12 357 0 Hello! In this article we will talk about how to love yourself. Advice from our psychologists will help you accept yourself as you are and increase your self-esteem.

We can try to please others, look advantageous in the eyes of others, perform good deeds, do charity work, remain calm and handle difficult situations well. And many other useful things in life... But we can become truly happy and successful only when we begin to like ourselves and are satisfied with ourselves. Self-doubt, low self-esteem, anxiety, suspiciousness, and susceptibility to depression are consequences of self-dislike, which clearly interfere with living a full life. If you are asking the main question of today’s topic, then you are already taking the first step in in this direction, and the recommendations below will help you.

It turns out that learning to live in harmony with oneself is not such a rare problem. Unfortunately, it is complicated by the fact that self-dislike may not be realized; sometimes this requires effort. In most cases, the roots of this phenomenon go back to deep childhood and from then on influence our worldview and behavior. There are, of course, other reasons.

Reasons for not loving yourself

• Education based on orders and suppression of initiative.

If a child is regularly exposed to excessive criticism and reproaches, and at the same time he receives little affection and warmth from his parents, then an image of himself is formed in his mind as unworthy of love, attention and success.

The other extreme of parenting - overprotection - is also not in the best possible way affects the instillation of self-love. When a child is overprotected and is not allowed to act independently, then, growing up, he understands that he does not have enough skills, abilities, and courage. And this inevitably leads to self-doubt and decreased self-esteem.

• Committing actions that caused criticism from others, or for which you condemn yourself.

It happens that we do something contrary to our ideals and beliefs, “out of stupidity,” without thinking. Or a reassessment of values ​​may occur, and we begin to repent of what we have done. Not everyone copes easily with this depressing state. Some even stop loving themselves altogether.

• Inconsistency ideal image myself.

If we strive for the ideal we have created, but do not achieve it (in appearance, personal qualities, behavior), then we feel dissatisfied with ourselves. The reason may also be a discrepancy with the expectations of others or the image imposed by means mass media. As a result, we do not accept ourselves as we are, and all the time we set ourselves an unattainable bar.

• Facing failure.

Unpleasant events in your personal life and professional field can affect our perception of ourselves. Parting with a loved one, feelings of guilt, relationships with friends and colleagues, and lack of career success often affect self-esteem. Especially if we are used to treating ourselves through the prism of achievements.

Self-love: its features and origins

It is worth understanding the essence of the concept and how self-love is formed.

• Self-love is, first of all, understanding and accepting yourself I:

1. We know what we want in life, we know how to dream and make plans.
2. We have goals to which we are faithful and from which we try not to deviate.
3. We are aware of our strengths and weaknesses, we accept ourselves as we are.
4. If we understand that certain qualities interfere with life, then we work on ourselves and try to change them (without fanaticism, of course).

But even if we change something undesirable in our personality, we still continue to respect ourselves and praise ourselves for the slightest changes in a positive direction. After all, we have a core, a foundation, many strong qualities for which we are worth loving ourselves!

• Love is born in actions and manifests itself in actions.

Self-love is born through the actions of parents. They take care of the baby, communicate with him, smile, play, give their warmth and love, guide him and set life guidelines in order to form a mature personality in him. The child perceives these signals, feels love and support from the parents, develops self-confidence and the attitude: “I can”, “I can handle it”, “I am worthy”, etc. Without being afraid to act, we learn to accept more effectively decisions, take responsibility, follow the goal. And this is always an additional reason to respect yourself.

• When we love ourselves, we act.

We don’t waste time worrying about “what’s wrong with me?” or “I can’t achieve this.” Of course, this does not mean that people who love and respect themselves do not have moments of blues and anxiety. We are all alive and have the right to experience different emotions. But there are 3 key differences.

1. Firstly, when we love ourselves, we always remember our main goals and will follow them, despite life’s difficulties.
2. Secondly, we will not allow ourselves to be drawn into these melancholic moments and will find a way to get ourselves into shape.
3. Thirdly, our habit of action will not take long to take place, and we will begin to look for a way out of the current situation. And we will definitely find him!

The difference between self-love and selfishness, narcissism, narcissism

Self-love is internal self-satisfaction, self-respect, understanding and acceptance of oneself. Someone who loves himself treats other people with respect, does not consider them superior or inferior to himself, and communicates as equals.

Self-love is not selfishness. The main difference is that a person who loves himself (not an egoist) is able to equally take care of himself and those around him, while an egoist puts his own interests above others and considers his own person to be extremely important. He often does not take people's needs into account at all.

Narcissism and narcissism are usually used interchangeably and mean an extreme degree of selfishness. These qualities are possessed by people with high self-esteem, who believe that only they deserve true attention and attract it to themselves by any means. Narcissistic individuals consider everyone else inferior to themselves. They are not sensitive or responsive to other people's problems.

Others are drawn to people who love themselves (and show interest in others). And self-deprecation, selfishness and narcissism in most cases are repulsive.

Why is it important to love yourself?

