I have already written about the fact that everyone carries within themselves their own need, their own hunger, which is formed as a result of the systematic and long-term leaving of a vulnerable child without critically significant emotional food;
As a result, a person does not know how to feed himself, and does not know how to use a variety of food sources.

Only if we speak metaphorically will a person who has not received breast milk yearn for it, not being able to assimilate and generally recognize other types of food as edible.

In other words, he will not appreciate or notice a single opportunity that life provides, being internally focused exclusively on what is missing.
And he will wait for the person who will provide him with this necessary food.

There is nothing shameful or terrible in this, it is a great tragedy, although most people are very ashamed of their deficit - themselves or as a result of instilled shame (it is a shame to be weak, needy and unable to cope.

When your vulnerability is pushed to the very margins of your awareness of yourself, this is the worst state of affairs, because feeding yourself without knowing (or being embarrassed) that you are hungry becomes an almost impossible task.

On the contrary, most succeed in trying to hide all signs of their emotional need, and they themselves suffer from this, and also torment their loved ones in the unconscious hope of filling the deficit.

Therefore, only awareness, a close look at your need.
And the history of its formation gives at least some chance to consider it, find your own pain points, and first try to protect them in new, more adult ways, and subsequently, recognizing both the need and vulnerability, agree to saturate them - to nourish them.

As a result of long-term work and awareness, you can come to a point where need will no longer “steer” all actions and deeds, forcing you to run away from relationships with people, or persistently demand that these people feed your inner child with breast milk.

In my personal opinion, in order for this to happen, the experience of several partnerships, carried out in analysis, in therapy, is necessary in order to get out of the co-dependence that is so characteristic of our mentality today.

So, if we begin to pay attention to our emotional dependence on a partner - at either pole: is it important to get something from him, or is it important for him to leave alone, and if both are associated with strong feelings of fear and shame? or guilt, then the first step towards freedom has already been taken.

It is worth noting here that everyone’s need is localized in some specific zone of their own that has special significance, and this is always the zone of trauma.

For some, it is extremely important to feel cared for: to hear such questions, to observe such actions towards themselves that will convince them that they want to be taken care of and, therefore, are loved.

“How are you?”, “What’s wrong with you?”, “Why are you sad?” They yearn for basic attention, and therefore they easily “fall for” the corresponding strategy of the partner, even if he once took an interest and showed concern.

It is important for others to be paid attention to, to notice their beauty (uniqueness), and to express this with the words: “I have never met such a Beautiful (Unique) Woman.”
Such people were told that there was nothing special about them, that they were like everyone else or even worse than others.

Still others need recognition of their efforts: “You do so much for us, we are so grateful to You.”
These people were often used as free labor, without noticing the children’s efforts, the desire to please an intolerant parent, or they devalued their efforts in other savage ways...

There are many options for targeted attacks on the image, feeling of oneself - valuable;.
There are people who are a complete wound, a bloody mess; it is especially difficult for them not to fall into “Unearthly Love” or to agree to enter into at least some kind of relationship.

The expectations of what was not received are too great, it is too painful to receive another blow to an old wound...

Awareness of your deficit helps you understand: it depends only on me whether I can do it.
Free yourself from the cursed inheritance or...
I will remain forever in a prison of fear and expectations.

Nothing particularly encouraging on this path:
Neither the disappearance of rose-colored glasses regarding one’s past, nor the need to touch one’s wound while experiencing pain and suffering, nor coming closer to realizing one’s vulnerability and one’s limitations….

Just a thirst for liberation and a strong desire to finally become yourself.
It can support someone who dared to choose this very unpopular for many, very difficult road.
Simultaneously with the awareness of your hunger and how it is localized, you begin to see an acute dependence on how a particular person feeds you (if we are talking about relationships.

... I want him to love me, to care for me - he, to recognize my value - only he, to let me go, to leave me alone - he ....
Only then will I feel important, loved, significant, needed, only then will I feel the joy of life.

…. How long do you need to stay at this point in therapy? How many months?
How many words of resentment and anger must be expressed, how many tears of melancholy and loneliness must be shed?

Again: the more wounds on your soul, the longer, and there’s nothing you can do about it, cry and move on.

You will remember how often you were left alone - without support, without help, how much love you were deprived of, and you will clearly see the connections: how everything repeats itself - now, in the present.
You will see how you continue to lynch yourself, leaving you hungry, and hoping for external compassion.
…….

