As I wrote earlier, quarrels in the family are normal; for a person in his holistic form, this is a completely natural phenomenon. However, each person perceives conflicts in his life in his own way, according to his internal idea of ​​them, which may be too biased towards them. You cannot react painfully to conflicts with people, this is too much moral cost, even when we are talking about scandals in the family, it is still worth being simpler. This simplicity should lie in the conclusions you need to draw after the scandal, when your head has cooled down and become cold, and you are able to reason rationally. All that needs to be done is to find the place where two EGOs collide, or three or more, depending on the scale of the scandal. It is this collision of unconsciously raging egoism that leads to thunder and lightning, just as the collision of clouds leads to the same, literally.

But all this needs to be understood and worked on in order to prevent a similar scenario in the future. You don’t want to constantly quarrel and swear, only because of dissatisfaction with your ideas about how another person should act, provided that you act as you want? I hope you are not supporters of tyranny in the family, because for a family in its normal sense, this is completely unacceptable, although people live like this, this life is far from happy. But in this article I am not going to focus my attention on the procedure for resolving family quarrels, but as the title suggests, we will talk about the spread of family quarrels to the outside world. I highly do not recommend doing this, knowing full well that many, especially women, do just that. Of course, you can discuss your family problems with some people who can help in resolving them, these are mainly psychologists, and these should be professional psychologists who are not interested in the conflict between the two parties.

In fact, no problems should be shared at all unless your goal is to mislead someone. But if you do it sincerely, telling everything about yourself, then you point out to other people your weaknesses. And they can take advantage of this. Of course, not all people will use this to harm you in some way. Let's say that the same psychologists will not use your problems and weaknesses against you. But many can do it. People, you know, are such creatures that it is not always possible to rely on them, even if they are your best friends. Any quarrel can reveal everything that is hidden in the depths of a person; the more emotional it is, the more sincere the person is in his explanations. Everything that he would not say in his right mind, he says emotionally, that is, unconsciously, and thereby points to everything that sits in him. Of course, sometimes you need to let off steam, because undigested food in the form of mental discomfort just begs to be released, but what is the price of such behavior? If you cry into your friend's vest, talking about your family problems, it is not a fact that she is using it for her own selfish, or rather selfish, purposes. After all, what is dangerous about a friend is that he knows a lot about you, you trust him and you have some stereotypes regarding friendship. But an outsider, there is an outsider, I call such, first of all, those people who are not ready to bear responsibility for you.

If a member of your family, no matter who he is for you, husband or wife, parent or child, bears at least some responsibility for you, he is worth a thousand irresponsible friends and girlfriends. But when you complain to them, when you tell them about the negative behavior of a member of your family, you belittle their importance to their level, to the level of a stranger; moreover, you belittle yourself. Think about the meaning of any of your complaints, whether of a family nature or of any other nature, what you thereby show to other people. If, say, you work at a job that is terrible, you hate it, your boss is a brute and treats you accordingly, then why don’t you quit, why do you allow this to happen to you, why do you torture yourself? So, you yourself are no better? You would do the same to others if you had power over them. Think about this motive, and not about the fear of being left without work and, as a result, without a means of subsistence. After all, this is precisely how most people justify their passivity in such situations. It is easier for people to discuss their problems rather than solve them; it is easier for them to justify their passivity by shifting responsibility for their bad life onto others than to simply change it. The same can be said about that member of your family who displeases you. Who do you discuss, judge, and complain about to people who only pretend to care about you? This is your husband, wife, child or parents, how can you discuss them with other people, how can you allow people who are more concerned with their own good than yours to touch your personal life? If this is not a specialist, then you can be sure that no one will understand your problems; rather, they will be used against you, or at worst, they will demonstratively sympathize with you, nothing more.

How can you do this? I will answer you how, only unconsciously. That's how you can do it, only without realizing that everything you identify with is part of your own nature. As I understand it, many of my readers don’t need to say again that the world inside each of us actually projects the world around us, because every second person will tell me that they know this and understand it. I won’t argue about the first one, you really can know that, but about understanding... Here you should think better, dear friends, maybe you’re just thinking in such a way that you understand something that you’ve heard somewhere before or have you read about this? How can a mother, say, who scolds her child in public, understand this and not understand that his behavior is the result of her upbringing, her attitude towards him, and essentially herself. And a husband or wife who scolds his other half and considers him or her a real piece of trash, do these people, who with their personal qualities have attracted the people corresponding to them, understand that they themselves are no better?