• Dislike for oneself leads to the accumulation of various negative feelings, the most destructive of which are... We envy those who are better than us (we think), who have achieved something more than us, and this is very depressing. We are jealous of someone close to those they like (more than we are, as it seems again). We suffer because we are not as good as we would like. And unfortunately, these negative experiences most often remain at the level of emotions and thoughts and do not turn into actions to change the situation.
• A person who does not love himself (and, therefore, does not understand and does not accept), is turned to his inner world, he always wants to understand, study, discover something about himself. He is constantly searching for himself. Therefore, he has no time for others. Such people close themselves off from the outside world and from communication with others. And when we love and understand ourselves, we are more open to contacts with the world, other people are interesting to us, we study them.
• Loving ourselves and others makes us kinder. When we like ourselves, we are generally more satisfied with life and experience positive emotions. We feel the strength and desire to help others.
• To be liked by others, you must accept and love yourself. If we do not learn to do this, we will not be able to attract the attention of other people, communicate successfully and make new acquaintances.

When we don't love ourselves, we don't allow others to love themselves.

• Our self-confidence and self-confidence directly depend on self-love. Self-esteem promotes an adequate assessment of oneself and one's own capabilities.
• When we love ourselves, we take better care of ourselves: we take care of our appearance, allocate enough time for relaxation and hobbies, and try to protect ourselves from stress, emotional and physical overload. Of course, this attitude towards yourself helps to maintain health.
• Self-love makes us braver. This makes it easier for us to stand up for ourselves and others, declare our interests, not allow anyone to “sit on our necks,” take risks for the sake of a worthwhile cause (after all, we are confident in ourselves!)
• Self-love makes us stronger. We're better at dealing with difficult situations and overcome stress, gain experience and become wiser.
• In the family, we are also more successful if we like ourselves. For example, if a woman is satisfied with herself and values ​​herself, then she looks good, shines, creates comfort and good mood for her loved ones, and takes care of them. Thus, she attracts the attention of her husband and is in good contact with kids. Even just this should make you love yourself.
• Self-love protects us from various “stupidities” and bad deeds. And the more it is, the less prone we are to unjustified risk to life, addictions, causing bodily harm to oneself, etc.
• By loving and understanding ourselves, we know what we want in life, realize our needs and make plans for the future.
• Self-respect and adequate self-esteem always contribute to the fact that we can praise ourselves for our achievements and demonstrated strong qualities and are not afraid to admit to ourselves our own weaknesses. And this is very important for personal development.

The psychologist's advice below will help you think and act in the right direction and solve the question of how to love yourself and increase self-esteem.

How to please yourself: let's start taking action

1. To start, just smile! Right now. Let's! Do this without a mirror (this will make your smile more sincere). Feel which muscles tense slightly, imagine what your eyes look like. Sincere joy always manifests itself in them. You need to learn to smile with your eyes. This way, both yourself and others will like you more. Subsequently, you can practice in front of a mirror, choosing the most attractive smile in your opinion. Do this regularly. After all, by smiling, we activate the centers in the brain that are responsible for the feeling of happiness. And if we begin to feel something, it means that it is already present in our life.
2. Within 10 seconds, remember one of your positive traits who helped you succeed. Most likely, at that moment you felt good and were pleased with yourself. Reconnect with those emotions and feel the joy. If it worked then, it means it will work in the future, because this is your quality, and it is always with you! And there are certainly other features that make up inner rod and make you strong personality. You just need to remember them and apply them in life.
3. Study yourself properly! Just without unnecessary soul-searching and focusing on shortcomings. For example, devote a whole day to this. Write down on paper your strengths and weaknesses, your goals and values, dreams and plans for the future. Which of your main goals have you already achieved? Which ones don’t exist yet? Perhaps there is something you want but are afraid to do? Be sure to summarize, highlight your key qualities that are important to rely on, and the main goals that you will strive for.
   Read:
4. Get rid of things you don't like. If, for example, you wear clothes that look completely unattractive and irritate you, then you direct the same emotions towards yourself. Take a quick look at your wardrobe and outdoor space. Surround yourself with pleasant things. Let these be a few items of clothing in which you feel confident and comfortable; a painting, a souvenir or some kind of accessory that pleases the eye and lifts your spirits, etc. The color scheme around should also be pleasant for you. It's better to keep your desk tidy.
   

   Your external personal space and the things around you are a reflection of your inner world. By managing one, you change the other.

5. Force yourself to take some decisive steps. For example, bring something you once started to completion. Or do what you have been wanting to do for a long time, but are hesitant or afraid for some reason (naturally, within the limits of what is permitted by law). Try to behave unconventionally, to go beyond your usual fixated actions. For example, choose a new route to return home (even if not entirely logical), organize some interesting event for family and friends, to attend an unusual exhibition or performance, to spend the weekend in a new way, etc.
6. Learn to tell yourself: “STOP”, as soon as you begin to engage in self-flagellation and regret some of the actions you have taken. ACCEPT YOURSELF with all your weaknesses and failures (and at the same time - with strength and resilience) - now task number one! Everyone makes mistakes and has the right to do so. Moreover, the majority do not stop loving themselves because of this. And any failures are an invaluable experience that helped you achieve what you have now, which makes you stronger and wiser.
7. Regularly monitor changes in yourself. You can even keep a comparison diary. But you need to compare yourself not with other people, but with your former self, who you were before you began to change your attitude towards yourself. Celebrate all your positive actions, the emergence of new useful traits and habits, praise yourself even for small achievements.

