that it is possible to avoid a quarrel and peacefully resolve the situation only if one of the conflicting parties is flexible.
If maintaining your existing relationship is more important to you than being right, be a wise person: be the first to admit that you are wrong, even if you were not the culprit of the conflict. This psychological technique allows you to calm raging passions and in most cases leads to an admission of being wrong in response.
If you managed to extinguish the conflict in time and improve relationships, try never to raise this conflict situation in the future, so as not to bring back unpleasant memories.

And these psychological techniques will not mean that you have to sacrifice your opinion. After the conflict has been extinguished, you can try to convince your interlocutor of your point of view. At the same time, try to present your opinion in such a way that your opponent perceives it as his own, but not brought to its logical conclusion. Try to present your opinion in a calm tone and in a friendly manner. And this is not considered hypocrisy - this approach means that you are a wiser person who cares about both the result of the dispute itself and maintaining friendly relations with your interlocutor. False pride in such situations is a false adviser.

TaroTaro wishes you success and prosperity.

The rapid pace of our lives and the general nervousness associated with it contribute to the fact that the most harmless conflict situation is inflated to enormous proportions. Sometimes it feels like we are surrounded by people who deliberately cause irritation. Conflict situations can arise anywhere: in transport, in the family, in a store, at work. And there can be many reasons for this: dissatisfaction with something, bad mood, criticism of you, and so on. If you do nothing to get out of a conflict situation, this can lead to a nervous breakdown. What to do in this case? Let's try to figure it out.

Emotions are under control.

To avoid conflict situations, it is not at all necessary to avoid meeting people, and this is unlikely to happen. Attempts at self-hypnosis that none of this bothers you also only drive emotions inside, threatening serious illness. Also, don’t blame others for your troubles. The most effective way to get out of conflicts without losses is the ability to tell people about what you are dissatisfied with, but not lose your temper. This is quite difficult if you are depressed about something, or are extremely irritated, or feel like you are to blame. First of all, you need to evaluate your feelings that have prevailed over you. Difficult, but possible. It is very important to prevent situations where they get completely out of control and to overcome them as soon as they arise. Otherwise, it will not be possible to get out of the conflict without losses.

How to get out of a conflict situation.

