Hello!
Briefly the essence of the problem:
My son is 22 years old, a student, does not have a regular income, but he has an “unhealthy hobby” - slot machines. We, parents, know this for sure. He himself admitted this to us. The money we give for travel or small purchases up to 1 thousand; gifts from relatives in cash; if someone asks to transfer money; he can take it from his grandmother without asking, everything is played on the machines. Then he starts lying that he lent it to someone. Borrows from friends rather than giving. They call us, we have to pay. Conversations with him give small results, for 2-3 months. He is trying to work temporarily, but we haven’t seen any money earned, he doesn’t buy anything for himself. He swore to us more than once that there would be no more. We convince you that there are more interesting things to do in life, you need to get a profession, get a job, be independent and not depend on your parents. We give examples that all his friends study, take life seriously and do not deceive their parents, and most importantly, themselves. This has already been going on for 2 years. He swore to us that he would not play again, but, alas... Is it possible to free a person from gambling addiction? And how should we behave so as not to worsen the situation?

Answers from psychologists:

Hello, Sergey!
It is impossible to remain indifferent while reading your letter. I hear the worries, and perhaps the pain, of parents who are trying to help their child.

Your son really has a serious problem. Experts treat gambling addiction the same way as other addictions - alcoholism, drug addiction. Game addiction (gambling, gambling addiction, gambling addiction) was identified as an independent disease quite recently.

While there are serious developments and proven methods of correction in the treatment of drug addiction and alcoholism, gambling addiction is just developing its arsenal of help.

Why the disease? Experts see the disease in those who cannot stop, even when losing. What do you do if the goal is not achieved? You recognize this fact, draw conclusions, and begin to look for other ways to solve the problem. And the player continues to play. He doesn't have the strength to stop, he loses what little he has. The excitement experienced in the game is too powerful a force; it requires constant, ever-increasing sacrifices. If the excitement is not “fed” with more and more risk, higher stakes, the game ceases to bring that excitement and satisfaction, and an emotional emptiness arises.

Independent attempts to quit addiction can increase the feeling of anxiety and tension, which maintains an irresistible craving and passes when the person returns to his usual activity - gaming. A vicious circle arises.
The main symptoms of gambling addiction are:

• absorption, preoccupation with the game (memories of past games, planning future bets, thoughts about how to find money for the next game);
• nervousness and excitement during the game, increasing bets to increase excitement;
• inability to interrupt the game as long as there is cash;
• experiencing anxiety or irritation when it is necessary to limit bets or stop the game;
• using games as a means to get rid of unpleasant experiences;
• attempts to win back the day after a loss;
• lies and attempts to rationally justify one’s behavior in order to hide the true degree of one’s involvement in the game;
• using illegal methods of obtaining money (forgery, deception, theft or embezzlement) to continue the game;
• deterioration of relationships at work, in the family, with friends;
• borrowing money from others to pay off existing debts caused by gambling.

Sergey, in your situation you need to contact a specialist, a psychologist-psychotherapist. If we talk about professional help, it has its own nuances. This is not drug therapy (injections, pills, etc.). The treatment itself is multi-stage, from 5 to 12 steps. When treating other forms of addiction, the 12 step model is used.

At the first stage of treatment for gaming addiction, it is necessary for all interested parties (relatives, relatives, friends) to clearly understand that gaming addiction is a disease. During the recovery period, the client needs certain restrictions, in this case, primarily financial (not to give or borrow money, not to pay off debts, not to provoke a frivolous attitude towards money and valuables).

At the second stage of treatment for gambling addiction, a contract is concluded between the addict himself and a specialist who is ready to help him. On the part of the player, this means recognition of the fact that he himself is not able to cope with this problem (this recognition is always accompanied by numerous unsuccessful attempts to cope) and his willingness to follow the recommendations of professionals. On the part of the specialist, the contract means the presence of knowledge, skills, abilities and experience in working with addiction and the willingness to use them to treat the gambling addiction of this particular person.