Comparing yourself to others is pointless, unhelpful and ineffective. We are all unique in our own way, and everyone has their own development path..

Take care of your body and health

1. Make sure you like your appearance. Just little tricks and wisdom can change your image. New hairstyle or the shape of the eyebrows, a different color of lipstick or eye shadow sometimes work wonders and can help a woman fall in love with herself and increase her self-esteem. Sometimes, of course, more drastic changes may be required, for example, correcting your figure by joining a gym. Everything is in your hands, and you yourself determine the extent of the desired changes.
   Read:

   You are the creator of your image. Only you!

2. Watch your posture. It is this that often reveals confidence or uncertainty in a person. The same principle applies here as with a smile. Raise your head and look forward, straighten your shoulders and straighten your back - you will feel that you are becoming taller, more significant, more confident. Come on, do it right now! First, you will need to constantly monitor this body position, then you will develop a good habit of maintaining your posture. Remember, everyone. What is this compared to a whole life?!
3. It's time to start highlighting. It could be just relaxing or doing your favorite things. And no objections in style: “Well, there’s absolutely no time!” or “Yes, I don’t think I need it”- not accepted. You have the right to rest and personal time. And the more you highlight it, the more you will become convinced that you really deserve it. Enjoy happy moments!
4. Treat yourself and your body with pleasant treatments: massage, SPA, aromatic baths, etc. Do not forget that even after 50 years this issue is very relevant.
5. Do the following exercises:
   — Love your body!- Walk around the house naked for one day. Practice this once a week. This will help you accept yourself for who you are. This will relieve you from the embarrassment of being on the beach during the swimming season. Remember, the main rule: if you love yourself, others will love you.
   — Start the day with compliments!- We woke up. Let's go wash up. Smiled at yourself in the mirror. While brushing your teeth, say 3-5 compliments to yourself in your head!
   — Find the one!- ... the very phrase that would inspire you and give you strength and confidence. Perhaps you already have it in your arsenal, but you forget to repeat it to yourself. Print it out (you can use a color printer, in a beautiful font) and place it in a small frame near your bed. When you wake up in the morning, don’t forget to look at it and your day will start completely differently.
   — Feel free to receive compliments and gifts. Remember, you deserve the best! Accept it! Surely you have met people who, perhaps, do not have the appearance of a model, and do not shine with great intelligence, but who have all the blessings in this life. So, their self-esteem is fine and they know for sure that they deserve everything they have.

How to love yourself: be positive

1. Get involved and interested. A person who is “on fire” with something is always in a good mood and charged with positive energy. He has no time to be sad and worry about his shortcomings. Such people are enthusiastic and inspire others. They are satisfied with themselves, because they do what they like and get meaningful results. Therefore, it is important that you always have something you like.

Read more (mainly books), watch interesting programs and movies, accumulate useful information, share it with others. This always promotes self-development.

1. Create more! The combination of reason and feelings allows us to realize an interesting task - to create. Some build, others draw, write books, design, and master culinary skills. The more we create, the more we value ourselves. And the more often we do this, the higher our level of skill, and this is always a reason to praise ourselves.
2. Do the following exercise. Write the same phrase several times on a piece of paper in a column: “I love...” (at least 20 times) and continue it. You can write whatever you want:
   - "I like ice cream",
   - “I like to smile at people”
   - “I love it when my baby laughs”
   - “I like to cook delicious food,” etc.
   Don't think too long about it. The more phrases you want to write, the better. Love always reflects powerful life energy. The more we love everything and everyone around us, the more we are charged with this energy. We feel happier and respect ourselves.
3. Watch what you say. Your speech should be positive. Avoid phrases: “I don’t like myself,” “I don’t like myself,” “I’m not capable of...” and the like. On the contrary, constantly remind and inspire yourself: “I love myself”, “I respect myself”, “I am worthy of this”, “I can handle it”, etc. Thought is material, and any words affect your mood and state. Think of phrases like these as commands for action and sources of self-support. They have a scientific name - affirmations. Here are some examples:
   “I am full of energy and constantly developing”
   “There is peace and harmony in my soul,”
   "I like to do something nice for myself"
   “I know how to find an approach to any person.”

Keep a “Good Mood Notebook” and write down all the phrases that you like, that make you feel an influx of energy and make you take action.