I can't do this anymore. I'm terribly tired.
- Why are you tired?
- I'm tired of answering for everyone. I need to take care of everyone, organize everyone, I feel guilty when I “Do Nothing”. And even more so, I cannot refuse a single request from my loved ones. I can't bear my own guilt that then arises.
- And when do you respect yourself in such cases?
- When I did everything that was planned, when I was able to help all my relatives.
- What else can you be respected for?
- (Through tears) there is nothing to respect me for anymore! There is nothing valuable in me anymore...
... she does not find anything valuable in herself, recognizing only her functionality ....

She doesn't believe that she can be valued for anything else.

And also she, and also he... many of us.

... she expects that everyone who needs her, whom she, according to the childhood scenario, has “closed” to herself, will someday leave her alone, live their own lives, and set her free.
And she will get the right to her life - without guilt.
….
They won't release you. They don't recognize it. They won't give it.
You will have to win your rights - from your own fear, guilt and shame.
Any right won:
The right to “I don’t want”, the right to “I can’t”, the right to the significance of your experiences, the right to your own choice, etc., pulls you out of the clutches of addiction, adding stability to your inner adult who will support your child in his need.
….
Everyone who has experienced this experience of internal revolution says:
"...It was very scary. Scary that they would be rejected, that they wouldn’t understand.
It's scary to lose loved ones who will see that you are not so good.
It was deathly scary, and at the same time I felt euphoria - that I finally insisted on my own."
... finally agreed with my need.

She said what she thought, and not what they wanted to hear; expressed her feelings, no matter how ridiculous they may seem to others; insisted on her decision, no matter how much she was opposed....

This is how we satisfy it - our need - by acting in accordance with our desires, in accordance with our inner subjectivity, our truth, whatever it may be.

Respecting yourself, appropriating your merits - exactly this way, and no other way.
Acting in accordance with ourselves and our needs is how we feed ourselves.

At this point we are already able to calm the “Remaining” deficit -.
In an emotional connection with another, close person;.
Calm down so much that he no longer steers, does not run “Ahead of the Locomotive”, choosing exactly the one who is capable of giving, and is capable of giving what is needed.
Just like we are chosen by those who need what we give, and not what we are unable to give.
….

...at some point your need stops running ahead of you, you have the ability to wait, even hold it back a little and calm it down.

Your inner child has become convinced that they can take care of him, be on his side, the inner good parent seems to be saying: “I promise that I will feed you. Let’s look around a little, wait, see. Perhaps this food is not good for us.” Now you no longer need others to plug your spiritual wounds; knowing how to feed yourself, you know exactly what you can give and what you want to take.

Veronica Khlebova.

Food is essential for all of us. For some it is a way to satisfy hunger and maintain health and energy, while for others it is a way to kill boredom, relieve stress or alleviate emotional pain.

Emotional hunger is the habit of regularly consuming large amounts of food. This appetite is caused by various feelings, but not by hunger.

Experts estimate that 75% of overeating is caused by emotions. Feelings such as loneliness, boredom, anger, disappointment, depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem can lead to unconscious and uncontrollable overeating.

Fortunately, there are many ways to overcome food addiction. This requires the desire and strength to admit that such a problem exists.

Coping with a lack of emotions is quite simple: you need to add new experiences to your life. Take up a hobby, take a class, or play a group sport. Go outside more often, communicate more with friends and relatives.

If you have a dacha or country house, go there periodically for a change of scenery. Another great way to deal with emotional hunger is to get a pet. It doesn’t matter whether a parrot or a huge dog will be waiting for you at home, the main thing is that this cute creature will love you selflessly.

The more varied activities you add to your life, the faster your emotional hunger will go away.

Emotional hunger in relationships. How to revive your relationship with your loved one

The longer a relationship lasts, the greater the gap between man and woman. Over the events of ordinary life, lovers manage to lose the threads of an emotionally deep connection with each other.

A habit arises of seeing your loved one at home every day, and then a big bell rings, which reminds the spouses that they are gradually ceasing to notice the person they are used to.

As a rule, a man and a woman ignore the sound of the first danger, because there is no time, children, problems, everyday worries, work, everyday life, and now their relationship becomes not the most important thing in life, and the foundation of the relationship and family is giving a big crack.

Why don't men and women hear alarm bells? Why does habit and routine arise? What can you do to make relationships bring happiness, and love to become brighter and deeper every minute?

People cannot hear, see and feel a threat to relationships, because they do a lot out of habit and are in a hurry to live their lives, without giving themselves the opportunity to stop and enjoy the look of a loved one, a moment of happiness from a kiss. Everyone is in a hurry to live, but without giving free rein to their feelings, without relaxing and enjoying every moment of communication.

