About emotional intellect They started writing actively and a lot several years ago. There was even a common meme that “ good man“in the 21st century is quite a “profession”.

When your emotional intelligence is high, you perceive reality more adequately, respond to it more effectively and interact with others. Emotional intelligence has become one of the new tools for managing a business, building effective communications and finding happiness.

But the question immediately arises: is it possible to develop emotional competencies in the same way as ordinary intelligence, logic, thinking and creativity?

Do you feel that the business environment can be hostile to you? For example, does your boss not value you, or does your client treat you like nothing?

Regardless of what stage of the career ladder you are at now, I am sure that you have encountered misunderstandings at least once. Feeling left out, not valued enough, not treated properly. And as a consequence of this, you experienced suffering.

Let's face it, business isn't always fun. Some might argue that “that’s just the way things work.” However, I am confident that we can improve our situation by developing one useful skill: emotional intelligence (EI).

Darius Foroux
Entrepreneur, author of three books, podcast host https://soundcloud.com/dariusforoux. “I write about how to become more productive so you can build a better life, career, and business.”

What is emotional intelligence, how to increase it and how to use it in a business environment?

Term emotional intellect was popularized by John Mayer of the University of New Hampshire and Peter Salovey of Yale University.

Mayer defines EI (also called EQ) as:

In the current economic situation, the ability to solve problems related to emotions is very important. Plus we often have to work together to find a solution. So success in business is not determined by your degree, IQ test scores, or any other assessment-based measure.

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If you want to achieve meaningful results, you will have to learn to work with other people. From this perspective, EI is a key skill that will bring you better results and greater success.

In addition, research shows that high EI is an indicator of mental health. Therefore, it not only affects your success rate, but also your happiness level.

Greater self-awareness leads to higher emotional intelligence, which in turn brings more happiness.

EI characterizes a person's ability to recognize emotions. And not only strangers, but also our own. I believe that before you can manage and guide others, you need to understand your emotions. Therefore, EI dough is associated with self-knowledge.

Thus, emotional intelligence is important factor, which determines our success in life and business:

• The result of high EI is knowledge of oneself.
• The ability to understand yourself leads to greater happiness.
• High level happiness - an indicator of job satisfaction.
• When you find joy in your work, you perform at your best.
• Good results lead to recognition.
• Recognizing our successes makes us feel important.
• This feeling leads us to greater happiness, best results etc.

Step one. Recognize your emotions.

Daniel Goleman, another pioneer in emotional intelligence research, is the author of Emotional Intelligence. Why It May Matter More Than IQ" argues that we have two minds: "We literally have two minds. One thinks, the other feels.”

To develop the feeling part of the brain, I like to journal about my daily emotions. If you don't already journal, start for the sake of your emotional intelligence.

When taking the first step, it is important to determine what you feel, what is the trigger for your experiences. Don't think why. Ask yourself some helpful questions:

How do you feel in different situations?

Do you get angry when you are criticized?

Do you get upset when people ignore you?

Do you freeze when all the attention is on you?

Step two. Interpret your emotions

Once you have a better idea of ​​how you react to different situations, it's time to figure out your reaction. Find answers to the following questions:

How do you respond to people when you're angry?

What do you really think about them?

What is the primary source of your feelings, what upsets you, makes you happy, sad, angry?

Don't judge yourself. Your goal is to understand your emotions. No more, no less.

Step three. Manage your emotions.

This is a big part of business success. A leader does not go with the flow or follow the energy of the group. The leader sets the atmosphere. But before you can determine the mood of the entire group, you need to learn how to maintain an internal mood. Answer yourself a series of questions:

Can you get out of sadness?

Can you cheer yourself up?

Can you control yourself if you get too excited?

If not, work on it. Before you can manage your emotions, you must learn to control them.

I used a three-step method to better identify my emotions. By trying these steps on yourself, you will learn to recognize your emotions and identify the emotions of other people. This is exactly what constitutes emotional intelligence.

The topic of developing emotional intelligence is incredibly popular today among top managers in our country. Read more in our article about how much you can earn by learning to manage your own emotions and whether you should always be nice to your subordinates.

Subject development of emotional intelligence(emotional quotient, hereinafter referred to as EQ) is gaining increasing popularity in Russia. Many companies strive to maximize the potential of employees, abandoning the directive management system in favor of individual approach. Top managers are turning from “overseers” into mentors who take into account their character traits and emotional type employees.