How to love yourself while interacting with others

1. Communicate more. With your loved ones, friends, colleagues, and also with strangers. make new acquaintances, be the first to take the initiative! Communication develops speech, oratory skills, courage, and the ability to find an approach to different people and get them interested.
2. Give joy to others and do good deeds. Small gifts for loved ones and friends, compliments and words of support, providing assistance in various situations - all this will help strengthen relationships with others and increase your self-esteem. And, of course, the feeling that we can make the world a kinder place adds to our self-love.
3. If you yourself experienced, as a child, a lack of love for yourself from loved ones, do not repeat this with your children.. It is important to realize this and forgive your parents, because they could have committed some actions due to lack of experience and the presence of various fears. Accept this and do not transfer your hidden negative feelings to your children. Agree that you are no longer that child, but a mature person who herself chooses the most favorable path for raising her descendants. What you instill in them and what feelings you give them will affect their development, attitude towards themselves and success in the future.

In addition to your decisive actions, you can read interesting and useful books on developing self-love from the following authors: “Reconcile body and spirit: 40 simple exercises", Albin Michel, 2007, Louise L. Hay "Album of healing affirmations", L. Breuning "Happiness Hormones", M.E. Litvak “If you want to be happy”, E. Muir “Self-confidence”, E. Lamott “Small victories”, N. Rein “How to love yourself, or Mom for the Inner Child”.

Especially for you, we have selected videos for you that will help you love yourself, accept yourself and forget words like “I don’t like myself.”

Louise Hay

Simple steps to love yourself and increase your self-esteem.

We are a mirror of relationships with our world. By accepting ourselves, we accept others. By loving ourselves, we love those around us. By establishing relationships with ourselves, we improve communication and mutual understanding with them, become kinder and attract positive energy into our lives.

The following articles will also help you accept yourself, learn something more about yourself and deal with the most common problems of every girl.

Recently a girl came to me for a consultation. Outwardly quite attractive, produces good impression. Therefore, the question she asked me sounded unexpected to me: “How to love yourself?” I hear this question from my clients quite often. Moreover, almost every time I have to observe how a bad attitude towards oneself, lack of self-acceptance, self-criticism negatively affects people’s lives, depriving them of joy and the opportunity to enjoy themselves and the world around them.

To love or not to love... that is the question!

I completely share the point of view that what better person treats himself, the more likely he is to become successful and achieve his goals. Good attitude towards oneself increases the likelihood of achieving heights, for example, in the professional field. Loving yourself means being in harmony with yourself and the world around you, feeling confident and attractive, respecting yourself and your desires, and carrying a positive charge that is felt by the people around you.

Dissatisfaction with oneself deprives a person of the ability to enjoy life, often leads to low mood or even causes . A person who does not love himself cannot love someone else, so a common problem for such people is , inability to build productive relationships with others, lack of friends. Self-dislike is often associated with , which is fraught with dissatisfaction with oneself, one’s appearance, lack of self-confidence, constant voltage and a feeling of worthlessness.

What does it mean to love yourself?

It is important to understand that loving yourself does not mean being selfish. Self-love is a deep acceptance of oneself as a person, as an individual, self-respect and a sense of inner well-being. Self-love in this sense should also not be confused with narcissism, which is expressed through empty narcissism and excessive demonstration of one’s ego to others.

The main desire!

As soon as you decide to change your attitude towards yourself and love yourself, the process of change will be launched. However, this is not an easy job, and you need to understand that it takes some time. Love yourself instantly, with a wave magic wand you won't succeed. Make adjustments to your appearance quickly and easily, but truly accept and love your inner world it can be very difficult. The process of accepting yourself takes time, but how much depends only on your desire and your readiness for change. So where to start?

Take care of your appearance

Let's start with what, in my opinion, is the easiest to change and transform - your appearance. Very often, dissatisfaction with oneself is strongly connected with dissatisfaction with one's own appearance. Moreover, these can be both real problems and imaginary ones. Many appearance flaws can be easily corrected the right choice clothes that suit your figure, use of cosmetics, etc. It is important to always take care of your appearance - you do not have to be dressed in the latest fashion in trendy things. The main thing is that these are clothes that you like and add confidence to yourself, and your appearance overall it was neat and well-groomed. Take an extra 10 minutes to iron your clothes, do your hair, apply makeup, and put your shoes in order before leaving the house. Use perfume, choose a pleasant aroma that will inspire you. Don't neglect accessories: beautiful watch or a comfortable handbag will once again evoke positive emotions in you, uplifting your mood and adding self-confidence.

Your mood and the way you think determine your inner content, and as a result, your view of the world. the world. Dissatisfaction with oneself causes many negative emotions, such as irritation, anger, despair, etc. Get in a positive mood, learn to enjoy the little things, and the world will sparkle with bright colors for you (I wrote about how to improve your mood in the article« » ).

Watch your thoughts. Cut off all the negative epithets that come to your mind: “I’m so ugly,” “I’m so fat, I’m just terrible,” “I’m a loser, I’ll never succeed,” etc. With an effort of will, change these phrases to positive ones that add confidence and a sense of inner well-being, for example: “I am special,” “I can achieve my goal,” “I accept myself and love who I am.”