At the third stage of treatment for gambling addiction, the player, under the guidance of a specialist, works through his experience, realizes and accepts all the destructive consequences that the addiction has led to, thereby strengthening the desire not to return to the past. At this stage, the needs that are satisfied by the game are explored. At the same time, he masters new ways of behavior in situations that were previously clearly associated with the game. Also, the client, together with a specialist, works to increase self-esteem, self-confidence, and also develop the ability to rely on their internal resources.

At the fourth stage of treatment for gambling addiction, problems that arose in the family, with friends, and colleagues as a result of gambling addiction are worked through. Much needs to be restored or recreated. It is also necessary to develop a social rehabilitation plan.

And at the end of the process of treating gambling addiction, at the fifth stage, the player, with the help of specialists, draws up and subsequently implements a post-treatment recovery plan, relying on his own, as well as all possible external resources.

I hope I somehow helped answer your questions. In my understanding, the only way to make the situation worse is to avoid professional help. It will be most useful to convince your son to see a specialist. To talk with your son, you will have to prepare, understand what you want from this conversation, what are you afraid of? You've already tried a lot, and it's bearing fruit. Your son leaves the game for 2-3 months, i.e. he has the resources to stop playing. In a conversation, it is important to rely on resources; reproaches can provoke resistance. If you know that the conversation is going to be difficult, then take care of yourself, find something that will support you in difficult moments.

I wish you patience and good luck!

Problem area:

Addiction and codependency

Four years ago, Victor stopped going to casinos and slot machine halls. But liberation was not easy for him. At first, he did not carry with him amounts larger than 5 thousand rubles in small bills, and reluctantly walked past gambling establishments. Three times he almost fell into the trap again when his consciousness turned off and his legs carried themselves to play. About the terrible power of gambling addiction and methods of combating it with herwill be discussed in our material.

Finding a gambling addict in Minsk who has achieved long-term remission turned out to be difficult. Based on the experience of the founder of several public organizations to combat addiction, Doctor of Psychology Vladimir Ivanov, the passion for the game is no less strong than for drugs or alcohol.

First time at the casino - and immediately win big

The first time Victor found himself in a casino was 12 years ago. At that time he was 36 years old. He separated from his wife, rented an apartment in Minsk and owned his own small wholesale business.

As I remember now, it was a casino in Orbit. I was at a friend's birthday party. I went out late, it was about 12 o’clock, and all the establishments nearby were closed. I decided to go to the casino and have a beer or coffee. I didn't even know how to play then. I bought one chip, I remember it was a red one, I put it on and I was like playing. They already started explaining to me what and how. I also had to go buy chips, and then, for the first time, I won a lot. I came to the casino at 12 at night, and left there by one or two the next day. You could say I became a player the first time.

According to psychotherapist Vladimir Ivanov, the winning phase is present in almost all stories of gambling addicts. They remember this state of euphoria and then try to repeat it throughout their lives. Not everyone succeeds. Debts can reach hundreds of thousands of dollars. A debt of 5-10 thousand dollars is common for such a person.

Escaping reality: “I could sleep in the basement, it doesn’t matter where. The main thing is to play”

Unlike many, Victor is a sensible gambler (he does not talk about his addiction in the past tense, because he considers the disease incurable). For some time he continued to visit the casino from time to time, but after losing a thousand dollars one day, he realized that at this rate he would not have enough money for long. Switched to lower bets in slot machine halls. Very soon he began going there on schedule - every other day.

The effect was the same as from a casino. You escape from reality, from all problems. There are no thoughts about what is going on in your life. He could hang out there for more than a day. Moreover, you avoid problems not only when you play. But even after that, you go and think about how best to beat the machine, how to press this button, maybe faster or slower.

If you saw how I lived... I came in the morning, slept sitting next to the closet, everything was a mess, nothing mattered to me. I was living with an alcoholic at the time, but it didn’t matter to me. She drinks and I play. We had such a tandem, and I didn’t think about anything. I could sleep in the basement, it doesn't matter where. The main thing is to play.