However, only an emotionally competent leader who knows how to manage not only other people’s emotions, but also his own can make this management style effective. How to find out your EQ level and what exercises will help improve it?

Why high levels of emotional intelligence are important for top managers

A high level of EQ allows you to quickly recognize the nature of emotions and regulate them without suppressing them. Why is this so useful for top managers? Psychologist Daniel Goleman assures: emotional intelligence, unlike logical intelligence, determines 85% of the effectiveness and success of a leader.

This is also confirmed by research American company TalentSmart: Its results showed that just one point increase in EQ scores adds $1,300 to an employee's annual salary. Whether you agree with this or not is your choice; however, let's look at what makes a high EQ level.

Awareness of your own emotions. Since childhood, we have been taught to suppress our experiences, while not everyone has learned to analyze the nature and reasons for the appearance of certain sensations. Nevertheless, this is very important for a manager, because during the working day he experiences the whole range of experiences: worried, worried, upset, etc. But since management activities are public, he has to hide the bulk of his emotions.

However, because of this, the manager is not always able to track the moment when it is necessary to pull himself together. Sometimes awareness comes only “in hindsight”, when something seems to happen out of the blue or after returning home there is a feeling of complete loss of strength.

As a result, emotions, not finding an adequate outlet, accumulate and lead to constant fatigue, irritation and apathy. According to TalentSmart, only about 30% of people manage stress effectively.

With the help of exercises to understand his emotions, the head of one of the Moscow companies was able to cope with his temper and noticeably improve his relationships with colleagues within a month. Analyzing your emotional condition, he learned to quickly find the cause of his own experiences and suppress them before irritation or anger became uncontrollable.

Getting rid of stereotypes. There are many myths about emotions in our society: for example, that women are more emotional than men or that you should not be angry with people close to you. Similar irrational attitudes exist regarding the image of a “real leader”: he must always be an example for his subordinates, be at the peak of efficiency and energy, etc. Such attitudes leave the manager no choice, and if they are violated, they cause negative emotions.

Let’s say that during a speech the director became confused, which his subordinates noticed, that is, he violated the installation, which assumes that a leader is always obliged to keep his face and be super confident. As a result, he will feel an emotional decline for a long time, which will negatively affect the quality of his work.

To prevent such situations, an emotionally competent leader works through limiting beliefs, choosing different formulations and allowing himself, in some cases, to act differently than prescribed by society. For example, the attitude “I should always keep my face” changes to “I prefer to appear confident, but at the same time I can sometimes allow myself to show anxiety or confusion.”

Awareness of the emotions of others. To make the right management decision, a manager needs a maximum of information, the carriers of which are primarily company employees. A high level of EQ allows you to build more open relationship with subordinates. However, there is a myth here that emotional competence means “kind” behavior. In reality, this is far from the case. Emotional competence develops, first of all, emotional flexibility and the ability to act according to circumstances depending on the situation, the nature of the partner, one’s own goals and objectives.

A high EQ allows a top manager to be both a friendly “charmer” and a leader capable of “giving a kick.” For example, one consulting company is headed by a woman with a soft management style. She is very patient with her subordinates and is calm about their mistakes, but sometimes she can show her irritation, to which the employees immediately react and begin to work much harder.

Ability to resolve conflicts. Success in resolving disagreements largely depends on the EQ of the leader. Reluctance to understand and take into account the experiences of the parties to the conflict leads to the inability to build a constructive dialogue and reach a solution that will fully satisfy both parties.

FBI Psychological Tricks Based on Emotional Intelligence

Chris Voss worked for the FBI for a quarter of a century and handled hostage cases. After retirement, Chris realized that the skills acquired during his years of service could be used in business. His methods are based on emotional intelligence, rather than on logic and cause-and-effect, which underlie classical approaches. Due to the inability to negotiate, according to the British Center for the Study of Economics and Business, companies lose up to 702 million rubles every hour.

The principles of Voss’s strategy were described by the editors of the Commercial Director magazine.

Where to start developing EQ

The EQ model includes four skill groups:

1) awareness of your emotions;

2) awareness of other people's emotions;

3) managing your emotions;

4) managing the emotions of other people.

What points do you think attract the attention of managers? Of course, those related to management. However, the key skill that increases EQ is not managing emotions, but analyzing them.