Move forward, don't stay in one place for too long. Develop yourself physically (playing sports) and intellectually (reading books, training programs or advanced training courses). Find an activity or hobby you enjoy that will inspire you and fill you with energy and pleasure. Praise and encourage yourself for any, even the most minor achievements. Learn to appreciate everything in your life. Special attention Pay attention to your strengths - use them as a support to achieve your goals. If it is difficult to discover the advantages in yourself on your own, turn to friends and loved ones for help. Ask them to make a list of your positive aspects. I am sure you will be surprised by the result - those around you will certainly find many advantages in you! Accept compliments and praise - this will help build self-confidence. Learn to view criticism not as an insult, but as an opportunity to improve.

Accept your past

Very often, self-dissatisfaction can be related to what you are experiencing for some mistakes or events in the past. Try to look at the events of the past not as a failure, but as an invaluable experience that made you stronger and allowed you to become who you are now. The very awareness of a mistake made is already work on oneself, it helps to understand and become closer to oneself. But it is important not to get hung up on it, but to move forward, taking into account the experience gained in your present and future life(I wrote about how to accept your past in the article« » ).

Listen to your desires

Give yourself permission to do what you want and enjoy. We are not talking about any illegal actions or antisocial behavior. I mean inner freedom, the ability to choose, listen to yourself, and not follow the lead of others. When performing any action, think: do you really want this? For example, when you buy something not quite the right thing, you do so at your own discretion, orso as not to upset the seller ? Or are you going to a party because you really want to, or just because all your friends will be there? There are things that go against your inner beliefs or values, and it is important to notice them. When you do something against your desire or compromise your principles, you experience unpleasant feelings (tension, anger, sadness, dissatisfaction). They may not immediately become noticeable to you, but as they accumulate, they bring a lot of discomfort and, as a result, dissatisfaction with yourself. Sometimes it can be very difficult to distinguish your desire from the imposed one. In this case, it is necessary to develop internal sensitivity and the ability to hear your inner voice (I wrote about how to do this in the article« » ).

Surround yourself with nice people

Think about what kind of people surround you? How do you feel around them? Do they fill you with energy and positivity, or do they only cause negative emotions, feelings of guilt or fear, humiliate or suppress you? Do you understand how these people got into your life and why they stay in it for so long? Give up relationships with people with whom communication does not bring you any pleasure or satisfaction, with whom you are uncomfortable interacting. Or try to reduce contacts with them to a minimum (if, for example, your relationship is due to functional necessity). This process takes time and requires effort. But if you set such a goal for yourself, you will definitely achieve it. Build relationships with people who inspire you, fill you with energy and positivity, from whom you want to follow an example and change in better side.

There is no need to look for a reason to love yourself!Want to be happy man- be it! Fill your life with positive emotions, good mood, pleasant people, bright events - and you will notice how your attitude towards the world and yourself will change for the better. And the world, in turn, will definitely answer you in kind.

I want to invite all women to a special one. It's about how a woman can love herself, become more confident, cope with life's difficulties, be in harmony with yourself and the world around you! The ABC of Women training program can be viewed.

Taking care of you, Gestalt therapist.

One of my friends has no luck with men. Or rather, “unlucky” is not the right word. They simply avoid it like a moth avoids mothballs. And this is all the more surprising since she is a pretty thirty-year-old woman with a pleasant figure and no less pleasant own apartment In Minsk. She's smart, she teaches at the university, she dresses well, she takes care of herself - and Once again in a cozy kitchen over a cup of tea, he complains: they say, there are no men around, and if they do appear, then they are goats and a natural disaster rolled into one.

Once again I think: why are they nice? successful women Having passed all the exams to build a career with “excellence”, do you often end up with a complete “failure” in your personal life? Look at the other one - the mouse is gray, and that’s all, and he turns his fans around as he wants. What is so special about her, since men bite like a pike on a lure? For "eternal" women's issues answers the famous Russian psychologist and trainer Inna Chori.

Inna Chori is a psychoanalyst, sexologist, author and presenter of popular trainings on increasing female sexuality and self-confidence. Author of the programs: “Psycho-sexual development of adolescents”, “Three-stage program: Secrets of Femininity, Scatterings of the night (sex techniques), Secrets of Scheherazade”, “Sex toys: fashion for pleasure”, “Women’s power”, “How to give a woman pleasure (program exclusively for men)”, “Workshop Bitches”.

Got two higher education(Faculty of Defectology of the Herzen State Pedagogical University and the Eastern European Institute of Psychoanalysis). She is happily married and believes that any reasonable woman can do this. Her training is an incredible combination modern psychology, oriental sexual techniques and educational methods of the Smolny Institute of Noble Maidens. And all this serves only one purpose - to make a woman happy.…

Inna, why are they smart, attractive, business women are often unsuccessful in relationships with men? Does the opposite sex really divide us into “horror, how smart” and “lovely, what fools”?

When a woman begins to create a business, she learns to act like a man - aggressively, assertively. There is no way in business without this. She transfers this same model of behavior to many areas of life. It is inevitable that others begin to perceive her in accordance with her behavior - as a man.