When was the last time you thought about how you address your man, your woman? Very often, with the birth of children and grandchildren, instead of affectionate addresses to each other, the addresses “Dad”, “Mom”, “Grandfather” and “Grandmother” appear. The roles of “father-mother” and “grandmother-grandfather” are played in relation to their children and grandchildren, but not in relation to their spouse. Logical questions arise: “What happened to me when my son was born and my daughter appeared? Where am I now? What place do I occupy in my life? Why did I put the children between us?” These questions help you begin to understand the causes of emotional hunger.

Stop, give yourself the opportunity to see your partner. You can do an experiment in the morning while you are having breakfast and notice what you are thinking about. About the last night of love or about meetings or plans for the day? Now, when you look at your partner, you think about him or her, or about important things. Yes, you are already thinking about your victories and new emotions!

A person gets used to it because he strives to simplify everything, to make it understandable and known, precisely at the moment when we know that we know it, it ceases to excite our emotions and the feeling of anticipation gradually leaves the relationship.

Our imagination no longer paints bright scenes of love, everyday events occupy our thoughts, we begin to feel a slight feeling of hunger, which every day will grow from little things and over time will turn into an abyss that will be impossible to cross in order to say to ourselves again: “we together".

You can say that love does not live forever, love has left the relationship, but all the words only emphasize that the man and woman missed alarm bells and became strangers to each other. One of the famous philosophers said that the one who walks masters the road, and so it is in relationships. You can follow your thoughts and emotions to find answers to deep questions that you didn’t want to think about before.

The first step to reviving a relationship can be called “five minutes”; take 5 minutes of time in the morning or evening to relax and look at your partner from the depths of yourself, see his strengths and bright sides that attract you to him (her). You will feel how new images and new feelings are born inside you that satisfy your emotional hunger. Perhaps you now do not see attractive sides in your partner, then continue the sentence “I live with this person because..”. The resulting list of phrase continuations will help you understand what connects you with your partner and what you lack in the relationship. Just don’t immediately start blaming the other party for the fact that he or she has changed and everything has gone away; it is important to find a way out of this situation, realizing that you have also changed and your needs and desires have expanded.

The second step to reviving the relationship is to answer the question of what am I ready or willing to do for our relationship. The answer is to shed even deeper light on the emerging chasm and the prospects for the relationship. Just don’t need to idealize - “That’s it!” It is impossible to do everything, but you will only be able to do what is within your power.

Harry Chapman's books “The Five Love Languages” and “The Five Languages ​​in Which You Ask for Forgiveness” will be your third step towards reviving and restoring your relationship. Books will help you understand yourself and your partner in order to create and strengthen your soul connection.

The next step is to diversify your emotions, find new ideas or create new events where the two of you will experience new emotions. It has long been known that if you feed a person black caviar all the time, one day he will ask for bread. Do something nice for yourself and your loved one today. Write an SMS message, letter or postcard with words of tenderness and passion. Send a bouquet of flowers for no special occasion. Book a table for two. Arrange a weekend getaway. It depends only on you what you will do to rediscover love and new emotions. Spontaneity helps to diversify emotions.

Remember, give your partner time to feel new emotions; perhaps he will not immediately respond to your attempts and steps towards meeting him.

Each next step will be either “from the relationship” or “for the relationship”.
Only you determine what you do for yourself and your relationship, and what you allow your partner to do for your relationship.

And let the whole world wait while you enjoy!

What to do with emotional hunger. 6 Signs of Emotional Hunger

1. As a rule, emotional hunger occurs suddenly. It often occurs against a background of increased stress and anxiety.

   Don't eat stress

2. The localization of such hunger does not occur in the abdomen, but slightly higher at the level of the chest.
3. Emotional hunger is not tied to a feeling of real satiety. You can eat, and after a while you feel very hungry again, as if you had not eaten anything.
4. I want to console myself, eat away my stress and eat something completely unhealthy. Pie, chocolate, cookies, chips.
5. Emotional hunger does not go away after eating. You have just eaten a hearty meal, but it still feels like something is still missing and you want to continue eating.
6. After you have eaten, you are left with a feeling of guilt, you begin to scold yourself for slipping again.

How to deal with emotional hunger?

Food for humans is one of the brightest sources of pleasure. And we all want to have fun again and again, which leads to constant snacking anywhere and anytime. Most people have already forgotten what natural, real hunger is, because they have become emotionally dependent on food. How can you tell these things apart?

What is emotional and physiological hunger?