We have already found out that most people have not learned to understand the nature of their experiences. Therefore, if you ask the average person how they feel, they will answer: “Fine”, “Good (bad)”, “Headache”. If you ask this question in your environment, it is unlikely that anyone will answer you: “You know, now I feel irritation arising, slightly tinged with anxiety.” Or, let's say: "I feel joy, mixed with a small amount of hostility."

Of course, it does not follow from this that you need to communicate your feelings to others in such detail, but it is simply necessary for a leader to analyze his emotions, taking into account all the undertones. For example, you are studying a report. The numbers are fine, the information is presented logically, but you suddenly feel a little uneasy. You look through the numbers again and again do not find any errors. After checking again, you brush off the unpleasant feeling and make a decision that later turns out to be wrong. “No wonder I didn’t like him!” - you exclaim, but nothing can be fixed. Such emotions are usually fleeting, and their source is seemingly completely incomprehensible.

The development of emotional intelligence just teaches you to quickly pick up such signals in the turmoil of the working day and state: “Yes, I still don’t like this.” As a result, reviewing the report again or, for example, returning to the discussion of any clause of the contract with a partner allows you to save both time and money. But this is only if you managed to “grab by the tail” the desired emotional signal. Moreover, this must be done quickly.

“What is wrong with me? Maybe it's irritation? Yes, probably irritation, but not only that. Does it seem to be mixed with fear? Or not?" - such hours-long reflections do not fit into the manager’s busy schedule. And a high EQ allows you to take a minute-to-minute “slice” of the emotional background and quickly make decisions based on its analysis.

Exercise 1. Awareness of your own emotions

First, periodically ask yourself: “How am I feeling right now?” At the same time, start with the easiest to recognize basic states: joy, sadness, anger or fear. To do this, set yourself two or three reminders every day. When they are triggered, answer the question: “What did I experience a second before?”

Secondly, learn to determine the source of the emotion and the degree of its intensity. To do this, keep a table with the following data: day, time, emotion, its intensity, its reason. For example, the head of one Moscow company often showed unreasonable aggression towards his subordinates, which negatively affected the efficiency of their work.

An exercise aimed at realizing his emotions helped the manager understand the reason for his irritation: it was that his subordinates finished their work day on time, while the manager often had to stay late at work. After that, he changed his work schedule, shifting some of the minor responsibilities to employees. As a result, his freer schedule allowed him to become much more patient with them.

Often, to analyze our mood, we need a partner to help us realize those emotions that we don’t want to admit to ourselves - say, to see fear that we preferred not to notice, or irritation towards someone around us. For example, the head of one company decided to improve the employee motivation system. Despite the real effectiveness of the innovation, the introduction of the system caused enormous resistance from subordinates. In response to this, the manager, without hiding his irritation, began to forcefully “push” his idea.

An outside perspective helped him understand in time that the employees were simply afraid of change. Then he explained to them in detail the benefits new system, and the situation has changed radically.

Exercise 2. Awareness of other people's experiences

Pay attention to the condition of your subordinates. In what mood did the manager return from the negotiations? Why has this employee been so sad for three days now? The main thing in this process is not to formulate your opinion as a fact: “I see that this client is clearly pissing you off.” Start a sentence with the words “it seems to me”, while sticking to interrogative intonation. Don't argue if the other person doesn't agree with you and doesn't name the emotion you think you're seeing.

In order to learn to catch emotional mood your subordinates without unnecessary questions, sometimes watch films unknown to you with good acting. Turn off the sound and watch what emotions the characters experience. Guess their reasons. Rewind the video and turn on the sound. Did you understand correctly? By correctly interpreting the emotions of your subordinates, you will be able to effectively use management tools: set tasks, encourage or criticize.

Exercise 3. Managing your own feelings

Once the skill of emotional awareness is mastered, most people are surprised at how structured and calm their daily emotional interactions with the world around them become. On at this stage It's time to start managing your emotions.

Breathing technique. Get into the habit of breathing correctly as soon as you feel negative changes in your emotional state. The exhalation should be several times longer than the inhalation.

Physical activities to relieve tension. As soon as excitement appears, quietly clench and unclench your fists, and also tense your leg muscles. If the environment and situation allow, stretch, walk, jump, make a grimace.

Formation of a set of self-regulation techniques. Practice each of them weekly. For example, do visualization first, then meditation. One week, smile at your reflection in the mirror, the next - remember before going to bed best moments day. Reframing is also interesting when you look at a situation from a new angle. Let's say that after long negotiations the company did not receive the order.