I still believe that the main sphere of a woman’s realization is in the family and children. Of course, a true woman should have her own business: an activity that brings her pleasure. It can also be used to make money. The problem arises when businesswomen “forget” to switch from a “male” model of behavior to a “female one.”

If you want, do business for your health. But give yourself a clear role switch. At work I am a manager, teacher, leader, and at home or in relationships with men I am woman. I'm not afraid to express my emotions, to appear fragile and weak.

Dear girls, the most important thing you need to learn is to be natural. Do not hide your strength and weakness. If necessary, tell your man about your worries, worries and fears. For some reason, strong women Often they don’t allow themselves to do this. And in vain. You can’t imagine how easy it is for a woman to get everything she wants in life from men. Without straining, without breaking yourself, but simply with the help of sincerity, the ability to “be weak” when you need to, not to make a scandal, but to find workarounds.

Many “business sharks” in skirts who realized this, got married wonderfully, created good families. But this requires a lot inner work. You need to find that “little girl” who lives somewhere inside you - spontaneous, emotional, fragile, in need of protection. At my trainings, participants remember their childhood - in order to emerge from these memories, as in fairy tales, from a cauldron of rejuvenating water, renewed and harmonious.

Secret weapon: the blonde look

Sometimes you look: the girl is so stupid that she even gets angry. But the men still revolve around her…

The image of the “blonde”, yes, that same anecdotal one, is our powerful secret weapon. Do not neglect it under any circumstances! And remember: to be " the right blonde", you need a sharp mind and a lot of practice. If you don’t succeed the first time, don’t be upset - this, like many other things, can be learned.

Men by nature Don Quixote… We just need to help them feel like knights in shining armor, rushing to the aid of beautiful lady. We, modern women, so independent - well, just to the point of nausea. We will install Windows ourselves and hammer a nail into the wall. But let the men prove themselves - at least carry their shopping bag to the bus stop! I say such simple and obvious things that it’s even embarrassing. Meanwhile, many women do not even imagine what an amazing effect entering the role of a “blonde” can give.

One of my clients, after the “Women’s Power” training, decided to try the blonde look, so to speak, in practice. And in the purest, unadulterated form. The girl has been driving a car for a long time and is well versed in technology. She arrived at a gas station, approached the employee and, innocently batting her eyelashes, said: “Please help me, I don’t remember where to insert the gun.” Then she admitted: “I expected that they would look at me like I was a fool and send me to hell.” However, the effect was completely unexpected. Almost half of the men present there gathered around her! They filled up the car, entertained us with conversation, and even invited us for a cup of coffee.

Allow yourself to be frivolous sometimes. In response to an insane offer to go on a last-minute diving tour or make love on the roof, wave your hand at least once: “Come on!” And how much of that life!” Men at heart remain boys until old age - gambling, loving to “show off” And women? Women, on the contrary, often portray themselves as strict “teachers.” And what does this give? Remember the story of Malvina and Pinocchio? “Better teach your little spiders,” said Pinocchio and ran away from the beauty with blue hair through the closet window. If a woman is a child at heart, a girl with bows, the man next to her feels good and comfortable. They love people like that. Sometimes they even leave the family for such people, leaving behind boring “teachers.”

Put a man in a passport

Why are some people offered their hand and heart at almost every step, while others are stubbornly unlucky? Tell us as a psychologist: what fatal mistakes prevent us from “putting” a man not into bed, but into a passport?

The most important rule sounds paradoxical: if you want someone to marry you, don’t wait for it! Don’t get hung up on this desire, don’t suffocate a man with your expectations. Don’t let him feel that you are dragging him to the registry office “on a rope.” He will immediately want to “break away” and run away.

There is no need to pretend to be indifferent. Just reduce the importance of the object slightly for myself. There can and should be other interests in your life. Mind your own business personal development, communicate with friends, go to the movies and theaters, indulge in hobbies. Don’t sit by the phone like Alyonushka by the pond, waiting for His calls.

And don’t bombard Him with calls, demanding an account of where he is and with whom. Even if you are jealous and worried, make an effort, pull yourself together! "Where are you? and “What are you doing now” are the scariest questions a woman can ask a man. They almost always cause a negative reaction: the partner feels that you are encroaching on the most sacred and precious thing - his freedom. Even your husband shouldn’t ask such questions! The same thing can be found out in a roundabout way: “Darling, can you talk now?”

Create healthy competition around yourself. It's about It’s not about deliberately inciting your partner’s jealousy. But many women make a mistake when they decide: “I have a loved one, and now I don’t need any suitors, I will communicate with other men only when necessary.”

Live your life as you lived - communicate with friends, accept flowers from fans. This will allow you to be “on your toes”, feel beautiful and unique, and will force a man to make a decision faster.
Another mistake, paradoxically, is formulated as follows: “I will not impose myself on him, which means I will be valuable to him.” A woman agrees to a civil marriage for years, not daring to talk about the development of the relationship.
Yes, you don’t need to get hung up on marriage, you don’t need to attach extreme value to it, but if after a year of a permanent relationship a man has not asked you to marry, it’s time to think about it. If he tells you he's not ready for family life- in most cases this is not an “excuse”, but sad truth. Think carefully about whether you need such a partner. Or maybe it’s worth ending a hopeless relationship?