No, they don’t understand this, and therefore shift responsibility onto those who supposedly treat them incorrectly, but people treat you the way you allow them to do so, and if there is a person in your family who is negative for you, you became the reason his appearance. Of course, it’s difficult to accept this, I understand this perfectly well, I took it here and put everything on you, on those who read this article, and maybe it’s not very pleasant for you to read, but there is so much that allows you to understand about yourself, doesn’t it ? The issue of taking quarrels out of the public eye can be approached from different angles; the possibilities of human prudence are quite wide, you can always identify many aspects, from which you can then draw conclusions and develop a final concept in this regard. But no matter how you approach it, it will still turn out that you don’t need it, it’s not beneficial to you. Right or wrong, that’s not what we’re talking about, I’m not your priest, and I’m not going to tell you how to live. But I think each of you wants to live more efficiently, more colorfully and interestingly, and therefore you should know about those things that are worth observing for the sake of such a life.

You cannot show weakness, you cannot expose your wounds and show them to strangers, even your best friends, especially your best friends, who thereby actually hold you at gunpoint. If there is a problem in your family, if you have a scandal, you should solve it, not someone else. Why do you need consolation, why do you need this flattery, for which there is nothing behind it, why do you need other people to accept your weakness, do you really want to be weak, do you need pity and, like, understanding? Why do you need this infection, it will not allow you to keep the situation under your own control, it will not allow you to make decisions independent of anyone, you are actually destroying your freedom by taking the quarrel out in public. Why are you doing this, what do you ultimately want, think about it carefully before you give a pre-prepared banal answer to this question, because the deeper you delve into this, the faster you will come to the understanding, guided by which I am telling you now I'm telling you this. Isn’t it easier to think about any problem, especially a family one, from the point of view of your participation in it?

Like the fire triangle, any event in your life cannot happen without your participation, as well as a situation that leads to something. You may not be able to control other people, influence them properly, force them to do your will and behave in the way you want, but you can completely control the situation and yourself. I understand that the desire to change other people, to bring them into line with your ideas about the world around you, so that they ideally fit into your paradigm, is quite strong. You, of course, are a correct person, this is actually so, I say this without any sarcasm, because you must correspond to yourself and your interests. But other people don’t care about you, it’s not that they don’t want to be good for you, for example, in a family this desire can be quite sincere, they just cannot be ideal models for your understanding. And what do you expect from those to whom you dump your family problems, so that they help you correct your life, so that they undermine your husband, your wife, your children or your parents, what should they do?

In people's heads there may be a picture so unique in its form that the likelihood that it will ever be reflected in the external world is zero. The inadequacy of this picture, in principle, in itself is already a problem for a person, since, firstly, it makes his life, as it seems to him, inferior, and secondly, it deprives him of the opportunity to adequately respond to the conditions of the outside world. The only thing missing is to show others what your problems are, how inadequate and helpless you are, and this can be done by talking about the problems in your personal life. If a person tells me about problems in his family, intensely concentrating my attention on the sources of these problems that are not related to him. That is, on other people, circumstances and God knows what else, even on the mistakes of nature, I understandably look, first of all, at the shortcomings of this particular person. I'm not saying that everyone understands it the way I understand it, well, people feel your weakness, feel your vulnerability, feel your blood, you can put it that way when you tell them about your problems.

And if a person is smart, if he understands what I’m telling you here, then no matter who he is for you, the temptation to take advantage of the situation in his favor is too great for him. You see how many aspects can be identified in the information that is not for prying eyes and ears. In the Danish kingdom, everything is in full swing, this is the life position you should adhere to, this is a recommendation, not an instruction, if you don’t want to show your weakness and stupidity, stick to it. If you don’t care about this, you can talk to the whole neighborhood about how bad everything is for you, what an unhappy family and life you have in general. But in this way, you will not only give pleasure to so many people who are so afraid of other people’s happiness and so rejoice in other people’s misfortunes, but you will also give them the opportunity to take advantage of your weaknesses. Taking a quarrel out of public view is a leak in your ship, both in the family ship, if the quarrel is family, and in your own, if you have a problem of a different kind, but it is connected with other people whom you consider guilty of it.

That is, this is a weak side in your personal qualities, which becomes the property of other people, which drowns you as a strong person, turning you into a victim. This is another comparison that can be made, given the importance of information about the negative aspects of your life, which allows the outside world with all its egoistic components to enter your life. Any person in life looks for opportunities for himself, consciously or not, but he does it; it is natural for our nature, sharpened for survival. And you give people such opportunities by distributing information about yourself that is absolutely unnecessary for them, thereby giving them part of the power over their lives. Next time, think carefully before making information about the situation in your family public, and no matter who you are talking about, to whom and what you are telling, think about why you are doing this and what it may lead to.