1.Give your opponent the opportunity and time to “let off steam.” While he is in an aggressive state, when irritation is boiling inside him, and he is overwhelmed with negative emotions, it is difficult to conduct a constructive dialogue. It is impossible to come to a common denominator. Your task is to help him quickly relieve internal tension. When your opponent is in such a borderline state, in order to get out of the conflict, first you should remember that you must remain calm, at least outwardly, act confidently, but here it is important not to “go too far” so that your confidence does not look like arrogance. There is a good way that psychologists advise - to imagine that you are in some kind of spherical shell through which the negative emotions of your interlocutor do not penetrate. If you have a developed imagination, then this will definitely work. In addition to the auto-training method, it is important to try not to accumulate a state of resentment, otherwise nothing will work out. Tune in to your opponent’s wavelength, try to look at the situation through his eyes, this will make it easier for you to understand what exactly “undermined” him. To get out of a conflict, carefully observe your interlocutor, take note of his facial expressions, facial expressions, gestures, try it on yourself and imagine what you would do in a similar situation.
2. Let your opponent speak. When he expresses everything that has boiled over, the aggressive charge will fade away and it will be easier to come to an agreement. Naturally, in order to get out of a conflict situation, you must listen to the person carefully, and not just pretend to listen.
3. The element of surprise is an effective remedy against aggression. A person who is in a state of irritation as a result of a conflict with you expects you to respond in the same spirit, that is, start shouting, get annoyed, or, conversely, get scared and admit that you are wrong. Surprise him by behaving differently than he would like. Try to return to your opponent his own offensive statement, but giving it a polite form, without losing your composure. Sometimes this helps to get out of the conflict immediately, since your interlocutor will feel that you are interested in him, and you will find out what made him so angry. There are other methods of unexpected reaction to aggression: 1) You can ask for advice from someone who craves conflict; 2) change the topic to something that is not related to the conflict, but is interesting to him; 3) remind you of pleasant moments in your common past; 4) give a disarming compliment, such as “when you are angry, you are so beautiful”; 5) show sympathy in connection with a conflict situation. This will help your opponent switch from negative emotions to positive ones.
4. Try to convey to your opponent your impression of his words, about the state in which you are because of them. This must be done directly and sincerely, but do not comment on his personality, but talk only about your feelings. If you give a specific example, it looks something like this: instead of “You are an ill-mannered person,” say “I am very unpleasant to hear this from you.” Or instead of “You’re lying to me” - “I’m offended when they deceive me.”
5. Allow your opponent to maintain his dignity. In a conflict situation, you cannot give free rein to your emotions and respond aggressively to counter aggression. If you also start getting personal, your interlocutor will never forgive you for this, even if the conflict is settled and he gives in to you. On the contrary, try to convey to him that you treat him with respect, that his opinion is important to you. But you can directly express your attitude towards his actions and in particular the one that created the conflict situation. For example, you could say, “You promised several times but didn't deliver,” instead of calling him a non-committal person.
6.Only arguments and facts, no emotional digressions. Both people caught in a conflict situation must justify their point of view. Tell your opponent right away that you will only take into account facts and evidence. Block any manifestation of emotions with the question: “Are these your guesses or facts?”
7. Try to stay in a position “on equal terms”. Most often, in conflicts, people behave in two ways: they shout back or remain silent, fearing the anger of their opponent. Both schemes are ineffective. It would be more correct to act confidently and calmly; this will help both opponents stay within the bounds of decency and avoid aggression.
8. Don’t be shy to ask for forgiveness if you know you’re wrong. You must be able to admit your mistake in time and offer your opponent solutions to get out of the conflict situation. Firstly, such a step is always disarming, and secondly, it earns the respect of the enemy. Only accomplished, self-confident people can apologize and admit wrongs.
9.A kind joke will also help to get out of the conflict and extinguish an attack of aggression. Just don’t confuse good humor and irony.
10. Try to find common ground with your opponent, emphasize your closeness. And that you would like to get out of a conflict situation.
11.Ask your opponent to tell you how he sees the end result and what prevents its achievement, that is, the problem. A problem is a task that needs to be solved, and relationships are the conditions in which it has to be solved. If you have a negative attitude towards a person, this can discourage any desire to do something. To get out of a conflict situation, you need to define the problem together and focus on solving it.
12. Try to explain to your opponent your point of view on the conflict and how you see a way out of it. Just don’t look for the guilty and “chew” the situation, just look for a way out. There can be many exit solutions and you have to choose the best one. But this option should suit both conflicting parties. There should be no losers or winners here. If you can’t come to a common opinion, you can rely on an objective measure (laws, regulations, instructions, etc.).
13. Mirror his claims, even if everything is clear to you, clarify “Did I understand you correctly”, “Let me repeat what you said to make sure that I understood you correctly”, etc. This is a very useful practice for getting out of conflict situation, it helps to avoid misunderstandings and shows that you are an attentive interlocutor, which reduces the opponent’s aggression.
14. Don’t try to prove anything to anyone. In conflict situations, this is a useless exercise. Emotions completely block the mind. And if a person has lost the ability to think at the moment, then your evidence will not convince him.
15. Be the first to shut up. This helps a lot if you, against your will, have already been drawn into a conflict. There is no need to angrily demand that your opponent shut up; it’s better to force yourself to shut up. Your silence will serve as a way out of a conflict situation. After all, at least two people are involved in a quarrel, and if one is silent, then there is no quarrel. Silence is different from silence. It may contain a challenge or mockery, then it will be for the enemy like a red rag for a bull. You should remain silent as if you do not notice the aggressiveness of your interlocutor and do not see the conflict situation.
16.Don't slam the door. By calmly leaving the room, you can end the conflict. But if you throw hurtful words at your opponent and slam the door before leaving, this can give rise to destructive force. Up to tragic situations.
17. Continue the conversation after your opponent has lost his temper. He may take your silence or departure as capitulation, however, you should not dissuade him. We need to pause until his ardor cools down. But by refusing to prolong a conflict situation, you should not offend or offend your interlocutor with your behavior. After all, the one who can nip a quarrel in the bud looks much more profitable, and not the one who leaves behind the last aggressive attack.
18.And the last rule. No matter how the conflict situation ends, whether contradictions remain or not, try to preserve your relationship. If you succeed, and your opponent has not lost his dignity through your fault, then in the future all this will be resolved, and the relationship will become good again.