There are many techniques for “pressing” men, allowing you to still bring them to the door of the registry office. I talk about these techniques in detail in my trainings. To briefly express their essence - do not let a man guess how important legal marriage is to you. Just create a situation where he is required to make this choice.

The best main secret feminine attractiveness and charm - what is it? What does it take to be a winner in life and just a happy Woman?

Charm consists of many traits: appearance, gait and plastic movements, the notorious ability to “present oneself,” the timbre of the voice. All this is quite easy to learn. But the most important thing is the inner state of happiness. Carry yourself through life like a cup full of light. Enter a state of inner happiness, joy, self-admiration. This thought will shine in your eyes and maintain your proud posture.

Look what's happening on the streets. Here comes a woman, her back is twisted, her eyes are on the floor, her face is dull - she doesn’t love herself, who could like her?! Men react primarily to the impulse of happiness and pleasure coming from a woman. Subconsciously, every man is looking for someone who can bring happiness and joy into his life.

My main task as a psychologist and sexologist is to teach a woman to “drag” from herself, and not look for folds on the butt and cellulite under a microscope. Cultivate an inner sense of your own exclusivity and uniqueness. Remember, you are your own value. And you will succeed!

For the first time in Minsk, Inna Chori’s “Women’s Power” training took place on May 15-16.
Tel.: (+375 29) 646-69-44 (Elena)
Details at trainingclub.by

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One of the main components of happiness is self-love. You can give joy and care to other people and get a lot of pleasure from it, but you will never achieve complete, 100% happiness. Still, every person has a drop of healthy egoism. Both you and I have it. Before doing this, I recommend that you read the article about.

But before we begin to analyze the question, how to love yourself, let's look at the consequences of low self-esteem. The bare minimum is that you won't feel very confident. The maximum is prolonged depression and even thoughts of suicide. Of course, the latter option is unlikely, but, unfortunately, such cases are also known.

Negativity, in principle, rarely leads to good consequences, let alone negativity towards oneself. On most sites you will probably find the usual advice that will encourage you and tell you: love yourself. However, like you, I understand that this is of little use. Need to dive deeper into this problem to start getting really good results.

By the way, if you believe in the law of attraction, then you understand why you shouldn’t think badly about yourself. For those who don't know, the more you think about something, the more it attracts into your life. For example, if you constantly think about something, then soon the universe will begin to send you many hints on this topic. For example, an article on my blog.

What is the cause of your problem?

Not one of them psychological problems cannot be solved without knowing the reason. Some gifted people (especially on the Internet) like to offer universal solutions. Of course, they can help, but most often they do it only partially or do not bring results at all. The best solution is the help of professionals.

However, you can take the first steps in this direction on your own. Moreover, you have already started doing them, because it’s not for nothing that you started reading an article about how a woman or man can love himself. Congratulations, you are on on the right track, once you already understand the problem and start looking for ways to solve it. But try to go deeper...

Try to remember the first time you had these thoughts. This is very difficult to do, so try a simple exercise. Remember when you thought about your problem? last time, then go back a couple more days and continue until you remember a couple dozen cases. The deeper the memories, the better.

Then remember what they were associated with. For example, if you don't like yourself because you're overweight, it could be the disappointment that comes with looking in the mirror and stopping your diet. If you cannot love yourself because you often lash out at your family, then these memories may come up during quarrels and so on.

You need to get to the root of the problem. Where it all started. When did you first start thinking about what you had? excess weight or bad character. Most problems grow from childhood, but there are reasons for poor self-esteem that are associated with adulthood. Answering the question of how to love yourself, psychology cannot give exact answers, but you have taken the second step towards solving it.

Forgive or erase

Next you will have even more difficult task. You may even forgive your offenders or yourself in the past. I repeat, it is incredibly difficult to do this truly, because resentment has accumulated in your heart long years, but you can do it step by step. The easiest option is to visualize your memories.

For example, you were teased at school because you were overweight. Imagine that this didn't actually happen. You just talked with your classmates, but no one called you names. If this is difficult to do, then try to imagine that they are asking you for forgiveness for what happened. You can also visualize yourself giving these people gifts, smiling together and just talking - this also helps.

But what to do if the memories are so strong that it is almost impossible to forget about them? Try to destroy them. Erase them and imagine it never happened. You have never looked at yourself in the mirror and you have never screamed at your loved ones. Some call it life from a blank slate - perhaps they are right.

At first it will be difficult, but every time you again remember the reasons for your own dissatisfaction, simply drown them out. Yes, ignoring the problem is not the best option, however, it will help you gather strength for further decisions, which professional psychologists will help you cope with. And you won’t have to worry about how to make yourself fall in love.

Change your beliefs on paper

Writing gave people not only the opportunity to exchange information. With the help of a regular piece of paper and a ballpoint pen, you can achieve good changes in psychologically. All you need to do is find a secluded place and a few minutes of free time. It is very important that no one distracts you at this moment, and you can fully concentrate on the task.