Not everything has to be bad, some people like to pour out their problems on each other, for them this is a kind of release, but as I wrote above, such release may have too high a price. For where there are people with their own problems, family or any other, there are opportunities for other people. Whether they will use them or not, you cannot know, because someone else’s soul is, as we know, dark. But you and I know, being people who understand psychology, that every person is an egoist by nature, and if the question arises about his or your interests, the majority will choose their own interests, to the detriment of friendship and even kinship. So why give people opportunities, why open the door for them to enter your personal life, given the fact that they can do this without your knowledge, when they need it?

Our ancestors said: “Don’t wash dirty linen in public when the sun has set.” Here lies the meaning - all things need to be done during the day, and at night only bad deeds are committed. The Slavs believed that during the day, while the sun is shining, the gods see, but at night they are not manifested and do not see in our world. This means you don’t need to do anything at night. That's why thieves go around at night. But, the idea is immediately given that the Slavs considered rubbish to be something like the creature Navi and therefore threw it away from home without looking, and one should not even look at the east and the sun during such a thing.

Witches used rubbish for sabotage:
In the spring, when cleaning, you need to throw the rubbish collected from the house on the floor of the person you want to harm and say: “All the bugs, yes fleas to you!” and run from this place without looking back.

You cannot burn rubbish from the house - dark fires will spoil it. That's how it is
If a girl sweeps the floor poorly, the groom will be crooked” (broken, ugly). If you wanted to isolate yourself from a bad person, then they threw a coal from the stove or household rubbish after him. If a family moved to a new place, they swept everything out of the house and took a handful of garbage with them. It was believed that rubbish connects our world with the world of our ancestors, and thus the connection with them will not be interrupted. In the new house, garbage was thrown into a corner that was visible as you walked through the door. If household members, relatives or dear guests have gone on a long journey, then you cannot clean up for three days - they may not return. The same thing happens when a man joins the army or goes to war.

You can’t track down a person who left the house, and you can’t even sweep rubbish into the street. And of course, you can’t clean the house when you’re sick: “don’t sweep when you’re sick, otherwise you can sweep it away with the trash.”

From the point of view of preserving the unified space of the house and its security in interaction with the outside world, rubbish cannot be swept out, this breaks the protective barrier, the same applies to conversations about households and home.

The true, deep meaning of the saying: “don’t wash your dirty laundry in public” means: keep your domestic relationships a secret, otherwise you will break the protective barrier of your home and invite disaster!

In this case, the word rubbish is used in the meaning of squabbles, swearing, quarrel, that is, everything is waste, don’t show off gossip. In fact, swearing in the house gives rise to waste energy and there is no other name for it than rubbish.
Considering that the Russian language is a language of images and reflects the true content of things, their role, then one can understand the true meaning of the saying.

Therefore, you should not tell strangers about your quarrels; you will cause laughter and attract other people’s energy into the house, which can lead to illness and failure.

Our ancestors said: “Don’t wash dirty linen in public when the sun has set.” Here lies the meaning - all things need to be done during the day, and at night only bad deeds are committed. The Slavs believed that during the day, while the sun is shining, the gods see, but at night they are not manifested and do not see in our world. This means you don’t need to do anything at night. That's why thieves go around at night. But, the idea is immediately given that the Slavs considered rubbish to be something like the creature Navi and therefore threw it away from home without looking, and one should not even look at the east and the sun during such a thing.
Witches used rubbish for sabotage:

In the spring, when cleaning, you need to throw the rubbish collected from the house on the floor of the person you want to harm and say: “All the bugs, yes fleas to you!” and run from this place without looking back.

You cannot burn rubbish from the house - dark fires will spoil it. So there is a belief in the village of Polesie: “throwing rubbish into the fire will make you blind by spring” or also “throwing rubbish into the fire will cover the sheep with scabs”...
If a girl doesn’t sweep the floor well, the groom will be crooked” (broken, ugly). If you wanted to isolate yourself from a bad person, then they threw a coal from the stove or household rubbish after him. If a family moved to a new place, they swept everything out of the house and took a handful of garbage with them. It was believed that litter connects our world with the world of our ancestors, and thus the connection with them will not be interrupted. In the new house, garbage was thrown into a corner that was visible as you walked through the door. If household members, relatives or dear guests have gone on a long journey, then you cannot clean up for three days - they may not return. The same thing happens when a man joins the army or goes to war.