1. If you are really hungry, you will eat anything. If emotions are to blame, then you will want something specific, for example, chocolate, ice cream, pizza and other “harmful” things.

2. Real hunger appears only if the stomach is completely empty. Emotional hunger does not depend on this; it can appear immediately after breakfast or lunch.

3. In most cases, emotional hunger can be tolerated; physical hunger requires immediate food intake.

4. Real hunger can be satisfied quite quickly - approximately 8 minutes after eating you will feel full. Satisfaction of emotional hunger will take a much longer time.

5. “Emotional gluttony” leaves behind a feeling of guilt - for the cost and quantity of food eaten, for excess weight or centimeters on the waist. Satisfying your normal hunger will only leave you feeling satisfied.

6. Physiological hunger almost always appears at certain time intervals. Emotional hunger can strike suddenly.

7. When you are truly hungry, you stop after you are full. Emotional hunger can force you to continue eating.

8. With physiological hunger, a person wants simple food: porridge, bread, tomato. If it’s emotional, it’s complex food that took quite a long time to prepare, for example, cake, sausage. Remember historical facts: during times of famine, people asked for bread, not cakes.

How to overcome emotional dependence on food?

It is simply necessary to fight emotional hunger. It will be difficult, but only the first couple of weeks, after which the body will begin to get used to it.

1. First of all, learn to recognize physiological hunger.

2. Take a break from obsessive thoughts about snacking: talk with friends, watch a movie, take a walk, do some spring cleaning, find yourself a hobby, clear out your closet.

3. Keep a notebook in which you record meal times, as well as the foods and dishes you ate.

4. If you really want to eat something harmful, then promise to do it, but only eat three “healthy” foods. For example, before eating your favorite cake, eat a carrot, apple and cucumber. Usually such a small amount of food is enough to satisfy physiological hunger, if that is what you felt. It will become much easier to cope with cravings for treats.

5. Healthy sleep is a necessary condition for quitting “emotional gluttons.” Scientists have proven that insomnia increases the feeling of hunger because it reduces the level of the hormone leptin, which signals the brain about satiety and regulates appetite.

6. Develop a diet that is convenient for you and stick to it, ruthlessly stopping attempts to eat outside of your schedule.

7. Fight stress, since it is in a restless state that people cease to control the amount of food they consume. In addition, stressful situations increase the amount of the hormone cortisol, which causes a physiological need for sweet and salty foods.

8. Fasting days help cope with emotional dependence on food; by practicing them at least once every couple of weeks, you will notice that you have become less dependent on treats.

In psychology, emotional dullness (affective impoverishment) is usually called a special state of the psyche, characterized by the disappearance of higher emotions (such as gratitude, respect, tolerance, delicacy, shame, conscience). Such experiences are common to all healthy people and manifest themselves to varying degrees.

Emotional impoverishment in itself is not a disease, but is present as a symptom in the structure of the clinical picture of many pathologies.

You've probably ever noticed an adult acting immaturely and wondered what the hell happened to that person when he starts acting rationally and maturely! This is a paradox because emotional maturity is not related to physical maturity, these two phenomena are different poles. Emotional maturity does not increase with your chronological age and means that no matter your age, your emotional maturity is not guaranteed. Emotionally mature people, sensible people who take full control of their lives. To put it mildly, they do not whine or look for someone to blame, but think about their lives and the role they play in the lives of other people. Emotionally mature people don't make excuses. Every emotion that emotionally mature people show is real.
They do not try to complicate their own or other people's lives. Suffice it to say that emotionally mature people lead well-ordered lives because of their healthy outlook on life. Emotional maturity has many different levels. Its initial level includes awareness of one's influence on one's own life and responsibility for it, and not blaming others for one's failures. Next, the person begins to become honest with his emotions, not by projecting idealistic emotions, but by being confident in expressing real emotions. Then the person goes upward in the direction of achieving final emotional maturity, the person becomes emotionally open and does not suppress his feelings. The next level is to make the task emotionally decisive, which can be achieved by respecting one's own feelings. And finally, reaching a level of emotional detachment, which is a direct consequence of truly understanding emotions, therefore letting go of all emotions, be they good or bad. Leaving you feeling satisfied and happy. Let's explore the concept of emotional maturity by learning more about its traits and ways to work on it.

What is emotional intelligence?

Emotional intelligence (EQ) is responsible for recognizing and correctly interpreting emotions. It is he who gives a person psychological flexibility and the ability to effectively interact with the world around him.