Money is not a goal, but only a means

Victor says that he initially did not go to the slot machine hall for money. This is one of the most common misconceptions regarding gambling addiction. The entrepreneur played sparingly. He gave all financial matters to his sister, who from time to time allocated money for him to play. He took 50-100 thousand with him and played until he lost them.

- If I won, it was even worse. You are happy about this, but you yourself understand that you still have to lose this money. Sometimes I even managed to leave money for tomorrow. But there were also moments of shortage, when you came and the money immediately ran out. I started calling my debtors or borrowed money myself. Then my sister returned this money from my cash register. Sometimes I “stole” money from myself. I knew where my sister kept the cash register and could carefully steal the required amount from it.

Gamblers often explain their addiction by the need to repay debts: “I have to pay back the money, but where can I get it? So I have to go and try to recoup it.” Victor believes that this is self-deception. He rarely owed money to people, but just like everyone else, he felt an irresistible desire to play. At that time, he had all the symptoms of gambling addiction, but the man did not even know about the existence of one. One day he went to an alcoholics forum with his common-law wife, and only there did he first hear about gambling addiction. It took another three years to realize the problem.

I even quit several times and didn’t play for about a month. I concluded that everything was fine with me, I couldn’t play for a month! And he started again.

The first step is to recognize the problem

One day, again thanks to a woman suffering from alcoholism, Victor learned about the therapeutic community "Ark". Mostly alcoholics gathered at self-help groups. But the main principles of combating addiction were also applicable to gambling addiction. Our hero went to self-help groups every evening for a year. During this time he missed only 2 days.

The most important thing in the fight against addiction is awareness of the problem. And then - a long study and compliance with “safety precautions”. For example, for a whole year I tried not to be near gambling establishments. I did not carry money with me except for travel. I asked my sister to give me 5 thousand rubles a day - in thousandth bills, because the machine did not accept thousands. I lived like this for a whole year, then gradually added more. Now I already freely carry money with me. I didn’t drink alcohol for a year so as not to crash at the game. By the way, this was very easy for me - I am not dependent on alcohol. I communicated daily in the group and read a lot of literature on the topic. I took the same 12 steps to combat alcohol and substituted a game instead.

On the brink of collapse: “My legs carried me to play”

For the first year, Victor experienced real withdrawal, like drug addicts. The desire to play was so strong that it did not even reach a conscious level. Our hero learned to track it only after two years of remission. At first, my legs carried me to the slot machines. Three times Victor was on the verge of a breakdown.

“One day I walked past Orbit and couldn’t control myself. I argued with myself, talked and somehow miraculously managed to overcome the desire and go home. Another time a phone call helped me. I practically passed out, realized that I needed to go play right now, but decided that I would hold out for at least an hour (that’s what we were taught in the group), then 20 minutes, and then they called me. And I regained consciousness. The third time I was pushed, I instantly thought, “Where am I going?” And I went to play. The withdrawal was severe: I felt sick and turned inside out.

It's impossible to cope alone

Self-analysis helped Victor to hold on. He associated fear, anxiety, and ailments with the desire to play. And everything went by itself. Now he is trying to analyze his feelings. If your soul is anxious, it means it is connected with some problem. It must either be resolved or let go if nothing can be done. Today, the man says, he has replaced the game with real life. Over the past 4 years, many events have happened to him, many of which are not the most pleasant, but this is real life, the hero believes. He broke up with the drinking woman because there was nothing connecting them. And over time, he learned to pass by gambling establishments calmly, but tries not to forget about that lost time.

There is indifference, but I don’t want to forget about all this, otherwise I might get caught again. I compressed those 7 years into one day. I “lost” them and became terribly degraded. It will take me a long time to recover. The main conclusion that I made for myself: I cannot cope with this problem alone. Saying “no” to yourself in such cases is simply unrealistic.

Over the years of rehabilitation, Victor has seen many gambling addicts. Most of them lasted for a couple of months. The man could not name the names of other players in remission. “If we take them somewhere to the countryside, then maybe. There are gaming establishments everywhere in the city.”