It would seem that this is a failure. However, if you look from the other side, it becomes clear that working with this client would be very difficult: he would constantly make claims, forcing you to spend a lot of time on him. As a result, the customer would bring more losses than benefits.

Study of limiting attitudes. Most “extra” emotions are caused not by the situation itself, but by its interpretation. She is strongly influenced by deep-rooted beliefs that need to be neutralized in time.

Thus, one company planned to introduce new values, which were timed holiday events. Managers wondered whether employees would welcome the changes. Emotional competence suggested that any innovation, even positive ones, would cause fear among employees.

As a result, measures were taken to reduce employee anxiety, so the upgrade went smoothly. For example, during the presentation of new values, employees were united into groups where, after discussion, they anonymously wrote down their doubts about the innovations, and then passed them on to the manager, who calmly commented on the comments. Being able to voice doubts reduced the level of fear.

Exercise 4. Managing other people's experiences

Some simple techniques will help you understand the emotions of other people and respond appropriately to them.

Data recording. Keep a journal and briefly describe how you felt and how you managed your emotions. After some time, you will be surprised how much easier it has become to control them.

“Trying on” emotions. To evoke any emotion in others, feel it yourself, because we are most often infected with an emotional state.

Listening skills. Letting the other person talk is one of the the best ways managing emotions. But few people know how to truly listen. We interrupt, console, encourage - and ultimately increase the “extra” emotion in the interlocutor.

Expanding the leadership repertoire. Analyze which emotions are inherent in your style and which are missing. Do you often break down? Stay focused and explain the problem to the employee calmly. Don't you allow yourself to raise your voice to your subordinates? Perhaps it’s high time to have a tougher conversation with someone. You don't have to dramatically change your management style. First, find out what you do well and in what situations you should try to act differently.

Total “yes” method. Usually, when our interlocutor expresses dissatisfaction, we begin to either make excuses and explain ourselves, or argue and put forward counter-objections. Both of these increase the aggression of the other side. To reduce it, you have to agree with the criticism in some way. At the same time, it is important to find an adequate formula of agreement: instead of the phrase “Of course, you are right,” start your defense with the words “Yes, we really delayed deliveries several times.”

• Corporate culture values: 6 ideas that will retain employees

What results can you get?

Taking into account the emotional factor in work allows a manager to be effective: to better build relationships with subordinates, maintain their drive, and competently resolve conflicts. This increases employee engagement and reduces staff turnover. In addition, emotional competence allows you to effectively negotiate and build strong relationships with partners, improve the quality of work with clients and their service.

Express test to assess EQ level

Although EQ is difficult to measure, there are a number of tests that can tell you quite a bit about your emotional intelligence. This is, for example, a test by American researcher Nicholas Hall, which asks you to rate thirty statements on a six-point scale (from –3 to 3) depending on the degree of agreement with them.

1. For me, both negative and positive emotions serve as a source of knowledge about how to act in life.

2. Negative emotions help me understand what I need to change in my life.

3. I am calm when I feel pressure from others.

4. I am able to notice a change in my feelings.

5. When necessary, I can be calm and focused in order to act in accordance with life's demands.

6. When necessary, I can evoke a wide range of positive emotions in myself, such as fun, joy, and a feeling of inner uplift.

7. I pay attention to how I feel.

8. After something has upset me, I can easily cope with my feelings.

9. I am able to understand other people's problems.

10. I don't dwell on negative emotions.

11. I am sensitive to the emotional needs of others.

12. I can have a calming effect on other people.

13. I can force myself to get up again and again in the face of obstacles.

14. I try to approach life problems creatively.

16. I can easily enter a state of calm, alertness and focus.

17. When time allows, I address my negative feelings and figure out what the problem is.

18. I am able to quickly calm down after unexpected upset.

19. Knowing my true feelings is important to staying in “good shape.”

20. I understand other people's emotions well, even if they are not expressed openly.

21. I can recognize emotions well from facial expressions.

22. I can easily put aside negative feelings when action is necessary.

23. I am good at picking up signs in communication that indicate what other people need.

24. People around me consider me a good connoisseur experiences of other people.

25. People who are able to accurately realize their true feelings manage their lives much better than others.

26. I am able to improve other people's moods.

27. You can consult me ​​on issues of relationships between people.

28. I am good at tuning into other people's emotions.

29. I help others use their motivations to achieve personal goals.

30. I can easily disconnect from experiencing troubles.

The total score will show the level of EQ development: 70 or more - high, 40–69 - average, 39 or less - low.