That is why the concept of “emotional intelligence” was first voiced in relation to career building and self-realization. However, psychologists immediately grasped the infantile subtext in this, because the fundamental development of personality occurs precisely in childhood.

For a child, the development of EQ is an opportunity to create an established and understandable system of perception that will allow you to effectively interact with people around you, correctly perceive criticism, recognize the feelings of adults and peers and adequately respond to them.

Aggression, apathy, poor sleep, absent-mindedness, inability to establish contacts with peers and other alarming manifestations in a child’s behavior are obvious signals that indicate the need to develop emotional intelligence.

Videos emotional hunger

Why does emotional hunger occur?

The cause of emotional hunger is the lack of positive emotions in life. Everyday life, the monotony of life and the situation when you can plan your day to the last detail tomorrow, Saturday and next Monday, makes any person depressed. And, even though there is no depressive state as such yet, the brain is trying to make up for this deep-seated dissatisfaction. The first available method is food.

If the problem of emotional hunger is inherent in you, follow the following tips.

Create positive moments in your life every day

In fact, it is very difficult to escape somewhere from a measured and familiar life. Yes, and there is nothing wrong with it. You just need to dilute your monotony. Create pleasant moments for yourself every day. It could be your favorite music right after waking up, a warm bath after a working day, an evening walk with your loved one, yoga by candlelight - it doesn’t matter. The main thing is to create for yourself every day an environment that makes you happy.

Hobby

Hobby is a cure for many diseases. Emotional hunger is no exception. Think about what you like. What dreams did you want to realize, but you didn’t have enough time for them? Do something you've been putting off for a long time. You should devote 2 evenings a week to something that gives you pleasure.

Read blogs

Choose several beautiful blogs on your favorite topics. And every time you want a piece of cake to put you in the mood, look at the beautiful pictures and descriptions. It's calming. Just as effective is viewing beautiful photographs of travelers.

Don't think about bad things

This is a difficult tip to implement. But you can try. As soon as a negative thought appears in your head, look at beautiful pictures. It helps.

Meditate

Meditation is a great way to learn to relax and leave all the negativity somewhere very far away. When you learn to truly relax, your internal disorders will begin to disappear.

Conclusion

To satisfy your emotional hunger, it is important to feel that life is full of a variety of emotions, more vivid than just the taste of food. Let them into your life, let them seethe and give you pleasure. As a result, you will forever forget about emotional hunger, and therefore, most of the extra pounds.

“In a person who does not restrain himself (cannot control his need for food), vata and other doshas suddenly become agitated together, and, connecting with ama, lead to illnesses” - Ashtanga Hridaya Samhita (2-8-4-5 )

The connection between the state of mind and the digestive process has long been reflected in the classical texts of Ayurveda. From these sources it can be understood that the emotional state of the mind has a strong impact on the digestive process and human health.

Ayurveda places great emphasis on the conditions and state in which a person takes food, it calls for being attentive to where he eats, in what company he eats, what is the state of mind while eating and not to forget about what he is eating .

Being in a good mood, a person most often chooses blissful food: dairy products, fruits, vegetable salads, etc. But in other states, preferences change: when he becomes sad, he may want sweets, when he becomes bored, then a desire for something also arises. something delicious.

Food is not only a means of filling our stomach, but often also something that satisfies our senses.

This situation, when food satisfies emotions, and not the naturally occurring physical feeling of hunger, is called emotional hunger. Emotional and physical hunger can feel exactly the same until we learn to differentiate them.

Obviously, eating under the influence of emotions has different reasons than ordinary hunger. Instead of internal physiological processes that prompt food, emotional hunger has a different origin - a restless mind. A disharmonious consciousness often creates problems in life, including affecting health. The mind is sometimes compared to a wild horse that carries its rider in an uncontrolled direction. Only by learning to take control of the mind can we be full masters of our lives.

Therefore, when we have a desire to eat, we need to look at the reason for our hunger: perhaps it could be that very emotional hunger, which is not based on real physiological needs.

So, what are the signs of emotional hunger, and how does it differ from physiological hunger?