The main problem is not in the casinos, but in the slot machine halls

Psychotherapist Vladimir Ivanov is convinced that gambling addiction is an introduced, artificially imposed addiction on our people.

There has never been a game in Belarus, they drank, yes, but there was no game. My sincere conviction is that today the main problem is not even in the casinos, where mostly rich people have fun, but in the slot machine halls. After all, everyone goes there: schoolchildren, pensioners. In the regions, as soon as pension day, there is a line of pensioners at the slot machine halls. It's affordable, and it's sucking ordinary people out of their hard-earned money. As the players told me: “I want to quit gambling, but I can’t even walk home, because there are these slot machines on every corner, illuminated signs everywhere.” This is the main problem, but it is not yet possible to solve it.

2 Symptoms of Addiction: Pathological Craving and Loss of Control

Gambling addiction itself, according to Vladimir Ivanov, is not much different from other addictions. The irritants may be different, but the body's reaction will always be the same. The specialist identifies two main symptoms of all addictions: pathological attraction and loss of control. The pathology lies in the fact that a person, faced with great difficulties, still cannot stop.

A young man and his wife wanted to buy an apartment. He lost a thousand dollars. After this, a normal person will no longer go to play. After all, everyone knows that gaming establishments do not operate at a loss. But the player has a completely different reaction: he assumes that all the bad things are in the past, and only good things are ahead. And he goes on to lose even larger sums. Just like alcoholics, gambling addicts lose control over the “dose”. The player will play as long as he has money. It could be a day or two or three. Therefore, last year gaming establishments were obliged to feed players. At the time of the game they are in a special state. They don't eat, don't sleep and don't need it. A healthy person is simply not physically capable of this. If he is interested, he can play for a few hours, but then he will get tired. He will want to have a snack or a change of scenery.

The problem of gambling addicts, Vladimir Ivanov believes, is biochemical weakness. We are talking about neurotransmitters: adrenaline, serotonin, norepinephrine, dopamine, etc. There is a certain constitution that is conducive to this kind of addiction. A completely mentally healthy person, if he goes to a casino, is unlikely to become a gambler.

There is no magic pill

As for recovery, here, as in the case of other addictions, there is no “magic pill”.

Any addiction is incurable, because a person experiences a special state that he remembers for the rest of his life. Memories of pleasure persist. In the 70s, addictions were treated with the help of so-called “psychosurgery,” when the skull was opened and certain areas of the brain were burned out with a hot iron, which, from the doctor’s point of view, were responsible for this pleasure. But this method has not proven its effectiveness.

A person must change his thinking, his way of life, look at the world correctly and, of course, learn “safety precautions”, how to behave correctly in different situations, how to survive them and how to learn to solve your problems.

Unfortunately, in the case of gambling addiction, only a few manage to go this route.

gaming addiction,

Gadget addiction (addiction to gadgets).

Treatment of gambling addiction in Kaluga

All these forms of gambling addiction require treatment and the sooner the better.

In general, or getting rid of gambling addiction (let's call this process getting rid of it, since gambling addiction is not treated with medications) -

this is a process aimed at getting a person out of the virtual world, out of his “box”.

into the world of reality, thereby defeating gambling addiction.

We ourselves don’t notice how we are inventing a world for ourselves in which we are comfortable, where it is pleasant to be, and which meets our needs.

Treatment of gaming addiction of the first group - treatment of computer addiction, the process is complex.

Taking a person out of his “box” may not be difficult, but teaching him to live fully in the real world is a difficult task.

The lack of live communication and friends in the process of treating gambling addiction is more than compensated for. A new circle of communication, a new way of life and aspirations help the patient overcome addiction.

A person’s life focus shifts in favor of live communication and the desire to help people around him.

The treatment process for addiction to gambling (betting, slot machines, casinos, poker, cards) is largely similar.

The first step is your recognition of the fact that you will never cope with gambling addiction on your own!

The second step is to limit a person's ability to play.