You don't have to look far for examples. Violence in resolving conflicts leads to fights, and at the level of large social groups – to wars and armed conflicts. The principle “The strong is always right” in a civilized version is transformed into the rule “The boss is always right.”

The only advantage of using force is the ability to quickly end the conflict. However, strategically such a solution is always ineffective. Violence, as we know, begets violence. That is, the suppressed side will be, to put it mildly, dissatisfied with this solution to the conflict. This leads to hidden resistance, and sometimes to open rebellion, which again requires violence to suppress. Essentially, this means that the winner constantly requires resources (military, material, intellectual) to maintain his victory.

Disconnection

In this case, the conflict is resolved by stopping interaction, breaking off relations between the parties. An example would be a divorce between spouses or the end of a quarrel between passengers on a bus after one of them gets off at the stop.

On the one hand, the separation of the conflicting parties completely resolves the conflict. On the other hand, it leads to a post-conflict situation, which can be very painful for one or both parties. And finally, this method of resolving a conflict cannot always be applied. Even divorced spouses do not always have the opportunity to separate; they are often connected by the presence of children. Competitors cannot leave the market. As a result of a break in contacts, the common cause collapses.

Reconciliation

As a rule, reconciliation is achieved through negotiations between the parties. Those in conflict come either to a compromise that takes into account some of the interests of both parties, or to agreement with the demands of one of the parties, or they invent a solution that completely suits all participants in the conflict.

In practice, those in conflict first of all enter into negotiations. And only after failure do they resolve the matter with violence or separate. Negotiations are the most constructive form of ending a conflict: they are resorted to even after a military confrontation.

Ending a conflict with the help of a third party

All these methods depend on what position the third participant will occupy. He can act as an impartial mediator or as a force supporting one of the parties.

Violence and social pressure. Violence involving a third party can be exerted by the weaker side over the stronger one. From here, for example, came the practice of turning to a gangster or mafia “roof” for help.

Court. Judicial resolution of a conflict is based not on the parties’ subjective perceptions of their rightness, but on the system of law and public power. However, judicial resolution of conflicts has its advantages and disadvantages. On the one hand, the court is an important achievement of civilization. On the other hand, no code of laws can take into account all the possible nuances of human relations - it is forced to adjust them to a certain standard. Secondly, there are loopholes in the legislation that allow you to turn the situation in your favor. Finally, the fairness of a judicial decision depends not only on the application of the law, but also on the ability of the judiciary to deeply understand the essence of the case.

Arbitration. The role of a third party is entrusted to a person (or group of persons), whose decision both parties undertake to obey. The main thing is that the conflicting parties are voluntarily ready to submit to the arbitration decision.

Winning and Losing in Conflict

Participants in a conflict usually view its conclusion as successful or unsuccessful depending on whether their goals are achieved or not. In this case, the impression arises that if one side won, then the other necessarily lost. Actually this is not true. That is, the “win-lose” situation, of course, exists, but in addition to it there are two more.

Losing is losing.“Let me die, but he will die too” - such an attitude is far from uncommon. It happens that one of the opponents, realizing the impossibility of achieving his goals, does everything to “drown” his opponent too.”

Win - win. The parties offer each other cooperation in resolving the conflict. The area of ​​disagreement is perceived not as a battlefield, but as a working platform for finding the optimal solution.