• It is important to understand that emotional hunger always arises suddenly, and physical hunger awakens gradually throughout the day.
• When we eat to satisfy a need that is not actually related to an empty stomach, we often choose specific foods: chocolate, baked goods, ice cream, pizza, chips, fermented foods, foods with strong flavors; and only such food will satisfy our desire in this case. When we eat simply because we are truly hungry, we are willing to consider different food options.
• To neutralize a certain psychological state, emotional hunger requires immediate satisfaction with the food for which the desire appeared at that moment. A person can control physiological hunger.
• Most often, emotional anger occurs due to some kind of emotional disorder, stress, or a state of need for certain feelings. Physiological hunger is generated by real physical needs; with severe hunger, a person may experience slight dizziness or a decrease in physical energy.
• Emotional hunger is often accompanied by unconscious consumption of food, and at this time a person is not always aware of the quantity and quality of food eaten. Physiological hunger is associated with making meaningful food choices and mindful eating. When eating properly, a person is aware of and monitors the taste of food, as well as how he eats and what he eats, he is able to consciously choose whether to eat a whole portion or just a portion.
• With emotional hunger, even if a person is already full, he can still continue to eat. When a person eats because he is really hungry, it is easier for him to stop, since he can control this process.
• When we eat to please our emotions, we often feel guilty while eating. This does not happen with natural food intake.

These are signs of emotional hunger. From the point of view of Ayurveda, disorders that cause emotional hunger are caused by imbalances of prana-vata (a type of vata) and sadhaka-pitta (a type of pitta) in the body.

• Prana Vata is located in the human head, this type of Vata is associated with our emotions. Violation of prana-vata leads to anxiety, insomnia, and changeable mood.
• Sadhaka Pitta is located in the human heart and is responsible for psychic energy, concentration, and will. An imbalance of sadhaka pitta leads to corresponding imbalances.

Problems of emotional imbalance can be solved using special techniques aimed at balancing the mind and developing certain control skills.

First of all, the mind must learn to go into a state of peace, regardless of the emotions experienced. The most relevant way to achieve harmony in the mind is meditation. Proper meditation helps free the mind and heart from accumulated tension and develops the ability to restore a natural state of calm and tranquility, resist stress, increasing the quality of a person’s awareness. Regular practice processes emotional stress and helps prevent depression. Having gained control over the mind, a person gets the opportunity to make the right choices in life, be it a choice in society or a choice of food.

The next way to put your consciousness in order is to practice pranayama. The word “pranayama” itself shows that it is a technique that balances the prana energy in the body. Pranayama balances emotions and strengthens vitality. Pranayama itself is an excellent preparatory practice for meditation.

Another important step towards emotional health and preventing emotional hunger is the correct daily routine. Compliance with the regime is important not only for accustoming the body to eating according to a schedule, but also for emotional well-being. Going to bed on time (before 10 pm) creates deep, restful sleep that truly refreshes the body and mind. Eating according to a set schedule establishes the right habits, leading to regulated digestion and regular elimination of toxins. Getting up early (before 6:30) ensures a fresh mind and good mood throughout the day.

Thus, emotional hunger, like any problem of a psychological nature, can be solved with the help of conscious choice and the right techniques.

Article prepared by Ekaterina Kuzminova

Every person periodically feels hungry - this is a natural reaction of the body. And every person has their favorite dishes and products. Scientists have proven that different people perceive the same taste in their own way.

Marina Golubtsova:“Hunger is the need for food, it is felt by the body as a gradual increase in discomfort in the stomach. Usually we clearly know what we want to eat, and after eating we experience a surge of energy. This means that your relationship with food is harmonious.”

But it also happens that you want to urgently eat something tasty. Psychologists advise at this moment, without delay, to ask yourself the question: am I really hungry? Or maybe you just want to “chew” a problem or an unpleasant situation.

Marina Golubtsova: “Hungry people are usually not selective in their choice of food and agree to almost everything. But if you find yourself standing in front of the refrigerator in confusion again and again, most likely it’s about emotional hunger.”

This type of hunger has no connection with satiety. It is generated by thoughts in the head that are directly related to our sensations and emotional states.

Marina Golubtsova: “Emotional hunger is harder to endure than normal hunger. It is associated with our unconscious emotions and sensations. At the same time, it can easily be confused with physiological, but there are signs that will help you distinguish one condition from another.”

6 habits that lead to emotional hunger

You give yourself (your strength, emotions, time) to other people too often

Excessive giving to others with a subconscious desire to be needed and useful to others is a kind of emotional insurance (emotional thirst). However, such constant "availability" can deplete the emotional reserves of any person. Assessing your personal needs and desires will help you gain strength and reduce emotional hunger.

Seeking approval for words spoken, actions taken, and decisions made

The search for constant approval is a hallmark of people prone to emotional hunger.

You are constantly trying to determine what other people like and want. You want to adapt to this in order to create and maintain a connection with them. If so, you are most likely stressing yourself out. Don’t think, don’t overthink it, just ask the other person what he needs. Perhaps your participation is not needed at all at the moment. Exhale and take care of yourself.