An addiction rehab center is great for a place where you simply won't be able to play.

The third step is filling the void that is created after getting rid of gambling addiction (gaming addiction).

As well as people suffering from computer and other addictions, she successfully works, helping people from Moscow, Moscow region, Tula, Voronezh, Obninsk, Kaluga in treatment for gaming addiction. Treatment or assistance in getting rid of gambling addiction is carried out according to a specially developed program in a rehabilitation center. The stage of rehabilitation is adaptation to society, which is aimed precisely at ensuring that after completing the course people become healthy, physically strong, and striving to achieve victories in life. A strong and complete family should be the basis of the future.

Do not put off solving your problem until tomorrow - it will never be solved on its own.

A psychological help line for relatives of addicted people, as well as gambling addicts and people suffering from computer addiction. You can also contact specialists at a rehabilitation center for gambling addicts addicted to computers, alcohol, and drugs.

8-910-914-06-49, 8-953-333-44-47

Any person who wants to get rid of this prison can get free treatment for gambling addiction in a rehabilitation center for gambling addicts (people suffering from gambling addiction) in Kaluga. People from the nearest regions are accepted for rehabilitation for the treatment of gambling addiction (or rather, getting rid of this addiction): from Bryansk, Tula and the Tula region (Novomoskovsk, Suvorov and other cities), from Ryazan, Moscow, the Moscow region (Moscow region), Orel, Tver, St. -Petersburg, Voronezh, and of course we help residents of the Kaluga region - Kaluga, Obninsk and other cities get rid of gaming and computer addiction.

It is quite natural to experience such a feeling, but if you are in the process of making the right decision, it is better to get rid of such a feeling. Remember, once you learn to make the right decisions and get the necessary support from loved ones, it will be much easier to fight such impulses. The following strategies will help you:

• Ask for help. Call a close family member or friend and talk to them about it over a cup of coffee. Go to a psychotherapist.
• Do something else. Distract yourself with other activities, even cleaning the house can help, go to the gym, watch a movie on TV.
• Put it off until later. If you really want to play a game of chance, tell yourself that you will do it in five minutes, in fifteen minutes, in an hour - put it off for as long as you can. While you wait, the impulse to play may pass or weaken enough for you to resist.
• Visualize. Imagine what will happen if you give in to impulse. Think about how you will feel without money, how you have again disappointed yourself and your family.
• Avoid loneliness. If you gamble to be social, try making social connections in a healthier way. Do volunteer work, find old and forgotten friends, make new ones.

If you can't resist the urge to gamble, don't use it as an excuse to give up. Overcoming gambling addiction is a difficult task. You will relapse from time to time, but it is important to learn from your mistakes and continue to work on your recovery.

How to help a family member who is a gambling addict.

If your relative has a gambling problem, he or she may:

• Become more defensive about gambling. The more a gambler becomes immersed in the process, the more he will want to protect his passion as a way to make money. Your relative may become secretive, and even blame you for his need to play, saying that it is all for your sake and you just need to believe in a “big win” in the future.
• Suddenly hide the financial state of affairs. A loved one may have a sudden desire to control household expenses, or a sharp lack of money may be discovered in the context of their previous income and spending. Savings may suddenly disappear, or they will be needed to “lend to a friend.”
• Feeling desperate because of lack of money. Your loved one constantly asks or borrows money from friends or relatives. Decorations are missing from the house.

How to Help with a Gambling Problem

Compulsive and problem gamblers often need the support of their family and friends to help them overcome their unhealthy gambling addiction. But they must make the decision to quit playing on their own. From the outside, you will never be able to get a problem gambler to quit gambling.

If you have a family member with a gambling problem, you may have conflicting feelings. It is quite possible that you will begin to cover up this addiction and spend a lot of time and money trying to keep him from gambling. And at the same time, you will experience anger and irritation for another loss. A gambling addict will borrow or steal your money without returning it, and sell family property to cover huge debts. And when faced with the consequences of his actions, the gambling addict will also experience a collapse of self-esteem. This is one of the reasons for the high suicide rate among problem gamblers.