"KD" based on open source materials

Task "Reminders"

Organize a reminder system on your phone (at least 2 reminders per day). Do it randomly. At the moment the signal occurs, determine what emotions you experienced immediately before the signal (most likely, at the moment of the signal you will experience slight irritation J), remember and write down.

Quest “Diary of Emotions”

Buy a notebook or notepad. Determine the most convenient time for yourself (morning, evening). During this time, you will record your daily work results for the day. Throughout the day, track what emotions you experience, what caused these emotions, track the general background of your mood.
At the time of your choice, record the facts: which are the most powerful emotions Do you remember today at what moments they arose. Also write down what sensations arose in your body while experiencing these emotions, what thoughts came to you at that moment?
Record your observations in free form or in a table

Fact (situation, person)

Thoughts
Physical sensations
Emotions

Exercise “Attitudes about emotions”
This exercise allows you to analyze what attitudes you have about emotions? To do this, remember everything that comes to your mind: what your parents, teachers or others said significant people what you read in literature or saw in movies, what proverbs, sayings and catchphrases about emotions?
After you have written down everything you can remember, analyze how these attitudes and beliefs affect your behavior and/or emotional state? Would you like to change any of them?

Exercise “What does a negative emotion signal to us?”
Choose an emotion that you consider negative. Which you don’t like and try your best to hide. Remember situations in which you experienced this emotion.
. What do you think is the reason that she appeared at these moments?
. What did she want to signal to you? What is important to pay attention to? What
will it change if you start listening to this information?
. How did this emotion help you? What was good about having this emotion?
. What happens if you allow yourself to experience and sometimes express this emotion?
Until we recognize the presence of an emotion, “do not see it,” we cannot see the situation well as a whole, that is, we do not have sufficient information. And naturally, without recognizing the presence of some emotion, we cannot part with it; it remains somewhere inside in the form of muscle tension, psychological trauma and other troubles.

Exercises to develop skills in understanding the emotions of others

"Mute TV"
Turn on the TV and mute the sound. Find some Feature Film and watch it for a while, observing the gestures, facial expressions and location in space of the characters and thinking about what emotions they are experiencing now. This is a very exciting process.
If you don't really like watching feature films this way, watch some TV debates or news. Watch a piece of a familiar film and a piece of an unfamiliar one. What is the difference in the observation process? Does knowing the plot hinder or help you compare “nonverbalities” with emotions? Compare films of different genres. American and French. What are the similarities and differences between nonverbal behavior in different cultures? Watch a movie where they play famous actors, and some cheap series. Compare actors' nonverbal expressions with real people in some reporting program.

"Public transport"
This game has an additional bonus. To watch silent television, you must have time, a television or computer, and the consent of relatives to use it. When you are on public transport, you only need time that can be occupied with useful activities. Therefore, when you are tired of the newspaper you bought for a trip on the subway, or the book you took on the train or plane runs out, you can switch to this game. How do these people feel? If you see a couple, what kind of relationship are they in? If someone tells someone something, then a funny story or sad?

Exercises to develop skills to manage your emotions

"Breath"
Develop a habit: if you become aware of an emotion, and you don’t like it and it bothers you, immediately start paying attention to your breathing and start breathing a little slower, paying attention to the exhalation.

"Body Methods"
Choose a body-based method for managing emotions that can be used in almost any situation. For example, imperceptibly clench and unclench your fists. Stand on your tiptoes several times. Get up, walk a little and sit down again. Practice using it at least once an hour.

"Problems"
Write a list of problems that are relevant to you now. Remember maximum amount problems (note: at first some difficulties may arise, and then the process will progress - we know how to look for problems).
Now reframe these problems into goals. Make sure to formulate goals positively, that is, without using the particle “not”, as well as the words “quit”, “stop”, “stop”. Formulate your goals as specifically as possible, and be sure to determine the time frame by which you plan to achieve them.
Notice how your emotional state has changed compared to when you started.