You value social status too much

Emotionally hungry people may become overly attached to people who have high social status. For a hungry person, the “stars” become the center of the universe, and he spins in their orbit, thereby allegedly gaining access to another, more significant level of life. Unfortunately, the number of friends does not affect the feeling of loneliness. Finding ways to boost your self-esteem in this way can become dangerous and even toxic.

You have sex to feel alive

A person experiencing emotional hunger may seek “nutrition” by avoiding serious emotions and replacing these feelings with intense sensations. He strives to feel alive in any way, including through sex. In this case, sex becomes confirmation that another person can and wants to spend time and energy on a starving person. Endorphins are mixed in with this and everything becomes wonderful, but not for long and often erroneously. If you find that sex dulls your emotional pain, it's a sign that it's time to examine your emotional needs. You don't have to give up sex, you just need to explore your needs and desires and calm your feelings in a healthier way.

You can't agree to the end of the relationship

For a hungry person, the prospect of being alone can be especially daunting. To avoid feelings of loneliness, he may end up taking rash steps to fill the emotional and scary emptiness.

An emotionally hungry person is unable to accept his partner’s desire to separate. He may behave irrationally. Then you no longer need a cake, but a psychologist!

You do not recognize other people's boundaries

Because you so often seek other people's emotional support and approval, you find it difficult to respect other people's boundaries. Accepting them is one way to avoid emotional hunger.

You look for the same - emotionally hungry people and become attached to them

Emotional hunger is always associated with self-reflection. Take a closer look at your surroundings. Your social circle affects how you feel. If you are surrounded by emotionally hungry people, you will most likely find yourself in the same situation. Having found support from the outside - from confident and not hungry individuals, you can stop starving.

How to understand that you are overtaken by emotional hunger

• Emotional hunger appears suddenly as a persistent impulse. Unlike physical hunger, which comes gradually and is not associated with an acute desire for immediate gratification.
• Emotional hunger forces you to turn to certain types of “comforting” foods - fatty foods or sweets. There comes a feeling that it is simply impossible to do without something specific now. The brain demands chocolate, hamburger, ice cream, pizza...
• Emotional hunger often leads to mindless eating. You wake up and have already eaten half a cake, a bag of chips or a whole pack of ice cream.
• Emotional hunger is not satisfied when you are full. You continue to crave food, often eating more than you would like.
• Emotional hunger often leads to regret, guilt, or shame.

How to deal with emotional hunger

• Take care of yourself and monitor your stress levels. In a situation of prolonged, constant stress, the hormone cortisol can cause the need for salty, sweet, and fatty foods. The bright taste gives a feeling of energy and pleasure. The more uncontrollable the stress situation, the more chaotic food cravings become.
• Be sensitive to yourself, notice your feelings and experiences. Eating is often a way to temporarily drown out unpleasant emotions such as anger, fear, sadness, anxiety, loneliness, resentment, shame. Understanding true needs leads to the search for other opportunities to satisfy them - through communication, creativity, sports.
• Monitor the state when you want to “fill” yourself with food in exchange for inner emptiness, feelings of loneliness, devastation or boredom. Food can only briefly brighten up dissatisfaction with life. Fill yourself with new knowledge, emotions, sensations. Travel!

SUBSCRIBER'S LETTER

"Background. I had no problems making acquaintances. Men were willing to make contact and develop relationships. I, as they say, do not “run” after them, I behave naturally and do not forget about female dignity. It happened that men lost their heads already with first meetings. BUT... up to a certain point. And these were the moments.

I, inspired by my luck and the man’s disposition towards me, still at the 1st stage of rapprochement (so to speak, the beginning...) open my soul to him. This is expressed, for example, in the fact that I tell a lot about myself. This is how I express the feelings I feel. Once I said a few days after the first “wedding” night that “no one is more precious than you”... Then I see the typical reaction of men - closing and turning away.

Question: A woman must always keep a man in the dark about what she thinks about him, what she feels for him, and at a certain distance? But then the man... I see around me how women simply actively call, invite, call, set tables, etc. And the men go and stay with them. And I’m alone... I still don’t understand what I’m doing WRONG? Thank you".

Good luck to you! Best regards, Diana.

"Even at the 1st stage of rapprochement (the beginning, so to speak), I open my soul to him. This is expressed, for example, in the fact that I tell something a lot about myself. I thereby express the feelings that I experience. I said it once a few days after 1 -th “wedding” night, that “there is no one more precious than you...”