Guide to action:

• Start by helping yourself. You have the right to protect yourself emotionally and financially. Don't blame yourself for your problems as a gambler. Support can help you make positive choices for yourself and support your loved one in the right way. Provide assistance without losing yourself in the process.
• Don't go through this alone. Dealing with a loved one's gambling addiction is very difficult. This can cause overwhelming feelings. Do not rationalize the problem by explaining it with the phrase “that was the last time.” You may feel ashamed, thinking that these problems are only happening to you. But that's not true. In our country, a huge number of families are struggling and have already overcome this scourge. Talk to people. Read the forums. If you are having a particularly difficult time coping, seek help from a therapist. In any case, it is necessary to understand this situation and not let everything take its course. A gambler in the family causes mixed and complex feelings.
• Set boundaries in financial matters. If your loved one is serious about getting treatment for gambling addiction, it would be best if you took care of the family expenses yourself to make sure that the problem gambler does not have the opportunity to relapse. However, this does not make you responsible for controlling his urges to play. Your first responsibility is to ensure that you are completely financially secure.
• Think about how you will respond to a request for money. Addicted gamblers are quite successful at begging for money, either directly or indirectly. They may use begging, pleading, manipulation, and threats to get what they want. It will take time and practice to learn how to react and respond to his demands correctly, and to ensure that you do not stimulate the player with your behavior and do not lose your dignity.

What you can and cannot do if your loved one is an addicted gambler

Can:

• Seek support among people with the same problems on forums and groups.
• Tell your children about problem gambling.
• Notice the positive qualities of a loved one with addiction.
• Stay calm when talking with an addicted gambler about losses and their consequences.
• Let the addict know that you also need support because this situation is negatively affecting you and your children.
• Understand the need for treatment for gambling addiction, despite the large amount of time it will take.
• Control family finances.

It is forbidden:

• Instruct, lecture, or allow yourself to lose control of your anger.
• Threaten, set ultimatums if you do not intend to fulfill them.
• Isolate the player from family life and activities.
• Expect immediate recovery or resolution of all problems once gambling stops.
• Pay the player's debts.
• Deny or hide the existence of the problem from yourself, family and people around you.

Hello, Yana!

Like many readers of your LJ, I want to express my gratitude to you for having you :)) You are always interesting, beautiful, informative and with a soul. Hope it lasts forever! :))

I always read the “question-answer” section and am amazed at how you find the right words and non-standard solutions to human problems. In my case, it’s hardly possible to find a non-standard solution, but a few encouraging words would definitely help me now.

It so happened that for several years now I have been living not in the country where I was born, but where I moved to join my husband. There are a lot of good people around me here, but I don’t want to burden many of them with my problem, and there isn’t such a strong proximity for me to do this. My friends and relatives who remain in my homeland also don’t know what’s going on with me, with a few exceptions.

My problem, in fact, is that my wonderful husband in many respects is in reality not at all what everyone imagines him to be. Everyone thinks that he is a kind, open guy, a cheerful fellow and the life of the party, not entirely lucky, sometimes childish, but overall quite a nice person. In fact, he was completely consumed by the devil of gambling addiction. He plays in a casino and, as I am now beginning to understand, he is unlikely to be able to reverse this situation. This became clear about six months ago and was accompanied by his impressive repentance and my hope that now everything would change. Along with repentance, a lot of unpleasant details came to light about his perverted lies, which he was engaged in throughout our relationship. A great number of incredible stories that happened to him and led to the loss of another large sum of money were told by me from his words to many of my friends (like, can you imagine how unlucky we are!), which is why I don’t really want to introduce them into the real course now affairs. Because they helped me with these stories, lent me money, supported me as best they could.