"Resource state"
1. It is better to perform the exercise while standing. Remember a situation, a moment in life when you were in a resourceful state. Recreate this situation, remember it in great detail: the resource state will appear again. Immerse yourself in your feelings, imagine yourself in this state.
2. Create a portrait of this state using the following questions...
- Where exactly is “it” located in your body?
- What form is this sensation?
- How big is this sensation?
- What colour?
- What images and/or words come from the past?
- Does “this” have a temperature?
- What does “this” feel like?
- What is the limit of this feeling?
- Does “it” move?
- What material does it look like: wood, metal, air, water, cotton wool?
- Can this be moved?
3. Set a threshold or draw a line for yourself and go beyond it, being in a resourceful state.

"Boast"
Every day, write down what you did well and successfully today. What did you achieve? What made you happy?
We do not encourage you to constantly be in positive mood. As we remember, fear, anger and sadness are also useful emotions and by allowing only positive emotions into our lives, we lose a large number of information and we may miss something important. At the same time, when we have a positive attitude, it is much more difficult to upset us or make us angry. Thus, a positive approach creates for us solid support under our feet and a kind of protection from the excessive influence of unpleasant events and emotions on us.

Exercises to develop skills in managing the emotions of others

Exercise “Emotional Balance”
Choose some personal or business relationships that are meaningful to you. For personal relationships, it is enough to remember a period from several days to a week; for business relationships, it is better to take a longer period - one or two months. Divide the sheet in half with a vertical line, mark the left column as “+”, and the right column as “-”. Write down in the left column all your actions that, in your opinion, improved the state of your account (those actions that improved your partner’s mood), in the right - worsened it. See how you affected your emotional balance in this relationship over a given period. Have you managed to improve it or at least maintain it at the same level? Or is the number of actions in the right column starting to depressingly prevail?
If you're the type of person who only has a bunch of great actions in the left column, ask yourself if you're throwing the balance off balance there, too. Are you giving too much to your partners and asking too little in return?
In both cases, it is worth drawing up an action plan that will help you maintain balance in a more or less equilibrium state. It is useful to carry out such an analysis for yourself at least once a month for the most significant figures and “bills” and once every few months - for people important to you.

Exercise “Emotional motivators in my company”
Think about it and write down what you can do to maintain a constant atmosphere of drive, excitement and enthusiasm in your company.

Modern culture is focused on productivity. For many active people, this results not only in constant nervous tension, but also in the desire to rationalize everything and everyone to the detriment of their emotions. But it is a comfortable emotional state that allows us to achieve great success and helps us move on, and rational decisions do not always coincide with what we want “deep down in our souls.” The concept of emotional intelligence can come to the rescue, which will help you better understand yourself and your impulses. We explain what it is and what it is needed for.

MASHA VORSLAV

How are feelings and emotions different?

Both feelings and emotions influence our psychological condition, but they differ significantly. A feeling is a conscious emotional experience (a flash of anger, for example). Emotions arise against a person’s will, give rise to specific feelings and are often too complex to be aware of them. At the same time, they can and should be analyzed in order to be able to separate yourself from your negative experience or mood and maintain a pleasant emotional background. True, the sensual side of life can be so confusing that it can take a lot of time to realize a voluminous emotion: sometimes recognizing falling in love with best friend the spectrum of constantly flaring up positive and negative feelings is only revealed after years and with the help of a therapist.

The matter is complicated by the fact that there is still no single list of emotions. In 1972, psychologist Paul Ekman compiled a list of six basic emotions, including anger, disgust, surprise, happiness, sadness, and fear. Ekman later added embarrassment, infatuation, contempt, shame, pride, satisfaction and excitement. Robert Plutchik proposed another classification of emotions, the so-called wheel. In his opinion, there are 8 main emotional spaces that can intersect and give rise to new emotions. For example, faded amazement and horror can give rise to awe, and frustration and boredom can result in contempt.

Where did the concept come from?
emotional intelligence?

The concept of emotional intelligence is relatively new; previously such a phrase was perceived as an oxymoron. People first started talking about it seriously in 1990 after an article of the same name by Peter Salovey and John Mayer for the magazine Imagination, Cognition, and Personality. They defined it as the ability to recognize one’s own and others’ emotions and feelings, distinguish between them and use this information for further reflection and action. Salovey and Mayer noted that they consider emotional intelligence to be a subsystem of the already known social intelligence, which allows one to “understand and manage people.”