First, on one side of the paper, write down all the beliefs about yourself that you currently have:

• I constantly procrastinate
• I can't cope with negative emotions
• I don't know,
• My skin looks ugly
• I'm too fat and clumsy.

Write as many of them as possible. Have you written? Now cross it out. Moreover, put as much of your strength, spirit and aspiration into this action as possible. You don't need them anymore. Then tear this piece of paper, you can even burn it if the situation allows.

However, the exercise doesn't end there. Do something else. Take a new piece of paper and write on it new beliefs that you would like to put into practice. It could be:

• I can easily take on any job
• I always have a positive attitude towards work
• I understand what needs to be done
• I look very beautiful
• I look the way I need at the moment.

Of course, I am not a supporter of self-deception, but this is a good way. However, you can also write more truthful statements. For example, “I will do everything I can to lose weight”- This option personally appeals to me more. It is more suitable for understanding how a girl can love herself.

Place this piece of paper next to your bed and re-read your new beliefs every time you go to bed. And do it not diagonally, but really read every word. Very soon you will notice that you really start to feel better about yourself. There is also another way to use this list. Which? Find out in the following articles.

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10 steps to love yourself and others

While preparing this material, I came across a wonderful article on English language. I will not translate it literally, but some of the points from it seemed attractive enough to me to include them in this post. Of these, ten steps were formulated, by following which you can increase the level of self-love.

First step. Stop criticizing yourself

Every day a person changes. It doesn’t matter what it’s connected with: with his internal struggle, surrounding people or some external circumstances. Every conversation changes us from the inside, every action we take somehow resonates in our character.

However, some people suffer from a very serious disease - delusion of improvement. It seems to them that they should be something bigger, something better, but when faced with reality they realize that everything is actually not as they would like to think. As a result, they criticize themselves a lot, which does not lead to positive consequences. If you want to love yourself, get rid of this illness.

Second step. Believe in the best

What do you think about before you fall asleep? If you set yourself up for negative emotions, remember all your sins and other inappropriate things, then this explains low level your self-esteem. In fact, to change and love yourself, you just need to believe in the best. Instead of sad memories, think about the good. Instead of imagining future difficulties, dream about an ideal future, this, and so on.

Third step. Become more patient

One of my friends asked how to make a girl love him. I was surprised by this, since I was sure that he himself suffered from low self-esteem. In fact, many people want a lot, here and now. However, this does not happen.

To achieve something big, you must first achieve a small goal. If you come to Gym, then you are unlikely to be able to lift 100 kg the first time. First you will have to take a 5-kilogram weight, then a 10-kilogram and so on. This also works in other situations.

Fourth step. Think positively

You need to get rid of most of the negativity that pours into your mind every day. Without this, it is hardly possible to understand how a man or woman can love himself. True, every day we are bombarded with such a stream of negative emotions that sometimes you wonder how you can survive in such situations.

First of all, it is worth excluding television and media. Only negative emotions come from there, and your friends will easily notify you about important news. Also work on your thoughts and eliminate everything unnecessary.

Fifth step. Praise yourself

It's best to do this at the end of the day. Look back and appreciate the hours you have lived. Is there anything for which you can be praised? Even if it's a small thing like usual care colleague or lessons learned, then you still need to give vent to your feelings and say how great you are. Believe me, it is not that easy, but try to make it a daily practice.

Sixth step. Start supporting yourself

People very often expect support from other people. Instead, it is enough to say to yourself a couple of times simple words like “You can handle it” or “Be patient a little longer, I believe that you will succeed” and it will really become easier for you. If you start to suffer again due to problems associated with low self-esteem, remember this and say a few encouraging sentences.

Seventh step. Love your negative sides

If the negative aspects cannot be avoided, then simply accept them and love them. For example, if you got an ugly scar from childhood that you can’t get rid of, then instead of crying about it, start admiring it or just make friends. You can even imagine him as your friend and talk sometimes. Just don't go too far.

Eighth step. Start taking care of your body

Join a gym. Learn how to make your skin, hair and nails more attractive. If you are a girl, learn how to apply makeup correctly and so on, you must understand that you look as attractive as possible.

Ninth step. Set yourself up for success

To love yourself, there is nothing easier than having the mindset for success. First thing in the morning, go to the mirror and make sure that this day will go just fine. Determine the upcoming tasks in advance in order to achieve the desired result.

Smile at yourself, rub your hands together in anticipation of the work day and tell yourself that you look amazing. It will take no more than five minutes, but the result will be simply incredible.

Tenth step. Help others

Nothing boosts self-confidence like helping other people. Indeed, no matter what you do, you will begin to feel truly happy only if your emotions are supported good deeds. And it doesn’t matter what kind of help it will be: whether you move your grandmother across the road or send money to help those in need.

On this, perhaps, we can end the article about how to love yourself. If you have any questions, feel free to write them in the comments. You can also write wishes or some other things there. By the way, don't forget to subscribe to comments. Bye bye!