By the way, until I personally encountered such a situation, I would never have believed that people are capable of inventing such detailed and reliable stories to cover up their vicious and sometimes vile lives. But it exists, so people, be careful. I can’t live without trust, so after his repentance, after a while I forgave him everything and began trusting him with money again, not double-checking his words, etc. And today I found out that he continues to play and we have a lot of debts again. I write “with us” because how else could it be? We have a common budget, we have common bills to pay and a common refrigerator. Recently, my income has been greater and he again, by hook or by crook (mostly the latter), extracted money from me.

And if last time I had some hope that he really came to his senses, that everyone makes mistakes, but we will overcome it together and blah blah blah... now I absolutely see that the man is sick and does not control himself, that his moral standards are already too distorted. At the same time, in our small country there are hardly any psychologists who can help him (although I will still take him to a psychologist). Therefore, all day long only one question pulsates in my head - what should I do? How to live with a person who can never be trusted, who can set up those closest to him (there are a couple of examples), who is unable or unwilling to overcome his addiction, although he understands that it is completely killing his wonderful life?

At the same time, breaking up with him because of this, in my mind, is equivalent to breaking up with a person who is sick. Oh, are you seriously ill? Sorry, we're not on the same path! No, I can’t do that, we’ve been together for a long time and I love him. What can be done for him, besides the help of psychologists?

Sorry that there are so many questions and the text is so confusing - I’m still writing under the impression.

Thank you very much in advance for your participation. Even for reading this.

Hello!

Because I saw this up close, I have the very first advice: by hook or by crook, block access to money! When such people are cut off from oxygen, they begin to try to get to any resources using the most unkind means, and after a very short time they use all the means they can think of!
The second is to go around/call all relatives, tell them that there is such a problem, and ask them not to give money under any pretext.

The fact is that all other problems can then be solved through joint efforts, or not solved - it’s a very long story. But first we need to try to resist the fusion of all available money, this happens wildly quickly and irrevocably!

In our circle of friends there was such a case - so there, when problems began, the patient first promised and swore to everyone that he would go for treatment, stop everything and control himself. Then he managed to kill distant relatives who lived in Russia. while part of the family and he were in Germany), and in some unimaginable ways he persuaded them to sell the apartment and send him all the money, supposedly for a reliable business that he and his wife were opening. (These were his wife’s relatives, and he managed to turn everything around in such a way that they did it without even talking to the wife herself). As you probably already guessed, his relatives were left without an apartment, they will never have enough for a new one, the money was all spent in a short time, and he himself will never earn that much either. As a result, the elderly people there live in their dachas; they believed him that by the end of summer he would get everything done and send all the money back. with high interest. This was several years ago.

What I mean is that these amazing rotational abilities will be put to use in all instances in order to get all the money that can be obtained.

Unfortunately, the next thing such people do is to borrow money in completely dark places. And from these dark places, after a while, bandits begin to come and threaten wives and children, and other family members, because their husband/son owes them very large sums. And usually this is precisely the moment when wives leave their husbands, not because they are tired of everything or something like that, but because they are scared, for themselves and their children. Knowing that this can develop in this direction, you can try to beg your husband in advance to at least not do such a stupid thing - but whether he will hear the calls is a big question.

I also worked in a casino in Berlin for some time, so I have a pretty good idea of ​​the clientele that is found there. And I’ve seen enough of these stories. I don't know about you. but in difficult cases it is possible for us to go around all the nearest casinos and ask the owners to ban this person from entering there. If things get out of control for someone and relatives and crying wives start walking around the casino, they usually do this. They simply meet halfway to remove these tragedies away from their business. It is clear to them that at this stage the person is already ruined, or close to it, maybe he will still bring this or that thousand there. But in fact, it’s already a matter of time before it becomes more trouble than it’s worth. Therefore, they are easily blacklisted.
The next step is to go to court and ask the judge to rule the same thing - banning a person from entering all relevant establishments, because he is inadequate and does not know. which echoes. But, as already said, I don’t know if you have this.