You can’t track down a person who left the house, and you can’t even sweep rubbish into the street. And of course, you can’t clean the house when you’re sick: “don’t sweep when you’re sick, otherwise you can sweep it away with the trash.”
From the point of view of preserving the unified space of the house and its security in interaction with the outside world, rubbish cannot be swept out, this breaks the protective barrier, the same applies to conversations about households and home. The true, deep meaning of the saying: “don’t wash your dirty laundry in public” means: keep your domestic relationships a secret, otherwise you will break the protective barrier of your home and invite disaster! In this case, the word rubbish is used in the meaning of squabbles, swearing, quarrel, that is, everything is waste, don’t show off gossip. In fact, swearing in the house gives rise to waste energy and there is no other name for it than rubbish.

Considering that the Russian language is a language of images and reflects the true content of things, their role, then one can understand the true meaning of the saying. Therefore, you should not tell strangers about your quarrels; you will cause laughter and attract other people’s energy into the house, which can lead to illness and failure.

Don't take your dirty laundry out in public.

Proverbs of the Russian people. - M.: Fiction. V. I. Dal. 1989.

See what "Don't take your dirty laundry out of public." in other dictionaries:

Take revenge and bury it in a corner! Don't wash your dirty laundry in public! See THE SECRET OF CURIOSITY...

Don’t take out dirty laundry in public, but put it under the bench (and in the oven), and don’t gossip. Wed. Izmet (Tver, Pskov) gossip. Wed. The main thing is not to wash dirty linen in public and that everything that happened between us remains and dies as if in a grave. Pisemsky.… … Michelson's Large Explanatory and Phraseological Dictionary (original spelling)

- (and dig under the shop, that is, do not spread family news. Peasants do not sweep rubbish into the yard or street, but throw it into the oven when they light it, because the healer can use the litter, like a trail, to cause damage). See LANGUAGE SPEECH... V.I. Dahl. Proverbs of the Russian people

- (yes, into the oven) don’t gossip Wed. Izmet (Tver, Pskov) gossip. Wed. The main thing is not to wash dirty linen in public and that everything that happened between us remains and dies as if in a grave. Pisemsky. A troubled sea. 3, 15. Wed. He's so shy...

WASH YOUR DIRTY OUT OF PUBLIC

WASHING DIRTY OUT OF PUBLIC- who Disclose information about which people. troubles that concern a narrow circle of people and are therefore hidden from outsiders. This refers to family quarrels, squabbles, troubles, etc., as well as conflicts in a group of people united by something. common to... ... Phraseological Dictionary of the Russian Language

Husband. rubbish, squabbles, dust and fluff, trimmings, unusable and abandoned remains, foot-worn, and dried dirt; upholstery, small items, everything that is swept out of the home or thrown away as unusable. Construction debris, rubbish. Combed (horny) litter produces fat... ... Dahl's Explanatory Dictionary

Talking everywhere (good), but nowhere doing business. Not the housewife who speaks, but the one who cooks the cabbage soup. I’m not telling you to be a mocker, but you should think about it! He who interprets less, grieves less. Cut it down, smooth it out, and don’t tell anyone! More to say... ... V.I. Dahl. Proverbs of the Russian people

I. (foreign) an object of love, lovers To make (someone) fall in love with oneself, to make one tremble feverishly, languishing in anticipation Wed. To feel chills (about someone) to worry, to be sad. Wed. Gray is the duck of my hunt, fair is the maiden my sweetheart. Wed. What do you think? Isn’t it true... Michelson's Large Explanatory and Phraseological Dictionary

- (foreigner) I won’t tell anyone Wed. But tell me quickly, we won’t wash dirty linen in public... Don’t you know me? What was said died in me. Melnikov. In the forests. 1, 4. See, don’t take the dirty linen out of the hut, but throw it under the bench. See the grave... Michelson's Large Explanatory and Phraseological Dictionary

Currently, the expression “washing dirty linen in public” should be understood as follows: that all family issues and problems are resolved in the family and only in the family, without outsiders.

We owe the origin of this phraseological unit to wedding traditions in Rus' in peasant settlements. The newly-made daughter-in-law must certainly do two things: sweep the floors in the hut and bring water. At the same time, the guests who came to the wedding littered and said: “Sweep, sweep, but don’t take it out of the hut, but shovel it under the bench and put it in the oven so that it blows away with smoke.”

Now let's figure out why and why this was done. It should be noted that for a long time people lived in harmony with nature (not like now), felt its fragile matter much more subtly, revered and appreciated it, and were also very superstitious. It was believed that any, even the smallest, object in the house, including garbage (especially hair), should under no circumstances fall into the hands of evil people: witches or sorcerers, who, with the help of conspiracies, could bring misfortune and discord to the family. stand.