Diana, your emotional hunger is off the charts, that’s why you behave this way with a man.

Where does emotional hunger come from and how to deal with it?

I'll tell you with an example.

When I first met my husband Oleg, he didn’t have an overabundance of my attention... For example, he calls me in the evening and asks what are you doing?

I answer him: “I’m drawing an axe,” - I was learning to draw still lifes, with axes and irons.

Plus, I had some other books for the evening (back then they used the library instead of the Internet), and I had two more pieces of fabric lying around, and a woman always has a strong desire to put on something new and go show off her outfits. Well, isn’t it a sin not to learn to sew for yourself?

"... A woman must ALL THE TIME keep a man in the dark about what she thinks about him, what she feels for him, and at a certain distance?.."

No, a woman should be sincere with a man, and you can tell him everything about everything. It’s just that when you don’t experience emotional hunger, you’re not so fixated on relationships and a man, so you won’t tell him about how dear he is to you, but about how great you live. And these are fundamentally different things. Again, there will still be a certain distance. Because besides a man, a woman still has a lot of other pleasant things to do.

I had many different girlfriends at that time. So, some of them sat at home in the evenings, drank tea and talked about men. And they were sad because they had been missing boyfriends for two weeks now. Where does women get such a strong “obsession” with relationships and falling in love? Just from there.

If you have nothing to do, life will be boring. Here’s a girl like this, she’s getting on, she doesn’t know what to do. In a semi-depressive and apathetic mood. And then HE appears on the horizon!!!

Of course, he will immediately become for her that very ray of light in the darkness of her endless, semi-depressive, apathetic life. And she, of course, will tell him about it. Even if not with direct words, then at least with your actions.

If a girl’s life is boring, if she doesn’t have high goals and aspirations (from which, as we know, enthusiasm is born), she will be connected to a maximum of destructive channels. Hence the apathy from life. And after a man appears, she connects to the “Let’s Get Romantic” channel – and she gets a kick out of it.

But there’s nothing else to do! Here she sits in the evening, dreaming of romance, looking at the phone when he calls. And then he calls her!

And she is already ready, she is firmly attached to the relationship: she is given to him for life and will be faithful to him forever... She fell head over heels in love... Which means she begins to annoy the man with her hyperattention. He eventually gets scared - and turns away.

Because it’s obvious to a man: if a girl has a crush on him so much, she will then begin to demand that he spend all his time with her, force him to show maximum attention to her, talk to her constantly, etc. Why? Because she lives an emotionally hungry life, and she will strive to fill her hunger with a man. That is, it turns out that the man will have to completely abandon himself and his life and begin to serve her entirely. Why does he need such happiness? After all, it is obvious that later complaints and discontent will begin (try to serve, you still won’t get promoted), jealousy will appear towards everything, even towards his friends and entertainment like: “There’s no point in sawing with a jigsaw, and playing football with friends! me - just sit here with me, otherwise I love you and I’m bored!” And not life will begin for the man, but hard labor.

A normal guy feels this, and that’s why he runs away.

Only an equally emotionally hungry, semi-depressive, apathetic guy could become interested in such a girl.

A girl who knows this problem in person has a complete list of ways to fill her life with emotional hunger. She is involved in charity work, because by helping other people, you save yourself. She has a large number of productive hobbies that can bring her maximum emotions of joy. She lives an interested life.

Plus, she has the education of an “Enviable Bride”, and loves to please men. She loves to communicate with them and is conscious about the process of choosing a groom and husband for herself. She doesn’t need to immediately fall for a man, this is a game for her – “choose the best” – and she can be treated with humor. Why get seriously attached to a relationship right away? You’re looking for a husband, so it’s important to keep your distance at first.

Yes, of course, sex with a man gives a woman a hundred times more pleasure and impressions than the man himself. But he is not the whole meaning of life for her (because she has many other meanings of life, pleasures and joys). Therefore, the man will not immediately become the most dear to her. Why would that be?

When he builds her a house, plants a tree and gives birth to a son - then, of course, he can be called the dearest and dearest. There is a reason. And the husband himself will appreciate his wife’s words.

Diana, a woman does not need to play some games, hiding something from men, or not telling them something, or, on the contrary, running after them. She needs to have the necessary education on how to properly arrange her life in order to please the best men.

It is important to understand that the modern education system does not teach this to women. Hence the problems. Girls, because of their emotional hunger, marry dunces, and then suffer greatly. It is important to understand this and educate yourself independently. You need to learn to understand your mental structure, as well as the psychology of men, then there will be no problems.

Oksana Duplyakina