I will also say that I heard such stories a couple of times, and they all ended when the family completely blocked such a person’s access to money. It’s just a matter of principle, and as a small, open text, because he can’t be trusted. Shared refrigerator - yes. Don't give money at all. What he earns himself apparently cannot be saved from him, this is his account and his money. What is yours must be removed and saved by any means necessary. Experience has shown that in such families all funds are quickly used up, so sometimes you have to literally give cards to relatives who do not live with you, sometimes withdraw only a little money, enough to live on, and not keep any funds unattended to which the person could get there. No checks, cards, passbooks, nothing to keep in the closets at home, where he will climb when no one is home. Agree with relatives and friends, move it away so that you can’t get to anything like this without asking someone you know, or two or three, directly. Many people are very afraid to do this. because they are afraid of offending, or afraid of a scandal. But you need to understand that if you don’t do this, in the most open text, ALL the money will simply go down the drain - this will not stop for anything until ALL the money goes down there! And then you will very much regret that you did not close all the shops earlier, trying to avoid open conflict.

If the process has really begun, and the person cannot stop (and judging by the description, this is it) - then all the most unpleasant scenarios will already happen, it’s a matter of time. And all the showdowns, scandals, insults, reproaches, everything, everything that can be said about this - all this is already provided for you. You can sit down and mentally prepare to answer all this. Such a person does not control himself, and he will never sign up for this. Accordingly, he will argue with you all the way, resist, be offended, and manipulate. put pressure on your feelings of guilt, then on pity, then he will pretend that he believed you. He agrees with everything, cooperates, and much more. And at the same time, there’s no point in not cooperating and sticking to your line

The good news is that some of these people stop when all their money is completely cut off. They, in essence, behave like drug addicts (they are drug addicts). But their withdrawal symptoms are still not the same as those of people on different substances. Therefore, when they are completely stumped, to start taking things out of the house, selling them, and losing the proceeds - this is not enough for them. Those. it's "too much" and then they stop.

Unfortunately - not all.

Many people still move on to this ugly phase. As a result, they are, of course, abandoned, because they simply begin to ruin their own wives and children.

Others are still going through the phase of borrowing money from bad places. And they stop after big troubles, greatly frightened. However, this also only works if you leave them alone with this problem. If in such a situation the wives, mothers, and relatives chip in to pay off his debts to the bandits, rest assured that in a month the bandits will come again, because... he (seeing that the end of the world had not come) went and did the same thing again.

Those. all the resources of other people will go down there as long as they are somehow allocated. Stopping can only happen if they all run out and he exhausts all of his. and he will bring himself to the point beyond which he himself is too afraid to live.

P.S. I don’t know what country you are in, but in many countries there are psychologists (or rather, they already need a psychiatrist) who treat this. But for this it is necessary for the person to go to treatment himself. Gambling addiction, as far as I know, can only be treated at the will of the patient.

P.P.S. Leaving a person with a severe addiction is necessary if living together becomes unbearable. And this is basic self-preservation. Staying with a drug addict out of a sense of duty, out of guilt, pity, or for some other reason is nonsense. All the same, if he is rolling down a hill, then it is only a matter of time before he drives everything into such a dead end that it will end the same way - you will run away from him. If you can’t control the situation in any way, run away before he burns through all your resources and puts even more debt on you. And make sure you don’t end up in a situation. when you repay his debts for 30 years. This is definitely not worth any relationship! No one should do this to anyone! And you shouldn't! This is something you should try to avoid.

P.P.P.S. If you can no longer trust a person at all, the relationship will still fall apart. If something is possible between such people, it is only after complete “zeroing” - this is when they ran away, he started everything all over again, proved for a long time and showed everyone) for many years!) that everything was really over and he fixed everything. If at all, then only very slowly and after serious changes. And if someone manages to jump off this at all, it is only after (and as a result) that all relatives and friends stop funding it.

I sympathize with you very much, and I wish you to escape from this horror with the least losses! “For the man to come to his senses and stop,” I also wish for you, but rather rhetorically. because (sorry) I don’t believe this. Those. I believe that this is possible, but only after a complete collapse. And without completely diving to the bottom, I believe the probability is about 0.01%.