Further wood was added to the fire - and continues to be thrown - by the writer, psychologist and uncle of the author of “The Myth of Beauty” Naomi Wolf Daniel Goleman: it was after his best-selling book that I learned about emotional intelligence wide circle readers. Goleman managed to find the right intonation to talk to a huge audience and captivate them with a difficult topic. True, the writer not only chewed on the works of his predecessors, but also offered his own interpretation: in his opinion, emotional intelligence consists not of four areas, as Salovey and Mayer proposed, but of five.

What does it consist of?

IN classic model Emotional intelligence has four components. Self-awareness - the ability to recognize one's emotions and feelings; self-control - the ability to manage them; social awareness allows us to understand the emotional processes occurring in society; relationship management, affecting both interpersonal and group relationships. Goleman agrees with the first two positions, but combines and breaks down the rest in his own way: in addition to self-awareness and self-control, his model includes intrinsic motivation, empathy and social skills. In general, Goleman’s classification looks simplified, but it is extremely practical and does not cause rejection even among those who are encountering the topic for the first time.

Is it true that emotional
Is intelligence more important than IQ?

IN last decades intelligence was assessed only on the basis of IQ. Those who were “lucky” to get a high score were predicted to have a great future, and those with a low score were given more and more new ways to level up. intellectual abilities. Microsoft, for example, used to select candidates based on how quickly they could solve logic problems.

Harvard professor Howard Gardner spoke about the fact that in addition to intelligence there are other equally important components of the mind (in English literature - intelligences). He argues that intelligence should not be assessed by IQ or any other single indicator, but by seven. This is a penchant for linguistics, logical-mathematical thinking (something that is so valued in schools to the detriment of everything else) and understanding one’s own body, musical abilities, spatial reasoning and finally the ability to get along well with others and yourself. Later, Gardner added to them the “mind of a naturalist” (Neville Longbottom, hello) and also admitted that competencies in existential and moral issues can also be useful categories when analyzing personality.

So the statement in the title of Goleman’s acclaimed book that emotional intelligence may be more important than IQ, although true (for some people in some circumstances), is more marketing ploy: Emotions, unlike intelligence, are still a fresh topic on which to speculate effectively.

Why develop emotional intelligence?

Surely you have heard more than once about how easy it is for someone to move up career ladder. Or how well someone manages to communicate with their own children. The heroes of these situations almost certainly have highly developed emotional intelligence, which allows them not only to understand their goals more clearly (and therefore achieve them faster), but also to successfully build communication with people on different levels- at some point in development this becomes a necessary step in any field.

If productivity doesn’t seem so attractive to you, think about the calmness with which you can perceive your own and others’ actions and emotions that are not the most commendable - developed emotional intelligence allows you to do this. No one is in danger of becoming an insensitive blockhead - on the contrary, without unnecessary reflections, time is freed up to enjoy the pleasant manifestations of life and minimize the unpleasant ones (and draw all the necessary conclusions from them). Note that independent work with your emotions is not a substitute for medical care, so if you suspect you have an urgent or serious psychological problems, you shouldn’t solve them yourself.

How to do it?

Those who are curious can first take an emotional intelligence test. At the end of this questionnaire, for example, they will give a very mild assessment of your emotional skills, which can be taken as a starting point. In addition, tests of this kind help to recognize yourself in the proposed situations (“being in a group of friends, can you always understand how each of them feels?”) and independently analyze your abilities. In general, there are many assessment systems (SASQ, MSCEIT, ECI, for example), but in order to delve into them, you either really need a lot of free time or the help of a specialist.

In any case, it will be useful to read the articles of Mayer and Salovey and the works of Goleman. The first two will provide an academic perspective useful for general development, and Goleman's books can be consulted for more pressing information. He gives enough to get acquainted with the topic, and makes the reader perform simple but revealing exercises like leading. If you don’t have time for articles and books, you can use proven methods for self-development; there is an example of a good one. It is important to remember that the development of emotional intelligence, like any other restructuring, requires time and dedication, so do not worry if within a month your personal life does not improve or you do not fly up the career ladder (but probably even in this short term small changes in relationships with people and yourself will be noticeable).

What is emotional intelligence? How to work on its development and why do it?

The amount of emotional intelligence, abbreviated EQ in specialized literature, determines how much a person understands emotions, is aware of them, can recreate, manage them, and therefore apply them to solve assigned problems. A person with well-developed emotional intelligence can significantly reduce the impact of negative emotions on their life. Developing emotional intelligence promotes recognition negative impacts from the outside, a calm understanding of the situation and a normal, balanced reaction to it. A person who is emotionally developed lets go of negative emotions and does not experience them again and again, thereby destroying his psyche in particular and life in general.

Working on the development of emotional intelligence makes a person more mature, more self-confident, relieves him of complexes and mental tossing, allows him to take part in normal life, interact with other people and understand their motives, that is, see through your interlocutors. Such abilities make it easy to make new acquaintances, which means using people to achieve your goals.

You, without knowing it, use emotional intelligence every day, because it is impossible to completely turn off emotions, to be completely dispassionate (about the influence of emotions on human activity we already talked about it in one of our articles). Keep feelings under control - difficult task, which can only be dealt with strong personalities. But this is for the better. After all, emotions help to correctly assess the situation and find the right decision for any problem. Well-developed emotional intelligence is a factor that helps achieve success.

You can understand in more detail what benefits the development of emotional intelligence provides using the diagram below:

If you want to find it easily mutual language even with unfamiliar people, to be friendly and open, and therefore pleasant to communicate with, if your goal is to achieve maximum success in any endeavor, then you simply need to work on developing your own EI.

1. Recognize emotions and identify critical moments.

Lose control over your own behavior, explode because of someone's words, lose calm at empty space? Oh, how familiar this is! Everyone has certain point boiling caused by a situation leading to loss of self-control - the so-called emotional trigger. People who know how to recognize them, and therefore accept them, can stop in time and not succumb to destructive emotions.

How to learn such control? Analyze your emotions, record them on paper, highlight your own emotional triggers.

2. Repeat over and over again mentally those situations that lead to emotional breakdowns.

Constantly turning over this or that situation in your head helps you find the right solution and not react as violently as it could happen in the first place. real life. When considering an event that could lead to an emotional breakdown, come up with a different course of action than your usual one. This exercise will allow you to correctly accept the emotional trigger. This means that you will get a chance to act differently when a real explosive situation occurs.

3. Exercise your brain.

Anyone can control your mind and emotions. As soon as you feel anger creeping in, switch to something else, for example, solving difficult problems. mathematical problems. Agree, it’s hard to get angry and nervous when you’re multiplying three-digit numbers in your head!

Whether you solve the problem correctly or not is irrelevant. The main thing is that you tried, used your brain to the fullest and did not let your emotions overcome you.

4. Escape from reality into memories.

If in Hard time If you find it difficult to concentrate, then use another technique: abstract from what is happening and immerse yourself in pleasant memories. Surely there is something in your life that brings a smile to your face. It could be a favorite song or a book you recently read. Remember them, quote your favorite lines to yourself. Such thoughts will help you avoid an emotional breakdown, as they will switch your brain to another situation.

The main thing is not to perceive this technique as a cowardly escape from reality. This is done for your benefit.

5. Before sending an angry letter to the recipient, re-read what you wrote.

This way, you will take a time-out for at least a few minutes, once again relive what you experienced while writing, and be able to rethink your overflowing emotions. You take a break - and it's wonderful. You have a chance to change your mind and fix everything. If after reading this you still want to send a letter, ask a friend or loved one read it. Listen to outside advice and think twice about whether it’s worth offending the recipient. Learn to keep your emotions in check!

Research confirms that everyone thinks differently. A rather neutral message can actually cause aggression on the part of the recipient. To understand how the addressee will react to your letter, remember the character of the person to whom you are writing. Adjust the message so as not to offend your recipient.

6. Avoid immediate answers.

Modern life sometimes requires us to make lightning-fast decisions. But often you can not force things and take a minute to think. Do they require a clear answer from you? Avoid having to answer right away. Say that you will return to this conversation and take a break to think. This will allow you to understand what is really important and not let your emotions prevail over your reason.

7. Respect your interlocutor in any situation.

Remember that in any situation you need to remain well-mannered, educated person, express your thoughts clearly and clearly, avoiding profanity. This will characterize you as a serious, respectable person with whom it is pleasant to do business. Emotions may rage in your soul, but you shouldn’t show them. To curb them, it is better to think about your vocabulary in advance and highlight those words that it is better not to say out loud.

Once you decide to be calm and composed in any situation, you will take a big step towards controlling your emotions and developing emotional intelligence.

P.S. Here is another article on the topic of EQ published on our website: “ What is emotional intelligence and why is it needed?»

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